Yesterday Microsoft revealed the Xbox One X, previously known as “Project Scorpio”, inside a sophisticated building somewhere in Los Angeles. I’m older than I was back in the days when I used to sneak my way into these things, so I did what every guy who is almost forty does — I plugged a Rode smartLav+ lavalier microphone into my iPhone 6s Plus and I recorded myself making snippy comments over the press conference.

Uh, actually, I wasn’t as snippy as I presumed I’d be. A lot of stuff impressed me. I think I might buy a 4K TV with HDR because of Forza “4Kza” 7. I want to see the wide color gamut sunshine reflections in the shallow puddles of that damp dawn asphalt. Also, I think if I buy that game, Microsoft is going to buy me a real-life Porsche? Look, I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in six weeks, so I am not 100% sure of that last part.

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Look, the press event was two hours long. I boiled it down to twelve minutes. I think you’re getting a bargain here. Check this out before Sony’s event today so you, like me, can Keep Score.

And, heck, I’m going to do this to Sony’s event today as well.

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Oh, by the way: hello. I am Tim Rogers. I’ve written articles for Kotaku before. (I wrote The Big Weird Ones.) Now I’m back, full-time, to do, uhh, Video Stuff Like This Right Here. Please like, comment, and subscribe — to meeeee~~~ (by continuing to read this website).

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Uh, yes; I’m going to lie down now.