Overwatch finally has a release date, but the closed beta is still humming along, with frequent updates tweaking balance and adding new maps and modes. Everybody wants in. Some, uh, more than others.

Darkust#6214's Overwatch Beta: The RPG is a surprisingly robust text game about the process of watching, waiting, and hoping beyond hope for a beta invite to sneak into your inbox. The format is simple enough: beta waves last six minutes, and each action you take uses up a few seconds. Some actions boost your chances of receiving an invite by fractions of a percent.

In the process, you’ll earn items, money, and equipment. You’ve gotta be careful, though, because checking your inbox and doing your job increase your saltiness level. Too much salt over your increasingly hopeless situation, and you’ll die or post a really embarrassing rant to Reddit or something.

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There are also quests. That’s where the game ventures into the realm of fever dream fan fiction fantasy, sometimes involving Overwatch characters. For instance, I beat eSports mech pilot D. Va in a StarCraft match (she disconnected) and became the best player in the world. I retired immediately afterward. I also gave Winston the gorilla a bunch of peanut butter.

There are many ways to win and lose the game. Ultimately, I saved up and purchased Overwatch game director Jeff Kaplan’s beard. Here’s the ending I got:

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So that’s Overwatch Beta: The RPG in a nutshell. It’s good for a few laughs, and it even has achievements. Give it a try or, you know, just keep refreshing your inbox in vain hope until, finally, you are claimed by blissful oblivion.