Oh and saying 10,000 bc is in the same vein is just CRAZY TALK!!!!

taomaster99

jusst kidding :D

Tei

Enigma_20XX

So true, so true...

re4de2ye0

*cue sad expression expressed within asterisks*

Mesren_Makai

One of the bonuses for me is that how often do you get a chance to see over-the-top fantasy movies like this. It reminded me of bad fantasy flicks from the 80s. My group of friends are also avid D&D players and we love seeing movies like this because of its sheer stupidy. I would recommend it to ANY kotakuiute :)

rupinderpaul

AlDim

niledeltadisco

My breakdown of the 60 Million it costed to make talkie defacation:
40 of it had to go to the actors to convince them that they want to do this movie.
10 of it had to movie execs to convince them that this movie would look good in their catalog.
5 million went to theater execs to convince them that they want to show this garbage.
1 million went to the shortly-going-to-HD-DVD-camp to convince them that this movie is the second coming of their platform.
2 million for the usage of rights for a Dungeon Siege game.
500K for costumes and sets
20K (and that's generous) for cameras and production equipment
and the rest in takeaway money in some old suitcase marked "Lederhosen"
*Production staff consists of film students with tourettes and screenwriters with ADD.

That's how it plays in my head, anyway.

Soldier_CLE scratches himself, seems pleased.

rainofwalrus

Would be nice if someone would fire that moron. I could make better game movies. How? BY ACUALLY TURNING THE GAME, not the idea of a game, INTO A MOVIE.

Plus, appealing to fans and providing them fan service would be a nice friggin' gesture.

Like for example, Dead Rising could be a decent movie (I think, really depends on what gamers think, I suppose), Call of Duty 4, and F.E.A.R. Boy, now if someone could make those correctly. :D

GuardianEarth

As a sidenote, the math/logic needs a little refinement. From Box Office Mojo ([boxofficemojo.com]), ItNotK opened in 1632 screens and made $2,984,524. This gives $1828 per screen. The article used tickets costing $8, with 4 screenings per day. Two of those screenings would be at matinee price; I will guess a matinee of $5. So for 6 matinee showings and 6 full price showings over the weekend, with an "ideal" even number of viewers at each screening, you are looking at $152 for each screening, with 19 full price viewers, and 30 matinee viewers.

Still horrendous.

SuperFox

PlaidNinja

I think 10,000 BC looks rather pointless as well. It's from the same guy who directed Independence Day (decent popcorn flick, I guess...) but he's also the same guy who did the Godzilla remake.

Sadly, it will make more money than a Boll film though, if only because it has better special effects and will be positioned as a theatrical event for the masses.

VicViper

re4de2ye0

sadkermit - soon to be banned for standing up to the ummm nazi.

Looks like you figured out his diabolical scheme.

lgndk11r

Cap'n Jack

rainofwalrus

floppylobster

NunianVonFuch

Seriously Uwe, we'll PAY you not to make movies anymore. Please, just please. Stop it.

ChronosCrow

Irenicus-the one and only

WEEKS.

That, combined with whatever he manages to squeeze out before US theater owners yank him in favor of more classic cinema like Meet The Spartans and international DVD sales will at least help him break even, with his tax writeoffs giving him a hefty bonus. Plus I think in an interview recently he stated about 100K of the budget goes to his salary. ;P

The way I see it, i I can sit through Dungeons and Dragons and get a laugh out of it, I should be able to sit through this with my family and have a grand time giving it the MST3K treatment. In fact that's how Uew should market his films: as social experiences like Rocky Horror, which, let's face it, is a really shitacular film if you're not in a theater packed full of its fans.

Can you imagine sitting in a packed theater of people who love to make fun of his movies watching this piece of crap? Just like the guy above said, it would be one hell of a fun night.

7th

It works trust me, it worked for me with the movie payback as well.

Irenicus-the one and only

Jthmeffy

...that's one goddamn bridge too far. He must be stopped.

LordMaim

LordMaim

Luke Plunkett

The Dark Defender

Providence

Of course one could argue that Ray Liotta, Burt Reynolds, and co gave that up when they signed on to the project in the first place.

Smadubaku

Still if the consensus is it's a so-bad-it's-good movie... good for them.

SSJPabs

ViolenceMan

The movie-proper, though, is absolute trash but HYSTERICAL to watch - it's like the most devastating satire of D&D-style generic fantasy ever made by accident. Sample dialogue from Burt Reynolds as The King (spoken with absolute grave sincerity): "Wisdom shall our hammer... and Prudence shall be our nail!"

moviebob

Smadubaku

Hey, anyone seen "Good Sunday"?

Highlander Wolf

Covert_Knight

mpmaley

Bokusatsu_Tenshi

Samos42

Sabre_Justice: Okay, no more long name.

Blargorg

humorbot

Gantz: Your Trusted Friend in Science.

Merus

smitty1123

Darkest Daze

josephmcklay

"Working with Boll was a real accomplishment in my life," he'll begin. "He came onto the set and he knew what to do. We thought he was drunk or on medication half the time, but that's just his unique creative genius at work. He'd stumble out of the trailer naked, growling like a bear with a tinfoil hat on his head and he'd direct us."

Nah. I think Statham's got some good films down the line. Just nothing...medieval..or involving a bald man in a suit fighting bad guys.

Maybe Boll will quit making lame films and finally go back to boxing. Seems to be the only thing he's good at, and this is coming from someone who LOVES boxing. Boll's got it down in the ring, in my opinion. Outside....he's all fail. Then again....he COULD be directing the next great Dead or Alive Sequel or better yet, Halflife, the movie.

Aragashi

VishusBurn

frostcircus

OneManFreakShow

Somone find that website dedicated to bashing uwe boll. It has the woodgrain layout with his quotes and all the good stuff.

Fyren

KeroseneClimax

...

Furious_Liver

ConfuciusMax

Fuck his pride, if this doesn't hurt his career then maybe a swift kick in the "Bolls" will.

Trowble (XBL/PSN)

most fun i've had in a movie in a while.

first of all, i think it should have been called "jason statham with a sword, dudes!"

anyway, i was really hoping our audience was there to laugh like us and i was greatly rewarded. darin and i were the only ones really laughing for the first ten minutes or so, mostly because the dialog was sooooo bad. but the first time you see burt reynolds in his ridiculous king's outfit and he turns toward the camera, the entire theater busted up laughing. i knew it was going to be fun from that moment on.

and as the movie progressed everyone got more into laughing at it and we began to make funny comments during the movie. it was so great.

ray liotta is the best villain ever, but i do wish his scheme was to harvest honey to sell in supermarkets.

a couple of my favorite parts include burt reynolds' death scene, where he and jason statham keep talking for at least five minutes but nothing they are saying makes any sense. it's like uwe boll said "ignore the script! just use words that come to your mind and don't attempt sentences!". he was talking about farming and seaweed and all kinds of nonsense. and it just goes on and on. the entire theater was dying laughing during that whole scene.

and there is one guy who looks so confused the entire movie. it's as if he doesn't know where he is, who he is, or what the hell is going on. he tells his sister that their parents died and she's crying on him and he looks like he doesn't know why she's crying or who she is. and then at the end of the movie he exclaims "what's going on?!", and we all laughed again, because it was totally in character.

oh, and when the ninjas show up it's totally amazing!

and the songs that play during the credits totally rule. you have to sit through the credits.

i give this film experience an A++++! go see it with friends!

MIKEAWESOME

People scrambled to toss money at him and his various abortions... ahem... "projects," before the loophole was closed.

So we still have a couple more years of his insanity to deal with. Let's hope he doesn't take down any decent franchises with him in the mean time.

PapaBear434

I am the most idiotic man alive.

Lezard

SG_Mahonay

Quality aside, why would you give money to a man whose movies continually lose money? I remember something about some German tax law loophole a while back, but wasn't that fixed? Am I just imagining things?

kylenalepa

Hah, oh I do not doubt Uwe's unique ability to suck on levels once though impossible. I've never actually subjected myself to any of his films. As a bad joke I think it'd be funny to bring this movie along when I'm hanging out with friends, when it goes to DVD next week this time, and watch them squirm. We can play "how much inebriation does it take to make Dungeon Siege entertaining?".

SG_Mahonay

grumbel

Renoistic

I mean, this really begs the question: how many times can somebody fail at something before they either quit or are fired.

George Bush is still President. You just have to know the right people.

PapaBear434

altgod

NoFunShogun

I've seriously pondered for a long, long time how you could possibly make a movie worse than House of the Dead.

Cast Tara "Is my boob showing I'm so drunk I can't tell" Reid as a world renowned, genius level IQ anthropologist.

PapaBear434

"Tired of his life in the ghettos of Japan, young Parappa is an aspiring musician struggling to make his way to the top in the new summer blockbuster 'Parappa the Rapper: the Musical'"

EightBit

Furious_Liver

I hate to see Jason Statham and Ray Liotta misused for movies like this. They (whomever writes and finances this stuff) should have made something like "No Escape" as sort of a spiritual sequel...oh and why do they always get a Hong Kong choreographer for a medieval-fantasy movie...Imagine 300 with kung-fu Spartans, Im sure that would have done as well.

BigBadBlender

Do we really need to at this point? He has never, NEVER made a good film. Period.

@K-Squad! (Badass Edition):

Not really. A lot of people donate to stuff like this as a tax write-off. They pitch in a few bucks as a "donation to the arts," and they get a write-off that's bigger than what they donated. At the same time, someone else donates to the fund "expecting" a return. And then, when it flops, they can write it off as a failed business venture, and thus basically get their money back in full tax free (as it was not subject to taxes, being "invested" at the time of accountment.)

Find enough people willing to do one of these two options, you now have $60 million to play with, and in both cases they know it will flop and don't care.

It's money in the bank to them.

Luckily, most of these loopholes have closed, so we are only subject to Uwe's madness for a few more years. Hopefully, the stigma of video game/movie transitions can be shaken off after a few years and someone serious can try to make a live action version of Assassin's Creed or something cool.

PapaBear434

And can't he just come up with bad ideas on his own? Why drag game franchises into this mess?

Raidei

I know I read something about this whole 'strategy' years ago.

jollydwarf

ca$h

K-Squad! (Badass Edition)

ca$h

grumbel

James Gandolfini as Mario, Keanu Reeves as Link, and Paris Hilton as Samus, with Tinkerbell as Pikachu.

blackadvent

gogators88

Lezard

VenoMuS

DrAndonuts2k

I will go cry now.

Saint Anima

Dreadfish

DasKonstruct

dowingba

Ethereal006

beem

He's a hack, he's a horrible director, and he's a dick. What kind of person says (paraphrased) "If you don't like my movies, I'll beat you up"???

Raidei

Uwe Boll presents: Super Smash Bros., The Movie

Saint Anima

dowingba

Sure, the "Transporter" movies were brainless, but they were top-shelf action craziness.

Now, after doing something like this, the Hollywood execu-bots are going to wrongly assume, as they are apt to do often, that it's Stathom and his apparent lack of star power that made this a stinker instead of Boll's idiot antics.

This is a black mark to everyone involved, except for Uwe himself. He's so marred already that $3.3 is probably quite an improvement on his net-worth.

PapaBear434

Then I watched the movie again with Boll's commentary turned on. Listening to him trash his critics and applaud his own ability to rip off, of all movies, The Relic, has convinced me that there is no way that he could possibly be native to our dimension.

Lezard

FP Shindokie

If I'm paying for my wife and I, a "small" snack, and the gas to get to and from the theater, it becomes a $30+ affair. So F that. DVDs are cheaper by the square inch.

Or something.

2NinjasTapedTogether

SG_Mahonay

romBox

bangbangblah

God damn Ice Cube film that sucks must have stole Boll's $$$.

ProfWho

First Sunday finished better with the #2 spot, it didn't make the top ten, and it has 3% on RottenTomatoes. I'd say he made himself look like an idiot, but that might wind up being a complement.

Vyse24

ceilingFANBOY

Are you kidding? 10,000 BC will rule and the box office numbers will show it. It's in another galaxy compared to Boll's shit. Do some research on it.

LittleBigPlaneteer

If it was my job to sell 20 cars a month at a car dealership and I sold only one, I'd probably be fired after the first month. Yet this butthole somehow keeps having game properties and millions of dollars dropped in his lap....

The movie industry astounds me sometimes...

Raidei

GregoriusH

Lezard

SXGlory

Spartan1308™

TheHun

baberg

Lezard

TheHun

Maximus9

zwilliams07

The Vampire Raziel

ceilingFANBOY

The Vampire Raziel

ConfuciusMax

Kenaue

Mikey G

suya123