Damn you, Viva Pinata, damn you, I say!

monkey_87

Purple Dave

OtakuboyT

What if you are guy who owns a 360 and only plays viva pinata?

Vecha

ChuChu

They missed one - the gamer who doesn't have a console at all = cheap who goes over to his friends' house too often

Kepelus

damatman

Considering the "passionate" gamers I've observed, this means that if something goes wrong, he will become angry and violent. He will start throwing things around the room and loudly scream obscenities...

Anyway, what does my DS say about me?

I say I was drawn in by the touch-screen gimick.

...and the puppies...

so, that means all DS owners like puppies, right??

PUPPIES!

syr

another attempt to generalize gamers goes astray...

I wonder what they would consider gamers that own all three?

telamascope

theregaloinker

PROBABLY BECAUSE THEY OWN A PS3

MonsterKingRen

carrierj1

cmoody17

thaKingRocka

GuNNerShoW

The "early adopter", "loyal" and "deep pockets" is definitely true, but being "intelligent" "Sophisticated" "knows the right people" and "goes to the best restuarant" i know that is definitely not true.

Shows that not too many people know the PS3 as it stands today...

Ultrasinc

The 360 dude is outgoing, the kind of guy who'd buy you a red engagement ring for sentimental reasons.

And the Wii guy is the kind you want to take home to meet the family cause they tend to get along. It doesn't help he's such a fit guy, being into that whole aerobics and sports kick.

MelodyKitn

PS3 gamers are "trendy"
Wii gamers are poor
360 gamers are hardcore and have no friends (including fat men on couches)

esteroth12

A: Run. Run far and fast.

Johnny_Under

LOL - how much did Microsoft pay these guys to write that bit of drivel? I'm sorry, but the typical Xbox360 owner =/= studmuffin.

And the 360 also as the game that guys have the best chance of getting a girl to play along with them? Are you serious? (Does the term "casual gamer" apply to the boxen and I didn't know it?)

LovelyPeach

Robert Summa

The 'taken advantage of' part was a joke, it was a way to lead into my even more poor attempt at humour about taping two gamecubes together.

Of course they didn't take advantage of me, and no I don't have a spending problem - that part wasn't meant to be taken seriously as the tone of the post should (but failed to) suggest. :)

Sharpfish

mechanabeshin

It IS good for something!

burgerdog

ATamreSoundbite

...just nooooo.

...dime store Freud.

SuperMekman

Regardless, I'm curious what they would claim some of the older systems might lead this female who was judging her man on his systems for; like would having something like an Atari or NES lead them to claim the guy was into classic romance or something baseless like that. I still own all of my old systems (and prefer to play some of them over the new ones), and I can only imagine what kind of sick freak they would make me out to be because of it.

bbmcdougal

Atamisk726

On a side note..isn't that in itself at least a bit contradictory? o.0

Laffington

Because lord knows we fragile-minded women don't enjoy Halo 3 or Metal Gear Solid or anything!

I must be an anomaly since I both have a vagina and play my 360 far more than my Wii. Hmm.

KatieEighty

I need to crack that book again myself, I got another copy the other day, my old paperback having gone the way of being lent until it practically fell apart ;)

DaiMacculate

Zero2007

@otimus: ROFL

Zero2007

septajohn

DeciBass

Well ya know what? I've logged 100-200 hours on games too! Though...I'm not an overweight guy who has no friends either...

Hmm...I AM poor though...maybe there is some truth to this...maybe communism has some truth to it too...

JGab

So I guess they he can be replaced with she, correct? Why do they assume that it's only men playing video games, lol. I have all three consoles so what's that say about me?

egyptianruin

yashichi8bit

He

People are dumb, it makes me sad.

Hey, I just answered my own question. Awesome.

Robobenny

goddessakasha

Dark

CGArtist777

ViolenceMan

sangyon

Generico

Klogg

BigManZam

"Jill, I met this new man and he's just wonderful, but he owns an Xbox360!"
"Whew, get ready for the whips and chains Sally!"

Sauceinator

Neomatrix002

xjapanboi

ryusage

Sailorcancer

Jimbo4

Gouki4u

CyberSkull

jlhuge

phantomdata

ichiban1081

Zodiack

Rhonlore

Pilsner

What console will get me laid?

Will I have to carry the console with me to attract women? If so, do I need a Beamer too?

Mercutio

Go ahead, figure us out from our console. It works just like somebody's car choice reflects on them and indicates whether or not they'll make a perfect husband.

Sounds like Shane, Ted, and the other dudes were having a dick meeting.

Game Trailers is OFF the list. I'd expect this kind of tripe out of a clueless media type, not somebody somewhat in the industry.

crapsh00t

1. PS3 - There's a game on this console they want to play
2. 360 - There's a game on this console they want to play
3. Wii - There's a game on this console...

I think you get my point :)

sj4iy

Most non-game girls I know would see a wii as interesting, an x360 as something that every guy seems to have thees days, and a PS3 as a sign of a helpless obsessive nerd who wastes way too much money on games.

That is if they even knew the difference between the three.

brent_w

Taken advantage of you?

I had no problem with my original GBA and my still working original DS.

You, sir, are the person with excess expenditure problems.

Mact

PeterMan

MURDERFACE

Antiterra

Dissociative Identity Disorder can also be used as a synonym for multiple personalities.

Thanks for pointing out that DID isn't schizophrenia, though. It's one of my pet peeves.

doubtful

Man, this article is a life changer.

PerfectLizard

I own a PS2, PS3, Xbox 360, and a Wii.....what the hell does that mean? That I am a selfish, deep pocketed, serious gamer.....that is awesome in the sack.....and has no life?

EVP

"Solid clues"??

What if you own more than one console? Do the traits combine? I really hope no one actually reads this and takes this seriously because these are just silly stereotypes.

orangedude

Kafeen

killinggameshow

PS3: 14-years-old and spoiled.
Wii: 14-years-old and has no real friends. (Irony?)
360: 14-years-old and vulgar.

I guess in the end, it doesn't matter how you look at it, you're still dating a 14-year-old. Stop. Go request help.

user004

tetracycloide

giantmonkeydeathlord

zwilliams07

Yurishoo

noliferuin (PSN+XBL)

PS3: This guy can never afford to go out to dinner with you or pay for a movie but mysteriously has enough money for the PS3 and every game out for it. He probably asked you for a ride to the mall to buy it because he didn't know how to manage carrying it back on his bike.
And he is super excited about the next FF.

Wii: He bought it as an excuse to invite girls over to play in what he thinks is a cunning plan.

XBOX 360: He is an ADD, twitchy consoletard.

lilithfey

Stream_Of_Consciousness

And they said that gaming had no skills that translated to the real world.

Elderwulf

ion1626

"If you own all 3, does that mean your schizophrenic?"

No, multiple personality disorders are not classified under schizophrenia. They are classified under "multiple personality disorder," obviously enough.

WhoreofSpamylon

Hot stuff when you apply that feminine gender to these results.

I'll be in my bunk.

h_jeremiah

captronj

But then, 7 roses? Cheapskate.
Tsk.

Antiterra

Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of silly persons!

klickdude20

Yeah, because he's bored with Wii Sports and already traded in Twilight Princess, and the "serious" gamers beat him to getting Super Mario Galaxy.

unangbangkay

I'd never date a girl who owned a PS3.

GoMancs

I know, I know, I need to proofread before I post. Truth be told, misspelling words really pisses me off. And the funny thing is, I'm reading Fear and Loating in Las Vegas right now -- You think I would get mescaline right.

Strangelove

Wait, I thought there were child labor laws?
At least he got the spending part right...

Troubadour

XB360 : You have an opinion on everything and dont mind telling total strangers.

Wii : you like being alone, until its time for a bright colorful party.

un.Lucky

@Strangelove: I don't know why exactly, but I needed to tell you that its spelled Mescaline. Also, giving that drug to a retarded person...well thats one fucked up mental image ;)

DaiMacculate

Or does it say he's someone who's trapped in the past and is only looking for fun with you and two of your closest friends?

n00nen0se

That I should still be a virgin.

StartingAces

lionkitten

Pumpernickel

Wii owner - You're a likely soccer mom or grandma who enjoys flailing your limbs around like a retard on mescalin.

PS3 owner - You're broke, but that doesn't matter because there's no good games to buy anyways. But at least the PS network is free.

360 owner - The capillaries in your right eye burst, an eerie parallel to the red ring of death that showed up the day before Halo was released. That unlocked an achievement.

Strangelove

@MACT > I actually have 4 GBA's as well (Not 2, mistyped) but, and it's an important 'but', I should have said they are combined between myself and my fiancee.

Basically we both bought a GBA (blue and pink way back) then we both bought GPA SP's, then we both bought DS PHATS, and of course, you've guessed it, we both bought DS LITES. Now when I say 'I own them' it's because I paid for them and they are all in my house. :)

I just realised how Nintendo have really taken advantage of me, that's why I didn't buy a Wii, no more cash to nintendo this decade!

Anyway, I just need another gamecube and some duct tape to go with the one I already have and i'm sorted! ;)

Sharpfish

Interstella5555

rebobo

noliferuin (PSN+XBL)

Aith

Girls, if your guy owns a gaming console, something is wrong with him!

PS3 - Your guy is going to use you while he can, but will drop you for your sexiest girlfriend the first chance he gets!

Wii - Your guy is going to expect you to put your hands on his "magic wand" on the first date!

360 - Your guy is an obsessive stalker with an unhealthy urge to spend sleepless nights playing online games with young boys!

DZeroStar

The Wii owner will charm you like no other. Although a bit old fashioned and not the best-looking of the bunch you'll like that he's neat and doesn't have any rough edges. He'll be simple and like the price of the Wii, he'll never ask for too much. You'll find that with him you'll experience the world anew. Your ways of doing activities and tasks will become obsolete after following his hands-on approach. In bed you won't find much new, but you will praise his new twists on old favorites. The questionable part about the Wii owner will be his support for you. Like nintendo's lack of support for third parties, all he'll care about is what's inside his circle of influence, so you may find yourself alone if you follow your own ambitious goals.

Finally there's the Xbox 360 owner. You've surely known him the longest, and although really questioned his integrity at the start, you now see that's he built himself quite a career and social circle. This allows him to be both serious and fun, a real mix of character. You'll love how easy it so to interact with him, and how everything seems to click together. After jumping in, you'll also find that he's quite capable and didn't play all of his cards out on the table at the start. He is not perfect though, he can get quite loud when he's into something too much. He is sort of fragile, you will have to hold him back sometimes and also try home remedies to cure his illnesses that don't really work. In bed you'll find a very engaging experience with a lot of communication. Since he's quite mature and experienced you'll find yourself doing things you didn't think of before, and feel really connected, so much in fact you'll think that sometimes the two of you are working together for one goal. He'll be a dependable guy and suit you very well, just make sure he doesn't catch too many fevers.

Xirj

But the wii..I think it says cheap bastard who can't afford a real game, and childish.

nxp3

bigsamboni

Rohsiph

GamerBunny

strictlybogart

PeteVu

xbulletholes

vuhal

doubtful

Soldrak

So ignoring a girl to play halo 3 will get me laid?

electricpickle

NunianVonFuch

oogs

PS3: Delayed Gratification.
X360: CBT.
Wii: Masturbation.
PSP: Hookers, but doesn't have sex with them.
DS: Cyber-sex.
PC: Genital worship. (his genitals)

etho

Oh, how the 'experts' know nothing at all.

QuietAmbition

You don't own a PS3? Then you're a nobody. You're never going to get laid, not even by your wife/girlfriend. You don't go to clubs so you're not cool. If you do you have to wait in line for hours on end to get in with the regular jack-offs.

Nah, I'm just kidding. Or am I? I don't own a PS3 either. Just a 360,Wii,DSlite, and a hacked PSP (which I don't play).

savagesaladin

David Sikes

Samos42

Okay. I get the rest...

Assuming the GBAs are two different models, it still doesn't make sense that you own four DSs.

Mact

A girl? No no, you must be mistaken, maybe what you saw was a DS. A girl with those consoles... those are myths...

MelodyKitn

Wow, who would've thought?

These are so obvious lol

SpikyBry

otimus

A. (insert psycho babel here, preferable referring to owners chances with women)

fett388

wii, 360 and ps3:

A. More money than sense with far too much time on your hands

B. A thief and/or a liar

------

Yes this is just jokes, take them, they're free.

I own a fast PC, 360, 4 DS(s!), 2 GBAs, A gamecube and in the past a PS1, Snes, Amiga, Spectrum, Atari VCS2600.. so yes i'm just as guilty of being obsessed and spending too much on videogames. :)

Sharpfish

huginn

Erm...

"# Ed Magnin, chairman, Game & Simulation Programming, DeVry University's Dallas Metro campus
# Ted Owen, CEO, GGL, an online gaming network in Santa Monica, CA
# Shane Satterfield, editor-in-chief, Santa Monica-based GameTrailers.com, an online gaming site "

Mact

Maybe the 3 systems cancel each other out: I'm neither fun, nor sophisticated, nor intelligent, nor passionate, nor smart, nor visceral, nor...
'kay, if anybody asks, I'll be in the bathroom slitting my wrists.

@LiK_SHoT: This is Kotaku, you can write "fuck", no need to circumvent the nonexistent filter. ;)

Antiterra

Why did you buy a Wii if you were going to be so uninformed?

Because, if you insist that there are still no games worth playing, you're an idiot.

Mact

@Throtex: ROFL, Dude, you win.

nickaix

B1ooDshOt

inflicted

Soldrak

OtherAdam

[youtube.com]

Mact

Soldrak

Except these: ;)

Wii Owner:

A. Casual 40something who though they could get fit, wii now sits in closet next to excercise bike gathering dust.

B. former hardcore gamer/nintendo fan and appreciator of gameplay over graphics, also rates Nintendo as maker of some of the best first party games (rightly so) but has found not a lot to do on the WII to satisfy their advanced tastes... sits in cupboard next to SNES gathering dust.

Xbox 360 Owner (me)

A. Wise and thoughtful hardcore gamer who ranks the importance of SOFTWARE over hardware and hype. Can be found playing many, many amazing games that perform better than anything this side of a top spec PC. Makes sound judgements rather than following trends or fashion sheep

B. Ill tempered, ranting manic who is sick to the back teeth of seeing 3 flashing red lights, yet is still compelled to return it to MS for the 10th time just so they can play through Gears of war again (for the 10th time). Dead Rising makes it all worthwhile to them as they are discerning gamers who just got unlucky with a poorly designed cooling solution.

PS3 Owner:

A. Likes to jump the gun before having hard evidence that their purchase is wortwhile, puts far too much faith in large companies to actually deliver on their promises even though they've consistently lied for the last 8 years. Really enjoys uploading their FOLDING@HOME Work Units to see if they can better their PS3 owning friends (who are few and far between). Can often be found carrying a microfibre cloth ready to wipe any spec of dust or fingerprint that easily shows up on the 'poser' gloss black casing.

B. A bit dim.

-------------

Just a bit of fun so try not to flame, this topic was open to it though. :)

Sharpfish

Anemone

NunianVonFuch

soonerjudd

Actual games though, that's a better way of judging.

Or hell, maybe getting to know the person. Just a thought.

Espiox

Idiots.

They may be 'expert' psychologists, but experts in gaming knowledge, they are not.

Especially: "He is sophisticated, intelligent, enjoys competition and is willing to wait for a good thing."

The PS3 is competition? Since when? Sophisticated? Well, that's true. It's sophisticated in a "I work better for research than games" sort of way.

Again:"They may be living out an active and social life through games, because they are a bit on the shy side."

I don't know a single 360 gamer to whom this would apply.

Mact

Hurricanespence

LordDartan

LiK_SHoT

BAshcraf said it all, really, my mind is blown.

Shiryu

Shijirou

Pandab

WhyDoiGame

Latonone

Jomi294

THEN: I'm smart enough to have found a way to game and not scare my date away and am definitely up for some co-operative bedroom passion.

ERGO: Congratulations ladies, energetic violent sex games are on the cards! Wii60 FTW!

NunianVonFuch

So guys, do you care about what console your female date might own? Does it determine personality? Does it just not matter (as I think the case should be) since she just plays video games in general?

Anyway, these descriptions are retarded. My boyfriend has all three and none of those sound like him.

Jesminya

gaiking

kayoko

Kymri

Nawara_Ven

HeartMonster

天

Throtex

Garcia

unwesen

SackOfPotatoes

(had to do it)

mdgalaxy

susurrate

geekgrrl

Kilgard

A: Don't date them.

Cappy

y2julio

Seiven

Alright so here is me.

I bought an Xbox360 on launch day because I loved everything about the original plus it had some excellent features. Im also a hardcore gamer and MS's console seems to better suit my tastes.

I bought a Wii on launch because I fell victim to hype. Right up to the day of release I was a skeptic. The day after release I thought Wii Sports was interesting and Zelda was...Zelda. A few weeks later I didnt touch my Wii again for a very long time and like all Wii's it was sad. I got Metroid and beat that but aside from that I havent touched it again since and wont for quite a while because I just traded it for a PS3.

I bought a PS3 friday with help from a Wii trade in because I wanted Backwards Compatibility and its being removed. I also wanted a Blu-Ray player to complement my 360's hd-dvd addon. There arent any games I like on the system enough to warrant my purchase and it takes hours to download demos which makes my gamer heart sad and heavy. If they hadnt removed B/C i wouldnt have bought a PS3 so soon.

Soon enough I will have another Wii. I will probably wait till the next big conference so I can see if they are going to release an updated Wii that does 720p because Wii looks terrible on my 1080p native TV.

parad0x360

psychologist - stay the hell away
some dude affiliated with DeVry - stay the hell away
CEO - stay the hell away
some guy who thinks he knows something about video games - stay the hell away

Throtex

fuzzbuzz

Detha

I hope they do a "internet gamer version" of this in the future. If you visit IGN, Gamespot, 1UP, Kotaku, if you post on GAF, if you read Penny-Arcade, etc!

Alalu