Earlier today Burger King revealed the ridiculously-tagged Satisfries, a new crinkle-cut potato product that's lighter and leaner than the competition. As it turns out, they are not the saddest fries. They might be the best fast food fries going.
Despite its best efforts, Burger King has never been known for its french fries. When I was a child they were stringy and sad, an impotent counterpart to McDonald's crispy, erect potato shafts.
BK fries have gone through several transformations since then, from bizarre, over-seasoned potato rods to their current incarnation, which I playfully call s**tsticks. They are just horrible, the main reason I usually stick to the chain's onion rings.
The Satisfries are not a replacement for sh**sticks, at least not right now. They're a limited time-only deal, which seems to me like code for "covering our asses in case people hate them."
I do not hate them. I want to praise them like I should.
Thick and beautiful, golden brown and lightly-seasoned with spices that no one need worry themselves about. These are gorgeous fried potato creations.
The crunch is heaven, the white, fluffy insides exploding in your mouth like an unattended, un-pierced baked potato in the oven. They are a joy to eat, and stopping once you start is out of the question, as evidenced by the video.
It took everything in me not to pick at the order I got to take home to the wife. She sat on the couch next to my oldest child, Seamus (oldest by 30 seconds, mind you), who kept stealing them out of her hands.
"They're really damn good," I said as she chewed. "The best Burger King has ever made."
"But Burger King's fries have always sucked," she replied.
Yes they have, but not any more. If they trash the current "normal" fries and extend "limited time" to forever, Burger King could be the go-to fast food restaurant for the french fry connoisseur.
Snacktaku is Kotaku's take on the wild and wonderful world of eating things, but not eating meals. Eating meals is for those with too much time on their hands. Past critiques can be found at the Snacktaku review archive.