While snack traditionalists cling desperately to their ketchup and mustard, those possessing progressive taste buds have succumbed to the spicy siren song of Sriracha. What sorcery is this? It's not magic — it's chemistry.

Those bastards.

Last week Lay's decided to award the U.S. potato chip prize to Cheesy Garlic Bread, the least interesting of the three "Do Us a Flavor" competitors. A little over a third of America voted for it, allegedly. That leaves a little under two-thirds of America to the mercy of price-gouging jerks on Amazon and eBay.

The votes have been tallied, and the results are in — U.S. potato chip consumers are boring and disappointing. The Lay's "Do Us a Flavor" promotional contest saw folks voting for one of three user-generated flavors — Chicken and Waffles, Sriracha or cheesy garlic bread. I tasted them all, and the winner was as clear…

Last summer Frito-Lay tapped into the power of social media to give fans of the company's signature potato chip brand a chance to choose the next exciting flavor to grace store shelves. Millions of flavor combinations were submitted. Some, like Spinach and Sour Cream, were relatively uninteresting. Others, like my own…