Nintendo's Father's Day Smash Bros. Tournament
Comment by: nick.soapdish
Nominated by: Pezdispenser

I guess the acceptable plural for the Nintendo Wii has just become Wii. Like sheep, or moose.

"We can see the herd of Wii roaming the countryside."

Sid Meier Won't Turn His Back On Wii
Comment by: Palladium
Nominated by: Crawl to China

Wii Civilize!
Play many different Civilization based Minigames using the Wiimote.
Move your Wiimote around vaguely to sow the fields to grow crops.
Connect the dots on a puzzle with a million dots to unlock nuclear secrets.
Use the Wii Fit Balance board to maintain "Political Balance".
Troops will automatically build and manage themselves.
Resource management has been eliminated, because that was confusing icky, and too hard.
Instead, you'll play a Bejeweled, and a variety of cheap flash minigames to gain the money you need, which will be distributed automatically in a way which guarantees you win.
Famous historical figures will be replaced with Mii versions of themselves.
The game comes packed in with a "Rake Attachment", "Pointer Attachment", "Magical Floating Hand Attachment", and a "Baseball Bat", just for the hell of it.
And, naturally, to play the way it was intended, you'll also have to buy a proprietary accessory that works with Wii Civilize alone.

Old Snake Says Don't Litter, Smoking Is Bad For You
Comment by: /Ethereus
Nominated by: Dayvie

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*draws weapon*
*install menu*

We are installing the Stinger Missile into your PS3. Please hold.

Did you know what stinger missiles pack a punch? That's right! Shooting them has detrimental effects to you and those around you, particularly infants, children, and the elderly.

Have consideration for others when choosing to stinger.

Mounted AoC Camper is Patient, Contemplative
Comment by: Bakeroo
Nominated by: Egon's Cartoon Hair

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"Conan, what is best in life?"

"To position your horse at a precipice , knock your enemies off the edge, and hear the lamentations of their saxophones."

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Billy Mitchell Manages to Make Himself Look Like an Even Bigger Ass
Comment by: Scrapple

If you have five dollars and Billy Mitchell has five dollars, Billy Mitchell has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Billy Mitchell's computer. Billy Mitchell is always in control.

Apple pays Billy Mitchell 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Billy Mitchell can sneeze with his eyes open.

Billy Mitchell can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Billy Mitchell is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Billy Mitchell destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Billy Mitchell can kill two stones with one bird.

Microsoft Responds To May NPD Sales, Seems Pleased
Comment by: okenny
Nominated by: PeteeWJ, Captain Impulse

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The price drop alone isn't enough to sustain long performance. Think of it this way. A price drop is like KY Gel. Sure it feels good while putting it on but if thats all you do then that was a short (no pun intended) and ineffective. The key here is to restore faith in the brand with the GPU issue resolved: This will achieve penetration. If you have penetration with out the the KY gel then things will be tight but rough and can create unwanted friction for people who just aren't ready to take you in. This could lead to a shorter climax and generally unsatisfactory results. MS can be successful if they take the steps to restore band confidence and use price drops to moisten the people who they are trying to penetrate and therefore achieve achieve a larger and deeper penetration at a much higher point of climax. The smoothness of this push will lead to a longer lasting success.
I think that this experience they are going through now is a humbling experience that will teach MS the importance of its consumers so hopefully when they climax, they won't Houdini us.

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Also know: Dip into tool territory and we'll ban yer ass. And quick!