Sorry folks, no time for Open Thread tonight. We ran out of internet. And colors.

In its place, I give you a solid black 960x540 image, suitable for printing and framing (click on the enlarge button in the bottom right-hand corner for a larger view). Why not just use HTML code to color the square without making everyone have to download an 8KB image? I'll explain my reasoning in tonight's Open Thread post.

Oh wait.

In lieu of the Open Thread post, here are a series of links you can read. They might seem like the sort of thing you'd see in Open Thread but believe me, they are completely different.

  • Nipples. Somehow I ended up on sister-site Jezebel's mailing list. I've been staring at my own nipples all day, trying to classify them. The hair doesn't help.
  • Turtles can breathe through their assholes. An inspiring collection of "OMG Facts", not to be confused with "OMG, Facts!" which is what you shout when facts sneak up on you unawares. Due to the laws of equivalent exchange, this almost means assholes can breathe through their turtles, if so equipped.
  • How to get Stephen Totilo your boss fired. Oops, little slip of the tongue there. Good thing there's no Open Thread post today.
  • You hear the one about the Polish guy that attacked reef sharks with a knife? No really, he spent the evening engaged in knife fights with some 11 reef sharks after being stranded while kite surfing. There's no punch line here. If anything, it makes one want to reconsider telling Polish jokes at his half-brother's expense. Almost.
  • Food Stamp Millionaire. A 24-year-old woman in Michigan won a million dollars in the lottery, buys a new house and a new car, and decides that staying on food stamps is okay. Dibs on her house when the local underprivileged set her on fire.

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Tune in tomorrow for a real Open Thread post, or possibly white.