Look at you people, all happy and smiling with your "Skyrim" and your "Modern Warfare." I'm winding up my time with Super Mario 3D Land, which hits shelves on Sunday. That's right, fuck off Bowser. I'm coming to kick your ass and there's nothing you can do about it because I'm dressed like a sparkly raccoon.
And if I fail enough, not only do I get the Super Tanooki suit, I also get the pussy wings that teleport me to the end of the level. So, man, this'll be the easiest Mario ever, right? Except it's not, really. Underneath its cheerful exterior beats the heart of a badass platformer.
I'm doing my best to avoid the little kid cheats except for, of course, the times when I wander off a tightrope into a pit of lava and just say the hell with it. Seriously, I really could play this game all day, and will all weekend. What are you playing?