Earlier this week we learned the shocking news: Witcher series star Geralt of Rivia has no penis. We can fix this. I know we can. I believe in us.

Geralt may not have access to the rod from which spurts eternal damnation, but don’t look at the as a negative thing. An artist doesn’t curse the blank canvas—it’s the receptacle for everything they have to offer the world. Unless they are a sculptor or a musician or any of those countless other artists who don’t use canvas. Then I’m just an asshole.

At any rate, behold your canvas.

Your job is to fill this space with something amazing. Something wonderful. Something a synonym for awful.

There is only one rule—that something cannot be genitalia of any kind. You have until next Saturday to come up with something to replace that initial idea.

How To Upload Images — Instructions

1. Create your ‘Shop and save it to your desktop. Images must be at least 636 pixels wide. If they aren’t, you will be playfully spanked.

2. Go to the bottom of this post

3. This brings up a comment window. Click

4. This brings up Click “Choose file” if you’re uploading your ‘shop from your desktop

5. Alternatively, you can upload the ‘Shop to a free image hosting service. I suggest imgur. Then paste the image’s URL into the field that says “Image URL.” Note: this must be the URL of the image itself, not the page where it is displayed. That means the URL ends in .jpg, .gif, .png, whatever.

6. Add editorial commentary and hit submit and your image will load. If it doesn’t, upload the image to imgur and paste the image URL as a comment. I promise I will look at it.

7. Large-size images may not upload properly, though we have seen some big-ass animated .gifs upwards of 5 MB. If you’re still having trouble uploading the image, try to keep its longest dimension (horizontal or vertical) under 1000 pixels, or the whole thing under 2 MB.

To contact the author of this post, write to fahey@kotaku.com or find him on Twitter @bunnyspatial.