I don't care if he does endorse Kotaku's weekly round-up of the gaming apps we played and reviewed, there is absolutely no reason for Commander Shepard to show up in the mosaic image.

No, it doesn't that he had his own mobile game a few years back. That wasn't even him, it was a rogue Cerberus agent, hell-bent on doing the opposite of whatever normal Cerberus agents are supposed to do, and it had nothing at all in common with the colorful platforming antics of Mr. Crab.

Besides, my Shepard was female. She did not play golf. She did not try to escape alien sushi chefs. She never sat on the beach flicking bottle caps at ice cubes and she most certainly never served as part of an animated squad of British investigators.

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She may have been a lumberjack. There were all of those running through the woods dreams.

Damn Mass Effect Week, making the main character feel all entitled and shit. He probably doesn't even care about...

What We Played This Week

Runaway Snack - iOS - $.99

This physics-based puzzle game wants to be Cut the Rope so badly you can taste the candy. Still, its pursuit of emulation isn't without originality and entertainment.

Golfstar - iOS - Free

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A free golf game from Com2US, and it's not too shabby. I often forget how much I love video game golf until a title like this comes along.

LumberJacked - iOS - $.99

This pixel platformer perfectly captures the age-old struggle between woodsmen and beavers. Would rock with a game pad, but we can't all be game pads.

Mr. Crab - iOS - $.99

I did not expect to enjoy this circular platformer as much as I do. Worth it for the clicky crab scuttle sounds alone.

Bottle Cap Blitz - iOS - $.99

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I have absolutely no idea why I bought this, but it's fun, in a simple, stupid sort of way. Flick bottle caps at ice cubes to shatter them, because that's how ice cubes work.

Blue Toad Murder Files: A Touch of Mystery - iOS - $2.99

I really need to play more of the games in this series. Charming mystery adventure with challenging puzzles and cartoon-quality graphics. Collect the whole set.

App Reviews for the Week of April 8-12, 2013

I Was Done With Three-Star Puzzle Platformers. Then Disney Gave Me Mittens.

Thanks to the low price of mobile games, I regularly download new titles without seeing as much as a single screenshot. Many of those sight-unseen games follow the Angry Birds scoring formula — smash, achieve or collect the things you need on each level, earn three stars, gems, flowers, whatever. Read…

It's Almost a Pity This Unique and Colorful Puzzle Game Is Free

I've always been a big fan of the color samples in the house paint section of Home Depot. Those unassuming sheets of paper, festooned with color gradients, introduced me to a world that was more than simple black and white — a world with 50 shades of grey, several dozen oranges and more green than anyone could possibly ever need. They also prepared me for Blendoku. Read…

I Came Precariously Close to Hating This Magnificent Mobile Adventure

With a slew of positive iTunes reviews and a couple of pre-release awards under its belt, I was expecting Frogmind's Badland to be a transcendent mobile gaming experience. I was greatly disappointed, at least for the first 20 minutes. Read…

Dungeon Hunter 4 Takes In-App Purchases to a Diabolical New Low

In the latest installment of Gameloft's Dungeon Hunter series ofDiablo clones, the most effective means of healing your character mid-battle is paying for it. Screw that. Read…

Standing In The Rain In A Trench Coat From The Future

Unrelenting rain drums on the tin roof of the shelter. I huddle from the chill in my standard-issue trench coat, bathed in the cool glow of the data terminal. This is how every adventure game should begin.Read…