House Listed!

To: Ash
From: Crecente
Re: Tough Times In Asia

Our house is now officially up for sale. The professional photographer came by yesterday to take pictures of every room and create a virtual tour. I couldn't help but quickly run around the house when he wasn't looking and hide Kotaku business cards in every room. Easter Eggs!!!

I mostly did it because I'm 7, but also because it cracks me up. Did I just give the same excuse twice?


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Kotaku Tower Review: Why Are You Reading This?

Since most people don't even need to read the reviews for this week's real releases, what better place to turn to than even the most mundane of articles? Without further ado...


It's Pretty: The HD graphics and real-time lighting really show well here. Seeing the wood grain and individual carpet threads is something else.

Nostalgia: Seeing the old fireplace again almost made me soil myself. It's hard to say whether the striped carpet was also intentional, but I'm guessing it totally was.

Toilets: It's so annoying when there are fewer toilets than rooms. This house does not have fewer toilets than rooms.



Where Are All The People?: Even the fanciest environments are nothing when void of life. The emptiness either hints at something sinister, or just laziness. Plus, we've all seen the hair. It's obvious they had the resources to do more.

Where Are All The Games?: Worst has to be the "theater" with a giant blank screen, or the lone computer in the farthest corner of the tower. Long-time fans are accustomed to seeing random swag in the background of every shot, yet they wont find any here.

Why Is This So Hard?: Seriously, I stared at those pictures for like ten minutes without finding any business cards. Screw that.


Overall, the house was pretty cool, even if it's probably just random prop furniture. There's also plenty of replay value in the four modes, and there's a mobile version too. However, it's probably pointless unless you're actually looking for a new house in Colorado.

Crecente's house listing was provided by Gerry. He seems like a cool dude, and the house tour was free. All the viewing modes were fully tested, except for stopping by on a Tuesday and asking for cookies and a walk-through. That last one's probably not a good idea.