Shooting squirrels, blowing stuff up, and trying not to eat raccoon droppings — it's funny how much real life can be like a video game, ain't it?

I have not seen a single episode of the hit reality show Duck Dynasty. All I know is the mobile game tie-in isn't all that bad, and the longer my beard grows the friendlier people in Walmart get. If we did not have Wikipedia, I would assume they were a family that survives solely on selling their likeness for cheap crap in the hunting section at the back of the store.

But we do have Wikipedia, so I now know the fourth season premiere was the most-watched nonfiction telecast in cable history. Still not watching. Don't want someone else taking credit for my beard.

Anyway, the game. It's WarioWare-style mini-games with a leveling system tacked on, allowing players to customize their increasingly redneckified avatar. Marvel as I transform from Sean Hannity to Sean Hannity on the weekend.

There's A Duck Dynasty Mobile Game. It's Redneck WarioWare.

Duck Dynasty: Battle of the Beards is now available on iPhone and iPod Touch for $.99 and iPad for $1.99. Rednecks do not understand the concept of universal apps, I guess.