From Software has a knack for creating some super weird boss names.

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I tend to completely ignore those names and just make up my own.

You sort of have to, especially when talking about the game in person. Let’s face facts: Chaos Witch Quelaag or Booby Spider? Which makes more sense.

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Here are some of the names I use when talking about Souls/Bloodborne games…


Old Name: Capra Demon
My Name: Big Demon Bawbag

By the time I stumbled across the Capra Demon, I was already used to dying in Dark Souls.

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But this guy just took shit to a whole new level. I was underlevelled, just getting smashed in one hit. Utterly brutal.

Which is why I referred to him as “that big demon bawbag”.

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For the unitiated, I am Scottish. The word ‘bawbag’ means many things. It’s an insult that is sometimes used as a term of endearment. It is, literally, a synonym for ‘scrotum’. It is your nutsack. In Scottish slang ‘baw’ means ball.

Bawbag = Ballbag.

Hence Big Demon Bawbag. He’s a bawbag. Simple.


Old Name: Chaos Witch Quelaag
My Names: Booby Spider

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I mean honestly, I’m still not sure how to pronounce Quelaag.

I got stuck pretty hardcore on the Chaos Witch Quelaag, to the point where I actually gave up on the game for a couple of months. When people asked me how far I got, I’d always just say “yeah that big booby spider kept kicking my arse”.

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Thankfully I got back on the horse and beat that Booby Spider real good.


Old Name: The Smelter Demon
My Names: Big Burny Man

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Dark Souls 2 had a lot of forgettable boss fights. The Smelter Demon was not one of them.

His name, however, is pretty forgettable so I just called him the Big Burny Man. He’s on fire. He’s burny.


Old Name: The Rotten
My Names: The Big Stinky Guy Made Up Of Dead Guys

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This isn’t the catchiest name I’ve ever come up with, but I guarantee I used this in conversation. My brother and I have spent a whole lot of time discussing Dark Souls bosses.

“Have you beat the big stinky guy made up of dead guys?” That’s a sentence I’ve actually uttered in real life.


Old Name: Blood Starved Beast
My Names: Big Smelly Dog

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He looks like a dog. He poisons you and messes you up. He looks smelly. He just does.


Old Name: Father Gascoigne
My Names: Paul Gascoigne

Father Gascoigne. Bloodborne boss.

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Paul Gascoigne. Troubled English soccer superstar from the 90s. Glasgow Rangers legend. I grew up as a Rangers fan in Scotland. When you say the word Gascoigne you’re talking about Paul ‘Gazza’ Gascoigne. That lovable crown prince; that chubby booze guzzling genius.

Gascoigne is in a bad place now. That makes me sad.


Old Name: Vicar Amelia
My Names: Really Noisy Dog

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Vicar Amelia is one of my favourite boss battles ever. Mainly because she howls like a goddamn banshee.

She really is a noisy dog.


Old Name: Curse-Rotted Greatwood
My Names: Big Tree Fucker

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“Hey man, how far are you?”

“Yeah I’m still stuck at that big tree fucker.”


Old Name: High Lord Wolnir
My Names: Scary Skull Bangle Guy

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I think by this point you’re getting a sense for just how bad an imagination I have. He’s a big skull, he wears bangles. These are High Lord Wolnir’s defining attributes


Old Name: Pontiff Sulyvahn
My Names: Light Sabre Dude

Real talk: this boss fight is so incredible. The setting, the way he slowly walks towards you and basically unsheathes what are basically lightsabres.

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He is light sabre dude. We all know it.


Old Name: Ceaseless Discharge
My Names: Ceaseless Discharge

Nailed it.


This post originally appeared on Kotaku Australia, where Mark Serrels is the Editor. You can follow him on Twitter if you’re into that sort of thing.