Backhanded Box Quotes: 'Gears of War with Normal Size People'

Illustration for article titled Backhanded Box Quotes: emGears of War/em with Normal Size People

Welcome to "Backhanded Box Quotes," a collection of super pissed-off user reviews from people just like you! Whoa, whoa, don't take that personal.



Released: June 5.

Critic: JayDeth (Metacritic)
"[S]ome things explode and suddenly your playing Gears of War with normal sized people. Yay?"
"[V]ery very bland and no one will ever remember it come next month."
Score: 4.


Critic: bomber214 (Amazon)
"... an amateur cut-rate attempt at Gears of War."
"I know many people get bent out of shape at reviews from people who haven't completed the game. I very seriously doubt I will bother to play much further."
Score: 2 stars.

Lollipop Chainsaw

Released: June 12

Critic: jdogginess (Metacritic)
"if you just need to rub one out to a cheerleader in a video game because you feel guilty surfing porn, you might score this a 6 or 7. Otherwise you will think it a 2."
Score: 2.

Critic: Billionaire (Amazon)
"Lollipop Chainsaw belongs in a bargain bin for $5 or maybe just $1."
"If you want a great zombie game, wait for Black Ops II."
Score: 1 star.

Critic: ECAstu (Amazon)
"I'll say this, at least it's different. It's not a sequel or call of duty."
Score: 2 stars


Backhanded Box Quotes will be an occasional feature of Kotaku's Anger Management hour, unless it isn't.

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The Great and Powerful Candlejack

Kotaku really should have posted the other part of "Billionaire"'s review just so we can all know exactly why people need to be removed from the internet.

"This is like one of those rushed movie games that have no depth. I like the visual style of this game. I like the fun attitude and fun graphics. I like the comic book motif. But I think it's severely lacking in gameplay and content. You only get one weapon, the chainsaw. You just use kicks and chainsaw attacks on zombies over and over. It's very monotonous. They should have had a variety of cheerleader girls, and probably some male characters too. There should have been 4 player co-op. There should have been a variety of fun weapons. There should have been power ups. There should have been traps to use on the zombies, such as electric gates and fire gates. The zombie game in Black Ops and World at War is far superior to this game. They could have done far more with it than they did. Also I really did not like that she had her boyfriend's head strapped to her waist."