Final Fantasy IV: The After Years, the direct sequel to FFIV, will come to Steam on May 12, Square Enix announced today. This’ll be a 3D remake in the style of the FFIV port that’s also on Steam (and on DS). Too bad it’s terrible.

I’ve already written a lot about why The After Years is one of the worst RPGs ever made, but here are some quick bullet-points:

  • The story is incoherent at best, straight-up fanfiction at worst.
  • The invisible random encounter rate is obscenely high.
  • Every single scenario forces you to rehash the things you saw and played in Final Fantasy IV. Often you’ll see flashbacks, too, which will drive you nuts if you’ve played FFIV more than once.
  • You have to re-fight just about every single boss from Final Fantasy IV.
  • You have to revisit just about every single dungeon from Final Fantasy IV. Some of them more than once. The Underground Waterway you have to play through five times to finish the game.
  • In case that wasn’t enough rehashing for you, the final dungeon brings back old bosses from other Final Fantasy games too.
  • The main character’s name is Ceodore.

Hopefully I can save you from making the same mistake I did—playing this game. Stay far, far away.

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You can reach the author of this post at jason@kotaku.com or on Twitter at @jasonschreier.