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In a recent Zero Punctuation review, Yahtzee couldn't declare which blockbuster game "about super-powered assholes" was better, but would give the honor to the studio that best drew the rival game's protagonist in drag. More »
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I have been an on-again and off-again fan of Yahtzee's cutting comedic game reviews since they first hit scene. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5113160&view=rss&microfeed=true When Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw isn't reviewing video games like Age of Conan or Alone in the Dark, he's meeting his contractual obligations with The Escapist, weighing in on things like trailers shown at E3. In four minutes and forty seconds, Yahtzee picks apart non-playable previews for games like Prince of Persia, Final Fantasy XIII, Resident Evil 5 and Fallout 3 with sexy results. Actually, that should've been hilarious results. We were still thinking about the pus covered roulette wheel and anal shielding imagery from this episode. Two of our choicest fetishes! More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5031296&view=rss&microfeed=true While Yahtzee isn't that big a fan of the Ememorpagah (MMORPG) genre, he decided to suck up his general distaste and plunge into the world of Funcom's Age of Conan anyway, a fact I am sure has nothing to do with the fact that The Escapist currently looks as if it were being forced out of one of the game's distended orifices. These sorts of coincidences always happen with website advertising, such as the other week when my Coors Lite review went up. Awkward! More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5028218&view=rss&microfeed=true Yes, it's from last week, but we were busy, so didn't get around to it. So enjoy it now, like cold, leftover pizza for breakfast. You know the drill: Yahtzee plays Alone in the Dark, Yahtzee plays the critic while making the game's faults seem far funnier than they actually are. And a lot funnier than the new intro/outro music, which seems specifically engineered to be as unsuitable as humanly possible. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5027114&view=rss&microfeed=true Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, it's pretty fun, try it out. This pretty much sums up Yahtzee's latest Zero Punctuation, in which he takes on Lego Indiana Jones, a game far too cute and nostalgia-packed to really trash. Don't let the quick summary keep you from watching, however, as not only are there some truly laugh-out-loud moments in the main review, the bonus review afterwards is just dead on. More »
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]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5021521&view=rss&microfeed=true Click to view In this week's Zero Punctuation, Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw takes on the PlayStation 3's great white-haired hope, Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, and as I expected he pokes at all of the usual failings people tend to find with the series. Too many cutscenes, confusing plot twists, redundant dialogue, etc. To a point I have to agree with him. I played through the game myself this past weekend, and I have to say that had they not included the nifty camera swapping mechanic during mission briefings I would have fallen asleep at several points throughout the game. I did, however, find myself crying like a baby several times during the experience, though that could be attributed to the fact that I can be an oversensitive little bitch at times. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5019567&view=rss&microfeed=true Why didn't you enjoy Haze? If you've actually played it, and aren't just accepting that the game's a load of crap because the internet told you so, feel free to watch this week's episode of Zero Punctuation and choose from one of dozens of reasons Yahtzee catalogues to agree with. Oh, and if you're wondering why the video progress bar is only 2/3 of the way through when ZP finishes, don't. Just...press stop right away. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5017817&view=rss&microfeed=true Leave it to Yahtzee to make me feel bad about a game I spent over sixty hours exploring. I could have sworn I had thoroughly enjoyed myself back then, but now I'm not so sure. I suppose this is the double-edged sword of reviewing older titles. The week before last's Painkiller review made me dig out my copy of that game, and now he has me pondering burying Oblivion. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5013070&view=rss&microfeed=true Sorry for the hold-up! Here's this week's Zero Punctuation, which is taking on Square Enix's DS title The World Ends With You. Totally agree about using the dual screens during the combat. Totally. More »
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Seemingly moments after The Escapist released this week's Zero Punctuation video featuring 2004's horror FPS Painkiller, Steam's home page got an updated advertisement for the Gold Edition of the game, utilizing Yahtzee's astute insight into the biggest selling point of the title. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5010740&view=rss&microfeed=true According to Yahtzee we are just now slipping into the Summer gaming drought, so rather than struggle to find a more recent game to review he's gone and dug out 2004's Painkiller, one of the best FPS games ever for folks that just want to kill some monsters. As Yahtzee points out, Painkiller not only lets you kill tons of bad guys, it also lets you do it in some very creative ways. More »
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]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=388288&view=rss&microfeed=true What starts out as a pretty slow, actually not so funny take on God of War Chains of Olympus, turns to typical gold after Yahtzee seems to find his stride and knocks it out of the park again and again... as usual. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5007359&view=rss&microfeed=true This week sees Yahtzee take on a subject that has been plaguing him for weeks, his fans. Specifically his fans who have been angrily demanding a Super Smash Bros. Brawl review since time began. Well here it is folks, and he isn't exactly pleased with the way things turned out, though a great deal of the negativitiy seems to stem from where he decided to review it rather than the game itself. A fine job, with special thanks to GAMETRADERS ROBINA, but still only the second best video review of SSBB on the internets. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=383143&view=rss&microfeed=true This week, Yahtzee officially reviews Condemned 2. And that's great. But then, in the heat of passion, he breaks into a mini-review of Indigo Prophecy. Plus, if you really think about it, there's actually a good amount of rhetoric on the original Condemned, too. So you are actually getting like 2 to 2 1/2 Zero Punctuations this week. And it's all coming at you for a low, low price of just $100 an episode. Oh, didn't you know? Then you're fucked, man. But at least you get some steak knives (for only $8.95 S/H). More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=380529&view=rss&microfeed=true While Yahtzee was a little bit late to squeeze into our No More Heroes Frankenreview, he still offers a pretty enjoyable review of the game, likening the experience to, among countless other colorful, non sequitur metaphors, Branston Pickle. Having never consumed Branston Pickle, I can only assume that this review is absolutely, utterly false in its conclusion. And as I don't plan on visiting Branston's home in England any time in the near future to try it (or even going to the shelf in any large chain store to buy it), I should live a life of blissful ignorance for some time. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=377854&view=rss&microfeed=true While I had previously thought that Yahtzee might be slowly losing his touch, this week's Zero Punctuation on Army of Two actually made me laugh out loud in several spaces, though that could be whatever illness is currently ravaging my body (I suspect scurvy). It actually plays out a lot like Crecente's review of the game, with the exception that Crecente loved the weapons customization, which in Yahtzee's eyes makes him a...you know, I'm pretty sure completing that sentence isn't conducive to being employed, so I shall just leave it at that. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=375167&view=rss&microfeed=true I bought Zack & Wiki on day one, triumphantly presenting my wife with the game that would both explain some of my history as a gamer (PC adventure junkie) and placate her need for an interactive experience without headshots or corpse humping—all while providing us a worthwhile, couple-building challenge. She got about ten minutes into it before deciding to hate the game forever. Yahtzee likes Zack & Wiki a bit more than she did. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=372453&view=rss&microfeed=true Spoiler alert! Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw doesn't like Turok. But instead of editorially ripping that game a new one, this episode of Zero Punctuation simply uses it as an example of everything that's wrong with console first person shooters. Not the least of which are Aliens-esque character rehashes, the "grizzled, sassy multi-ethnic military types often wearing—or at least located somewhere inside—suits of powered armor" otherwise known as Space Marines. It's a doozy, mostly because of Yahtzee waxing nostalgic about the "backwoods pig rapists" of Redneck Rampage. Give it a play. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=369890&view=rss&microfeed=true I don't know if Yahtzee is slowly losing his touch or if I'm just getting used to him, but I suppose even a mouthful of angry bees can get boring if you do it every week. This time around he takes on Burnout Paradise, which he describes as, "A game for cool people who like fast cars and don't have enough time to play games because of all the sex they have." That having been said, I've just ordered a dozen copies, just in case anyone takes him seriously. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=367188&view=rss&microfeed=true This week, in between some scathing political commentary, Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw reviews Uncharted: Drake's Fortune for the PS3. Does he like it? Of course not. Can you imagine his reviews happy? We can only pray that divine intervention keeps both love and ecstasy from Yahtzee's grasp, lest we lose Zero Punctuation forever. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=361404&view=rss&microfeed=true No new Zero Punctuation yesterday? Why!?!?! Well because Yahtzee was busy appearing in a series of interstitials for last night's Game Developers Choice awards at GDC, and here for your viewing pleasure is that series of interstitials. See Croshaw take on faceless FPS protagonists, the guitar based game phenomenon, and finally the entire year of 2007. Very odd to be hearing censor beeps during an episode of Zero Punctuation, but you've heard enough of Yahtzee's ranting at this point that your mind will probably automatically fill in the blanks anyway. Bollocks! More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=359025&view=rss&microfeed=true This week Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw of X-Play fame takes a look at SimCity Societies and doesn't quite like it, coming to the conclusion that drawing your own city in MS Paint would be a more fulfilling experience - but that's not important. What is important is the touching story of love and loss that follows the review, featuring characters from Valve's Team Fortress 2 and a musak version of "Up Where We Belong" from 1983's An Officer and a Gentlemen. It'll bring a tear to your eye. Share it with someone you love this Valentine's Day. More »
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Wow Yahtzee, you've done the impossible. You have a television program running previews of a freaking 3-minute review. Yeah, did you hear? X-Play will be running a snippet of your upcoming Zero Punctuations every Tuesday night. And including the clip's introduction, run time, and accompanying in-show bumpers, we wouldn't be surprised if this Tuesday teaser took just as long as your actual Wednesday review. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=354976&view=rss&microfeed=true Yahtzee isn't all that fond of taking requests, but it seems that the horde of Call of Duty 4 fans hungry to see their favorite game get slapped in the face with Croshaw's angry, spite-filled penis have moved him to action. In reviewing the game he comes to realize what we've known for months - Call of Duty 4 is just as good as a prostitute with three identical sets of genitalia. Of course he draws this conclusion out a good four minutes, but it is a very good four minutes indeed. I think I prefer it when he reviews games that he likes, as it seems to make him try harder. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=353334&view=rss&microfeed=true When Capcom released a rail shooter as their next installment to Resident Evil, it was almost asking for a once over by Zero Punctuation's Ben Croshaw. All in all he's pretty fair to the game and the concept, though thank goodness for black boxes covering cartoon privates. More »
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We're all big fans of Zero Punctuation around here, so we were pretty eager to read Boing Boing Gadgets' interview with auteur Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw (why we didn't do one ourselves...hindsight). In addition to talking about his favorite games (Silent Hill 2, Prince of Persia: Sands of Time and Portal), Croshaw finally laid to rest the debates we've had over how long these spots take to produce. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=349023&view=rss&microfeed=true While I love Croshaw's latest review, this one of The Witcher, I wasn't so delighted with the bit of comedy machinima slapped on to the end. It was, I hope, just an experiment and one we won't see more of anytime soon. Fortunately The Review of The Witcher has a wonderful punchline and mentions washing gimps, so I'll forgive him his indulgence. More »
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Zero Punctuation, everyone's favorite video game rant reviewer, will be making a guest appearance at this year's Game Developer Choice Awards during the GDC next month. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=348007&view=rss&microfeed=true I'm right up there with Mark when it comes to Zero Punctuation, harboring a bizarre sort of hetero man-love for Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw while constantly fearing that the next Zero Punctuation will be the episode where he finally loses it and simple says the word "cock" over and over again for three minutes using all sorts of tonal modulations while his adorable little stick figure avatar sits in the corner of the screen and cries. Luckily this week's review of Crytek's Crysis is not that episode, and aside from the obligatory "OMG system specs" moment, Ben manages to entertain completely while making references to prison rape, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, and the master himself - Columbo. More game reviews need to end with a giant thumb's up popping out of a crudely drawn cartoon character's ass. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=345581&view=rss&microfeed=true The latest Zero Punctuation almost had me fooled, I thought, for a second, that it was going to heap lots of love on the game, in that punctuation-free, staccato burst of insight that we've all come to know and love. But in fact, Ben Croshaw, you guessed it, hates Silent Hill: Origins also. Stop the presses. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=342922&view=rss&microfeed=true This will make no sense without watching the clip, but I agree with absolutely everything said in this review other than most of what is said about Super Mario Galaxy itself. And it should be fairly obvious by now that the Princess is really just an excuse for Mario and Bowser to eventually explore a homosexual/heterospecies relationship, as soon as they work through their self-hate (mirrored in one another). More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=339575&view=rss&microfeed=true As a self=proclaimed Mass Effect fanboy AND Zero Punctuation cult worshipper, I feared the viewing of this clip would either: More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=335810&view=rss&microfeed=true Given that we used Yahtzee's "watery ejaculate sandwich" metaphor in the headline, you'd think that he didn't like Assassin's Creed. But actually, he enjoyed the game quite a bit—at a level somewhere between Jericho and Orange Box—which though a wide margin, is clarified by (yet another) "bronze" medal metaphor. We don't have much else to say on the topic, other than now we know why you always go for the gold. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=330309&view=rss&microfeed=true Oooh, Yahtzee is angry today. He doesn't like Clive Barker's Jericho very much, and even in the soft, white-gloved hands of his sensitive rhetoric, his Jericho dislike bleeds through into the review...just a bit. Actually, I found it (and all the other mediocre reviews) all quite refreshing, since I assumed that something must be wrong with me—switched at birth with a real video game writer possibly—to have had no interest in this game, ever. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=322668&view=rss&microfeed=true This week's Zero Punctuation sees Yahtzee go head to head with Nintendo's reviewer masterpiece, The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, coming to the inevitable conclusion that the next Zelda game would be much better were it Okami. This is of course true for most games released these days, but I'm not going to point that out to him lest he disembowel me with a well aimed, super-speed tirade. More »
]]> http://kotaku.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=320102&view=rss&microfeed=true We're not sure if Yahtzee hates MOH Airborne or America more. But he's pretty funny as usual on both accounts. And we appreciate when he points out that video games about WWII have lasted longer than the real WWII. What can we say? We freaking love teabagging Hitler. More »
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