To: Luke
From: Owen
Re: 9 Basterds

This weekend I thought I'd be writing about how I'd decided to re-grow my General Zod beard. Then Dad went bicycling and had a close encounter of the handlebar kind.

Long story short, he went cycling with Mom on her birthday Wednesday and flipped ass-over-teakettle, taking a handgrip to the gut. Because he got stuck right on the scar where he'd gotten an appendectomy 41 years ago - incidentally, an operation for which Mom drove him to the hospital, before they were even married - this created a very bad hernia, requiring emergency surgery.

I called Dad in his hospital room Friday morning. "You think you feel like shit," I said, "Teddy Kennedy just woke up with the worst hangover ever."

"You're lucky that wasn't funny," Dad said. When your abdominal wall's been compromised, it doesn't take much to make you laugh until you cry. "Imagine getting kicked square in the balls," he said. "Now imagine your balls are your stomach."

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(Note to commenter ZenGaijin: Explaining over IM your "Fupa PS3" comment, and other synonyms, caused Dad intense pain this afternoon. "God damn you," he told me. "I had to put the computer down when I broke out in a sweat from the pain from laughing.")

Dad told me about hearing all the Code Blue calls coming from the ICU, which were canceled seconds later. And not because the patient suddenly got better. "They got the do-not-resuscitate wristbands on," he said, "so I checked mine to make sure, since I was out of it when your mother admitted me here."

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The nurse popped in and Dad said he had to go. "She's listening to the gurgling in my abdomen through a stethoscope," he said. "I so want the Alien to burst out."

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