The Week in Evil DLC

Illustration for article titled The Week in Evil DLC

Downloadable content. Everyone hates it—but everyone buys it. Yes, even you in the comments, smart guy. Here's a look at the latest package of extensions and pre-order bonuses designed to crowbar the last dollar out of your wallet. Can you still respect yourself if you buy it?


Rock Band: Slayer Pack 01

Available: April Fucking 10th.
Price: $5.49 or 440 Microsoft Points for three songs; or $1.99/160 MSP per song
What You Get: The songs "Raining Blood," "South of Heaven" and "Seasons in the Abyss" for play in all console versions of Rock Band.
Why It's Evil: Duh, hello, it's Slayer. They're the most evil band in metal.
Evil Score: 6/5.


NCAA Football 13 Preorder Bonuses

Available: July 10, when the game releases.
Price: Free with preorder
What You Get: . From Amazon, you get Nike Pro Combat clown suits for Army, Georgia, Michigan State, Oklahoma State and the retina-destroying Oregon Ducks. From Walmart, a "digital mini guide" by Prima. From Best Buy, a five-star high school quarterbacking prospect for the career mode. And from GameStop, the "Heisman Challenge 3-Player Pack: Tim Tebow, Mark Ingram and Matt Leinart."
Why It's Evil: First off, Nike should be tried in the Hague, along with Under Armor, for what they have done to college football uniforms. But that's a preorder incentive that most fans aren't likely to miss or even want. Best Buy's boost is kind of laughable, unless "Road to Glory" is cooking up some super-involved high school career that takes several hours to complete. The Prima Digital Mini Guide is a waste.

It's the licensed Heisman Trophy winners from GameStop that point to the evil, though. It means there's a roster of real-life Heisman winners to play as in the game, and if you are a fan of Alabama, you have to pre-order with GameStop if you want to play as your school in whatever this mode is, because Mark Ingram is the Crimson Tide's only Heisman winner. EA Sports has thus targeted the weakest-minded fanbase in the nation. And that's evil as hell.
Evil Score: 3/5. The hell with Alabama.

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Slayer is a great band, but I wouldn't dare say the most evil metal band. Ever heard of Mayhem? Look up Chainsaw Gutsfuck and Necrolust. Not to mention one of their live albums has a picture of the singer from that show after he sliced his wrists open and blew his brains out.