Holy shit! It's the return of Evil, Evil DLC! We've been on hiatus through all of the summer, but now we're back to scold all of the pre-release preoder bonuses and day-one DLC drops for the big fall season.
Far Cry 3-Monkey Business Pack
Available: Why the fuck hasn't Far Cry 3 come out yet? I feel like that game should have been out in April. When is this thing—December? This isn't gonna be out until December?
Price: Nominally free.
What You Get: Four bonus missions involving bombs strapped to monkeys and some special death humiliations for multiplayer.
Why It's Evil: Because this will inevitably invite the wrath of our friends at PETA. Using monkeys as suicide bombers? That's rather inconsiderate of animal rights. Also, using Randall from that goddamn honey badger video, to narrate this trailer (NSFW language, also a lingering shot with honey badger balls in full view) is just phoning it in. already ripped this game, published by Square Enix, pretty good, but if you want to progress through this game, fighting additional demon bosses and hearing new music, it's going to cost you $2.99 per boss. Otherwise, you'll be stuck hearing the same tune and fighting the same battle that you bought, for $6.99 I remind you.
Evil Score: 5/5. The $6.99 base price is on the high end of an iOS game, and you get so little for it, I'm astounded Square has the chutzpah to sell you Satan himself for $9.99. That's evil.
Medal of Honor: Warfighter: Zero Dark Thirty
Available: Dec. 17.
What You Get: A map pack based on locations in Pakistan tied to the American hunt for, and killing of, Osama Bin Laden.
Why It's Evil: Well, map pack DLC is a given for any military shooter, and it's not like there's much sympathy for Bin Laden in the constituencies that will be buying and playing this game. It's still militainment, but then a dollar of every DLC purchase goes to the "Project Honor" charity that gets trotted out every time Medal of Honor does something cringe-inducing, like link to the makers of assault weapons through the game's main site.
Evil Score: 1/5, mostly for cynicism. But hell, we've been killing Hitler repeatedly in video games. It's not like Bin Laden appears in this map pack, so what's the harm in running around the land where he was holed up for so long.