I just want to listen to some music and look at dogs, but no — here's Eminem droning on and on about shitting on his microphone and making stupid G-Unit puns.

Oh wait, I guess this is supposed to be a video for Eminem's "Survival", the song that debuted in part during a Call of Duty: Ghosts trailer earlier this year. Glad Activision decided not to go with the microphone pooping bit. It wouldn't have been a very good fit, thematically. Well, as far as we know now. The game's not out yet.

"Gun it like G-Unit without the hypen." It's actually a little clever. I just prefer Mr. Mathers' earlier work, back when we could believe his anger was real-ish, because we were all younger and a little more stupid.

Then again, what do I know? Maybe it's incredibly hard to get a whole bunch of money for associating your horrible song to one of the year's biggest game releases, instead of that sweet Hot Pockets ad you had your eye on. Maybe it's so difficult that one can't help but void their bowels on an expensive piece of audio recording equipment. Maybe he was just marking his territory so the dog wouldn't get uppity. Now I feel like a jerk.

Sorry, Eminem. Hope my callous comments don't make you pee on stuff.