Welcome back to "Backhanded Box Quotes," a collection of measured, thoughtful criticism from the user reviews of Metacritic and elsewhere.

Assassin's Creed III

Released: Oct. 31

Critic: elgringo (Metacritic)
"They pulled off Mass Effect 3 with this game."
Score: 0


Critic: Skycrimson (Metacritic)
"I thought I was actually playing AC2 again because GS gave me the wrong game."
Score: 0

Critic: revial (Metacritic)
"Conner was a mental midget who spends the entire game acting like a petulant six year old."
Score: 4

Critic: Aust1mh (Metacritic)
"game tries and fails to rip off Red Dead Redemption."
Score: 3

Critic: Comic Book Guy ElSuthero (Metacritic)
"After spending years studying the peninsular wars and American civil and revolutionary wars as a hobby I was absolutely bouncing off the walls waiting for this game. I'm British myself and couldn't wait to take on the relentless Redcoats and teach them a lesson in manners that apparently all Brits in the media are portrayed to have! This it would seem would be incredibly easy, every Redcoat in AC3 is simply obnoxious, now considering many army regulars were criminals or the lowest in social standing and many would have never seen a native american, a reaction for the worst would be expected, however considering that most 'Natives' sided with the British concerns me with regards to accuracy!...Poor Charles Lee, he had a particularly bad war, he wanted Washington's job. history suggests he didn't get it, but to make him out in early scenes to be a lovable rogue and in later scenes to be a child prodding sycophant is pushing it, he died of a fever with his hunting hounds. Sadly inconsistencies are throughout this game, even the weaponry is incorrect, I know I'm being a nerd here but how long and how many people were studying the history for this game?..."
Score: 4

Critic: NintendoSucks1 (Metacritic)
"Worst game since Super Mario Galaxy."
Score: 0


Need For Speed: Most Wanted

Released: Oct. 31

Critic: Jaha (Metacritic)
"I bet Super Mario Karts have better car handling."
Score: 0

Critic: Gar (Metacritic)
"This is a half breed for Burnout and Need for Speed. Bad thing is that they picked the worsts parts of both so its really really bad."
Score: 4

Critic: BSEI (Metacritic)
"It is however fun and enjoyable for small children or mentally challenged, the same as Mario Kart is."
Score: 2

Backhanded Box Quotes will be an occasional feature of Kotaku's Anger Management, unless it isn't.