French kissing is great as long as you don’t think about it too much. Because the worst euphemism about first base is totally true: you’re swapping spit with another human being. Smooth Operator puts that gross reality all up in your face.

Out this week on iOS from Beardo Games, Smooth Operator is a game that hooks players up with dates where smooching is guaranteed. The kissing plays out in graphic detail, complete with translucent slivers of moisture running up and down the tongues of the characters on their way to gettin’ it on.

Built for two people swiping on the same iPad, Smooth Operator tasks a player on either side of the screen to follow the movement prompts to get taste buds tangling. I brought the game to lunch yesterday and played with a friend. He doesn’t play a lot of video games and couldn’t quite get the hang of what he was supposed to do. He was also grossed the hell out. But I was desperate to see the super-moves that come as rewards for extra-sympatico high scores. So I played with myself. With both hands. In the game.

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You’ll see the playthrough of my left and right hands making out with each other in the videos above. And those super-moves? Here’s what one looks like:

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Happy Valentine’s Day!


Contact the author at evan@kotaku.com.