My second and final full day at my very first Toy Fair 2016 in New York City has come and gone, and already I miss it terribly. Nothing flipping through photos of Nerf guns, Pokemon plushies, Final Fantasy figures, Monster High dolls, Transformers, Marvel heroes and more can’t fix.

I’ve been dreaming of this weekend since back in the late ‘90s, early ‘00s, when we’d scour newsgroups or stay glued to sites like the once-great Raving Toy Maniac for the latest on upcoming action figures and accessories.

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Now that I’ve been to the annual parade of play, I can see how short-sighted I was back then. This isn’t just a place for action figures or dolls. It’s for science kits and card games and puppets and dress-up costumes. It’s for strange goopy substances you want to squeeze between your fists forever. It’s about play, and play is so much more than putting a pretty thing on your desk.

That said, here are a ton of pretty things to put on your desk in the future.

There’s just something about a Nerf gun with a rotating saw blade. Something Gears of Warsy.
How about a Nerf gun with a modular 720p action cam attachment?
Or all of the attachments. All of them.
This picture is here to remind me how much money I am going to be spending on my wife when i get home.
Cutest Monopoly game ever?
Cutest Clue game ever? Well, coolest.
This right here is just brilliance.
Pie Face has certainly taken off. If people wanted whip cream randomly in their faces they should have told me.
I could make this work.
I was like “Can you demo this for me?” and she was like “Watch this shit.” She did not say that, but she was probably thinking it.
Star Wars Bladebuilders, now with the spinning Inquisitor mechanism from Star Wars Rebels. Yeeeees.
So glad to see Nico getting some Marvel action figure love. Now where’s Squirrel Girl?
No, that’s Silk. The one who did Peter Parker a lot.
No, that’s Captain America with awesome shield tossing special effect.
Closer? There could be squirrels inside those flames?
Distracted by translucent purple I temporarily forget about what’s her face.
Is it just me, or is Spidey’s Peter Parker head looking approvingly at his own crotch?
Just Deadpool, doing his Deadpool thing.
Here Kitty Kitty Kitty.
Did I mention I love translucent figures, Iceman?
Spider-Gwen, Spider-Gwen, does whatever a Spider ken.
Apologies to Hasbro for completely forgetting the name of these Yo-Yo toys. Anything that gets kids to Yo-Yo is okay in my book.
It was about here where the intense heat in the Hasbro showroom started to kill me. But who cares, that’s FORTRESS MAXIMUS.
This is the hall of (robots that transform into) heads.
So many different little head robots Skullcruncher doesn’t know where to start. Moments later he explodes.
Coronation? This is bad caption writing, Starscream!
“OM MY GOD HE IS SO AWESOME!” I squealed upon seeing the new Fortress Maximus in person.
“Not you,” I quickly added to the security guard behind the robot. “I’m sure you’re nice, but you’re not a giant robot.”
Children have no idea what this is. It’s called a photograph. Blaster is in it.
The coolest thing to come out of the Robots in Disguise line. He’s basically Awesome As Hell Optimus Prime.
Why does Play-Doh always look so delicious?
I stopped at Tomy to OH MY GOD SHE’S SO CUTE!
It’s 12 months of Pokemon for the series’ 20th anniversary. This means ALL THE PLUSHIES.
I have to procure them all. Only then shall I reach the pinnacle.
This guy knows Patrick. I included him in the pictures because of this.
I was really excited to see the 25th Anniversary Sonic the Hedgehog toys. Then I saw them, and the Sonic cycle began anew.
Don’t try to cheer me up, big-headed Sonic.
Only Officer Judy Hops can cheer me up. I might have stolen this one. With permission.
I have no idea what these are, but they are beautiful.
And if I die today I’ll be some happy atoms. If you get that reference, great! If not, all praise science.
More metal sheet building toys from the folks at Fascinations.
See the jets taking off from the tiny flight deck?
The entire thing is only like six or seven inches long. Looking at it made Luke’s fingers bleed.
We’re getting into doll territory. These little Monster High minis are going to be all over my house when they come out.
My wife has already assured me there is no escape.
DC Superhero Girls Harley Quinn is pretty much the best thing ever.
This is Floof, a material that makes you want to squeeze it in your fists until you die. That’s the best way to explain it.
Hedgehogs from Douglas Cuddle Toys. I want to fill our house with these. All the way.
Never get this close to Ty merchandise. There is no escape.
I do not know what these are, but they should be in my life.
Dark Horse is also doing Halo ships. This is that really f***ing annoying one.
Mega Bloks not only grabbed the TMNT building license from LEGO, they’re KILLING it.
Fran from Final Fantasy XII makes me want to go back and finish Final Fantasy XII.
I blame the fear of sending my wife crappy pictures on why I’m so good at taking pictures of Monster High dolls.
My leash, it is short and spiked.
It’s almost uncanny.
Speaking of mildly uncanny, here are the new Barbie dolls we can relate to. Well, “we”,
The only problem with these new diverse dolls is that no matter the funky haircut...
...ethnicity...
...complexion...
...or height, they are all still quite pretty. Who can ugly people relate to?
You are not helping, Fran.

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