There Really Is A Cheetos Perfume, And It Is Atrocious.

It's no joke. Tomorrow the fine folk of Frito-Lay will be taking to the streets of L.A. and New York City to promote Cheeteau, the official fragrance of Cheetos. They sent me a bottle in advance, and... oh god, it's leaking. *coughs* EVERYTHING SMELLS LIKE CHEETOS.

You may have seen the video ad for this stuff floating around. If not, check it out while I Febreeze my entire apartment.

Note the April 1 release date. This lead many people to believe this was nothing more than a prank. It sure is, but that doesn't mean Frito-Lay hasn't cooked up an actual batch of this evil substance to share with fans of crunchy orange powder-covered snacks.

I received the 90ml bottle of Cheeteau (cute) this afternoon, ate the bag of Cheetos that came with the package (for comparison's sake), and then sprayed some on my wrist. My god.

It smells like the bottom of a bag of cheesy microwave popcorn, or a movie theater concessions stand after the nacho station exploded. There is a sweetness to it, which brings to mind Japan's Mountain Dew Cheetos, which is something I'd rather not have brought to mind.

I was not kidding about the bottle leaking. My office smells like Chester Cheetah's athletic cup.

"My fans are always telling me they love it when Cheetos dust lingers on their lips and fingers, keeping the deliciously cheesy scent around a little longer," said Chester Cheetah, official spokes-cheetah of the Cheetos brand via official press release. "So this spring, I've decided to bottle the iconic aroma so that the pleasure of Cheetos is never farther than a spray away."

I do not trust a male cat talking about spraying.

Now I am no perfume or cologne expert — my favorite scent is still Joop — but I feel confident in saying no one should smell like this on purpose.

Of course your body chemistry is different than mine, so who knows? Maybe this is your jam. If you're in L.A. or NYC tomorrow, you can find out. Here's the details:

Cheeteau Sampling Locations on Tuesday, April 1:

Who:

Tomorrow, April 1, 2014, global celebrity Chester Cheetah introduces Cheeteau, a prestige limited-edition fragrance that celebrates the irreverent, intriguing and playful nature of the iconic feline with a scent bold enough to excite and delight. Chester's official scent squad will hand out samples of Cheeteau tomorrow, at The Grove in Los Angeles and Madison Avenue in New York City, while supplies last.

What:

Cheeteau, the inaugural fragrance by famed Cheetos brand spokes-cheetah, Chester Cheetah, will be available to fans in Los Angeles and New York City for a limited time only. Inspired by the popular snack, the scent boasts buttery notes, accents of sharp cheddar and a touch of lemon for balance, perfect for evening or day wear.

Can't wait to get your paws on a bottle? Tomorrow only, in celebration of the launch, fans can pick up a limited-edition bottle of Cheeteau by coming to The Grove in Los Angeles or Madison Avenue in New York City, where Chester's official scent squad will be handing out samples while supplies last. Follow Chester's social media channels, @ChesterCheetah on Twitter or Facebook.com/Cheetos for more details on how to get your paws on your very own bottle of Cheeteau

Where:

New York City: Madison Avenue between 59th and 61St , New York City, NY

Los Angeles: The Grove – 189 The Grove Dr., Los Angeles, CA

When:

Tuesday, April 1

o New York City's Madison Avenue between 59th and 61st: 12:00pm – 5:00pm EST (or while supplies last): Chester Cheetah's scent squad will conduct sampling of Cheeteau and provide giveaways to fans

o Los Angeles' The Grove: 1:00pm – 6:00pm PST (or while supplies last): Chester's scent squad will conduct sampling of Cheeteau and provide giveaways to fans

Have fun. I am going to wash myself. I smell dangerously cheesy.