Shenanigans, I say.

The Commissar

captronj

BurkHalter

bernbaum

Grimm

Now, $200 a month...assuming a 20-day working month at 2 hours a day, that's barely minimum wage! But then again, is there a minimum wage in Japan?

kftgr

*goes to wipe the egg of my face*

Mookie

Well, I don't see it happening so, congratulations Witzbold, do all us lowly commenters proud.

Mookie

@Eliasoz: Actually since I have you as a follower I just see messages appear that when someone who Im following comments in a story. Then I just go to check if its new or not.

Witzbold

Do you get a notification when someone replies to you? 'Cause that'd be 1337.

I downloaded the game, but can't get the damn sound to work right. I think after a re-format though it will work fine, I just messed with a hotfix from MS since my last format (a little over a year ago), and I think that's why.

I might just buy it from amazon for ten bucks, for the hell of it.

Eliasoz_01

Tepoz

Rastaman4200

Plus penguins are sexy beasts.

Randroid

Norellicus

yashichi8bit

thereturnoftheufo

Piuro

William Killer Shatner

Hyperfludd

Hahahahahahha, priorities buddy. For someone who seems to be so ban happy you should know threatening it is a ban.

Your ass kissing is quite strong though, that's for sure.

rochec

dv8godd

GullyZiss

MissingNo

amaaazing.

joelface

Too bad your name calling [personal bashing] still doesn't give you amnesty from being banned ... good luck come the first Monday!

EnigmaNemesis

Schabrak

So much for that crap. Congrats Witzbold you beautiful bastard!

Sawboss

Also, fart.

whitey9

Iocarios

Blah8

armchairnixon

Cameroo

CaptainMurphy

epionx111

Loyal2none

Bon5ai

sadkermit - soon to be banned for standing up to the ummm nazi.

Sloopydrew

Seiven

I knew there was a reason I liked you.

Yay on Witz.

beeporama (brian.j.parker)

v00deux

*cuts the brake lines on your car*

What? You don't have a car? Who the hell owns that car, then?

*runs*

(note to self - don't ever piss off a guy who's just been given rights to the glorious banhammer. I don't want to be the first to die!)

Anyways, congrats man.

Tyber_Zann

B33

Tri5cui7

I do miss those types of adventure games nowdays. :/

Witzbold

Can't argue with you there man. Though I don't expect to see a new Grim Fandango anytime soon. Hell, I'd be happy just to get a copy of the first one again. Lost my old one :(

Eliasoz_01

Lyedecker

Witzbold

*runs away*

lol congratz man

BigChiefSmokem

raith

SuperOmelet

Being the wise and courageour Kotakuite that you are, you feel strongth welling. In your body.

Return to starting point! Comment again!

Syril

KM91

SaintEmpire

champion of the masses! defender from Engima!

:)

*waves his wiimote*

Onizuka-GTO

L_K_M

epionx111

Jenstar

jamosthefifth

ManjiKengo reads DuneTiger reads Kotaku, seems pleased.

huginn

Penguins rock =D

Shiro_Shishi

I'm looking forward to your unique brand of Prinny justice.

DOOD!

Atomicvege

Anemone

I was *so* close, heh.

indiemike

Cykra

edb87

Cheers once again. ;D

Witzbold

@WreckTheLaw: Hey thanks a lot man. :) Looking foward to your future insight on various issues when you comment. ;D

Witzbold

Gratzy!

Pound my tom-tom

WreckTheLaw

Anemone

Ooo if you can get good speeds we all need to play some COD4 sometime! Looks like Enigma is ready to rumble also once things settle down.

Witzbold

Yes ...just not online split screen like older versions!

EnigmaNemesis

Absolutely!

I cant wait, some good stuff, wish I could play UT3 with you all, but I have the PC version.

EnigmaNemesis

Oh, and in response to your question about my connection speed re: CoD4... I should be able to get good speed overall. I've got a good cable connection, and being a few miles from MAE-East definitely helps.... once, as you mention, XBL is back up to snuff.

dv8godd

Gionell

MURDERFACE

-WPack911

WPack911

Amiash

Witzbold

;D

Btw I added you to PSN today. :) Finally got the PS3 on and gamed up Uncharted and some UTIII With Shindoki, dv8godd, and Maldron. Good times!

Though Im still getting used to UTIII today was pretty much the first time playing it online, only was in story for 5 mins last night. Gotta find the sweet spot for the mouse sensitivity still. But man its cool to play with friends / have M + K controls.

Witzbold

Anemone

Brackynews

We didn't exactly stand a chance, guy. As said, we were all just stroking our egos.

EXACTLY!

We were just having fun!

We all knew amongst ourselves that Witz was chosen before this started ... we were just having fun and making it interesting!

EnigmaNemesis

Spiderbait

It's good to be the king.

ハリセンボン

(who didnt see that coming, seriously)

EnigmaNemesis

Bring teh painz?

fecalchaos

Aflack: feels sick to his stomach

Akin

Zodduska

Atheist Jew

Spoony Bard

Amiash

icepick314

Sunjammer

I'm the penguin, he's a prinny. They're essentially walking bombs.

@Crack: Because of This:
[kotaku.com]
That's him there.

@Scazza: You're still one of the most popular Commenters on Kotaku. You're a competitor.

@dv8godd: Even though the more powerful one is supposed to go first, DeviateBold just sounds cooler.

Kirbytheslayer: In-Kirby XMB

Scuba Steve

Lyner

Crack

We've seen pictures of him wearing a prinny costume.

You know, now that I think about it, he seems to have an unhealthy obsession with cartoon penguins.

PapaBear434

Crack

y2kenjination

eleventeen

Maldron

TheCleaningGuy

Jason144

Belain

tk.

Right?

MNC

黒天使

First order of business: Ban your competitors! *snicker*

Scazza

Grats on a lengthy coronation and to all the others in it.

WasabiJoe

@Kirby: So, Witzbold and I form together like Voltron and form the ultimate Kotaku Tower defense? Witzgodd?

PS - apostrophes in names probably a bad idea... breaks your reply button.

dv8godd

no apartment is too ugly for the internet! (kinda like nobody's too ugly for radio)

frank0127

Insomnia Bob

Amiash

[i82.photobucket.com]

Kirbytheslayer: In-Kirby XMB

JohnnyLA

rochec

Hopanoe

Witzbold

ggodo

NOBODY can forget Chilly-Willy! ;D

Witzbold

The old Campion

Mongoosekun

Anyhow, this story is like an ass-kissing party!

Eliasoz_01

*wonders*

Eliasoz_01

Stormrider

kingofallcosmos

Erwin

mtvernon

Trowble (XBL/PSN)

Your first sentence does a nice job of it. :P

PapaBear434

May your reign be long, fair, and prosperous.

Trystero

superjap

Erwin

Dragonzigg

Absent Blue

Gunhaver

I've already coined "KoK Suckers."

Feel free to use it.

PapaBear434

Zak Canard

I can't believe it's actually Witz!

...Nah, I kid. I just made $300 in Vegas. Thanks, Witzy! Congrats, and good luck!

Insomnia Bob

Jest

badasscat

DrcAnjel

2NinjasTapedTogether

drinks on Witz

I'll have a scotch mate!

Doshu

DigiMish

I'm looking forward to your reign of terror, as wrath of the banhammer causes blood to run like rivers and tears to fall like rain.

All hail our prinny overlord.

Marlor

Congrats Witzbold. :D

Danj3ris

TheIrishNinja

No, I don't mean that we take down Witzbold only. He's small potatoes in my grand machinations. I mean to take down KOTAKU TOWER ITSELF. We shall dethrone Crecente and take over all that is Kotaku-land.

The People's Republic of Kotaku shall be a beacon of hope, justice, order... And maybe some video game news tossed in once in a while. Like tossing wine and grog to the serfs, it will keep the masses placated and obedient.

PapaBear434

TheIrishNinja

littletad

Seriously, man, none of us had a chance, and you had to have known it. Everyone, even the editors, expressed their admiration of you. And seeing that:

1) Enigma seems to have the stigma of Anti-Nintendo about him

2) Kirby is a minor

3) I'm one of the walking damned; the previously banned

4) TheIrishNinja is a little less than available these days

We didn't exactly stand a chance, guy. As said, we were all just stroking our egos.

PapaBear434

@Witzbold: Thanks.
I appreciate it, man. Forgetting me and all. I mean, I know Dv8 is great and everything, but still...

@PapaBear434: You say that we're going to storm Kotaku tower to take down Witz? Did you forget that, even if all the editors are gone , he's going to have DV8 there to help him?
Maybe, just maybe, the four of us could take down Witz alone, but when he's teamed up with Dv8? Inconceivable!

Kirbytheslayer: In-Kirby XMB

...or at least thats what I heard.

DaiMacculate

Witzbold

Lotharian

Witzbold!

I'm glad I voted for you (became a follower) way before the Kontest even started...you've always been one for great comments and you deserve it.

DaiMacculate

Congrats Witzbold, may the power of the Banhammer be used well in your hands...

Belias

Gantz: Your Trusted Friend in Science.

Anyways though it will be a good chance to do something useful here asides from the usual foul mouthed commenting I usually do and such.

Man though what an interesting way to start the new year.

Now I gotta clean up all of these cans of alcohol that litter my place. :x

Witzbold

man in gauze is king ramses II, actually

Oh well, once again, congrats. Again.

scotty

Gantz: Your Trusted Friend in Science.

天

Evin

Rare? Right, you were the dark horse of this contest. Right.

Your modesty is insulting, oh great and powerful KoK. :P

PapaBear434

ShaggE

See? He says "Open Door Policy."

Kirby, Enigma, IrishNinja, and myself will stroll in before he has a chance to master "Da Hamma." He won't stand a chance.

PapaBear434

Had this saved incase of the rare occasion that I won th e contest. :x

[www.youtube.com]

Witzbold

Hey everyone. Just woke up.

Thanks for all the support and praise I really appreciate it!

Ill be sure to not let down the expectations put upon me by my fellow friends, commentors and most importantly the Kotaku crew.

Hopefully there will be some sort of email addy set up also so folks can reach me incase of any issues that may arise and such. Planning to have a very open door policy and will try to answer as much as I can. Well granted an open door policy is allowed that is.

Once again thank you all for the support and Ill do my best at the new task at hand!

Witzbold

PapaBear434

one day ralph....one day...

bigman88zz

Ah, but see, the job description said to watch the "Gates" of Kotaku Tower.

I'm going over the fence. They'll never expect a thing.

PapaBear434

No, all I did was raise my head up like a demented Bop-A-Mole, ready to be smacked with the Ban-Hammer so Witzbold can wipe out any potential usurping.

That's what I'd do, anyway.

PapaBear434

I'm talking broadswords, crossbows, and battering rams. Braveheart style.

Fool! No mortal weapon can face the Banhammer! You'll doom us all!

doubtful

Congrats to us? For what? All we did was lose. I have to tell you, I found that part pretty easy.

Ah, but you didn't lose. You really won. See, you got your name up in lights all over the place, legions of adoring fans and only Witzbold has to do any work!

All the glory and none of the effort! :)

doubtful

LordChris915

Anyway yea cool thing Witzbold, although I guess it's only fair to say that all of the "contestants" would have deserved it equally.

Jandlecack

futurebiblehero

ffmusicdj

when going through a 100+ commented article i just look out for a prinny for a smart comment =p

Zaos

Don't be a bish.

Congrats Witzy!

dead_red_eyes

Take that 200/month and invest it in a real PC so you can stop complaining about not being able to play PC games.

The_Inquisitor

KaneRobot

Lstormy10

Chewbenator

To make the rest of the four of us scramble and dance for their amusement.

Seriously, that isn't obvious?

PapaBear434

syl1985

Have fun!

Kirbytheslayer: In-Kirby XMB

scotty

KidU

J-Fro

Now, for the office bet... Who does he test the banhammer on?

I have 5 on...

Soldier_CLE scratches himself, seems pleased.

Other than that he does have some good opinions.

NoBullet

Galivanting

scotty

ez054098

DCPlayaPride

yeah i know what you guys meant i was just saying if he ended up going.

Also i think you know how things work around here papa. You been here long enough to understand how kotaku works :D... nice one KoK suckers... hahaha. priceless

FP Shindokie

L_K_M

Odin

Sabre_Justice: Okay, no more long name.

Dimipapa

DarkHogosha

You are all KoK suckers.

I guess I wasn't done after all...

PapaBear434

cYcO_pLuXxEl

coasterjunkieX

therealzantos

Galivanting

あげおめよ～

The_Inquisitor

scotty

You misunderstand me. I didn't mean he would go and help out at E3. I mean he would help out and "watch the Tower" while the rest of the editors go to E3.

They go, post pictures, videos, news posts... Witz would take over some of the normal posting and such duties of the normal site operation.

But, I'm not a Kotaku insider, so I don't know how they run things.

PapaBear434

Green-clad Gamer Dude

I had to step on a lot more worthy people on my rise to 2nd* most popular commentator(why do we use commenter? Its not even a real word.) on Kotaku, just to lose. It was the hardest earned losing I've ever had to deal with.

*yeah, I passed Irish and Enigma by 1, they're tied at 117. I'm not trying to brag. I'm just celebrating my loss!

Kirbytheslayer: In-Kirby XMB

scotty

[kotaku.com]

hopelesshindu

drbrownt0wn