Devil’s Share is a new Steam game that has, in the span of five days, racked up 454 reviews. Most of these are negative. And yet! The game is currently selling for less than a dollar. How bad could it be?
Pretty bad, it turns out. According to Steam, I’ve spent 34 minutes with the game. It’s crashed or frozen on me just as many times, making it one of the jankiest Steam games I’ve ever played. I had to run the game on the lowest possible settings just to mitigate how crappy its performance is.
According to the game’s description, Devil’s Share is supposed to be about a mercenary who is hired ‘by the church’ to ‘clean out the filth that has begun plaguing the lands.’
This is the filth:
Notice its preferred method of movement, skidding on the floor without using any of its limbs. This is the sort of unnatural devilry that only Satan and poor AI are capable of, I’m sure of it. I think the best part is that these enemies sap your health through proximity, meaning they can kill you without ever actually landing a hit on you. They can even kill you without being in the same room or area. At least you can defeat with a singular bullet, though. Who knew Satan’s minions were so feeble?
You can watch me try to play through the game here:
Things that happen in these seven minutes:
-I spend 30 seconds trying to figure out how to pick up keys, only to give up.
-Enemies teleport behind my back, sometimes even walk through walls.
-The game freezes like 5 times.
-The game plays dramatic music at random intervals, making it seem as if something horrible is about to happen. It never does.
-The game chastises me for not wading through garbage enough:
-The game has trouble letting me walk through doors.
-I go ‘fuck it’ after dying and try to kill as many demons as I can with my flashlight.
Devil’s Share is probably the most boring, uninspired Steam game I’ve ever played. But, for 24 cents? Hey. Knock yourself out, if you want! Just know what you’re getting yourself into.