Kotaku: zero punctuation

inFamous Defeats Prototype in Cross-Dressing Playoff

Owen Good — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 17:00:00 MDT

In a recent Zero Punctuation review, Yahtzee couldn't declare which blockbuster game "about super-powered assholes" was better, but would give the honor to the studio that best drew the rival game's protagonist in drag.

Astoundingly and to their everlasting credit, both Radical and Sucker Punch participated. First up, Radical sent in two submissions, but that monstrosity takes the cake - Cole McGrath with Vegas showgirl peacock tail, a Marilyn Monroe birthmark and ... oh God are his pubes showing? NEXT.

Here's your winner: Alex Mercer, who shapeshifted up some heaving bosoms thanks to Sucker Punch, in a tableau that "could be the cover of a romance novel." Per Yahtzee's award citation:

It's a close call, but I'm going to declare Sucker Punch the winner by one lovingly-rendered pair of breasts. Also their unicorn is a much prouder, mightier steed, and Alex's expression is delightfully coquettish. Therefore InFamous must be the better game. Buy InFamous. Prototype's still good, though. Buy it as well.

Yahtzee's Prototype vs. Infamous Challenge [The Escapist via Joystiq]

Yahtzee Damages Games, With Friends, In Front of a Camera

Brian Crecente — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 15:40:00 MST

I have been an on-again and off-again fan of Yahtzee's cutting comedic game reviews since they first hit scene.

It's clear that he's got the timing and the comedy chops to make things work, but Zero Punctuation hasn't been a must watch for me now for months.

So I was happy to see that he's exploring new avenues for his take on video games. The latest avenue comes in the form of a television show on games and includes two new faces, Yug and Matt. Both of them, it seems, delightfully Australian.

I love the concept: Live Action Yahtzee, but this initial go seems to struggle a bit. Still, there are some genuinely funny moments and the intro is just astounding.

The show is currently looking for ad money or some network support to swoop in and gobble them up. I'd just say keep at it and hone those rough spots. Too bad the economy is in such a hole right now.

Game Damage

Zero Punctuation Reviews E3 '08's Trailers

Michael McWhertor — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 19:00:42 MDT

When Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw isn't reviewing video games like Age of Conan or Alone in the Dark, he's meeting his contractual obligations with The Escapist, weighing in on things like trailers shown at E3. In four minutes and forty seconds, Yahtzee picks apart non-playable previews for games like Prince of Persia, Final Fantasy XIII, Resident Evil 5 and Fallout 3 with sexy results. Actually, that should've been hilarious results. We were still thinking about the pus covered roulette wheel and anal shielding imagery from this episode. Two of our choicest fetishes!

Zero Punctuation: The E3 Trailer Park [The Escapist]

Zero Punctuation Takes On Age Of Conan Naked

Mike Fahey — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 12:00:00 MDT

While Yahtzee isn't that big a fan of the Ememorpagah (MMORPG) genre, he decided to suck up his general distaste and plunge into the world of Funcom's Age of Conan anyway, a fact I am sure has nothing to do with the fact that The Escapist currently looks as if it were being forced out of one of the game's distended orifices. These sorts of coincidences always happen with website advertising, such as the other week when my Coors Lite review went up. Awkward!

Yahtzee plays through the first 30 or so levels of the game as a naked Stygian woman, and if that doesn't give you the complete Age of Conan experience, I don't know what will.

Zero Punctuation [The Escapist]

Zero Punctuation On Edward Carnby And Not Being Alone In The Dark

Luke Plunkett — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 06:20:00 MDT

Yes, it's from last week, but we were busy, so didn't get around to it. So enjoy it now, like cold, leftover pizza for breakfast. You know the drill: Yahtzee plays Alone in the Dark, Yahtzee plays the critic while making the game's faults seem far funnier than they actually are. And a lot funnier than the new intro/outro music, which seems specifically engineered to be as unsuitable as humanly possible.

[The Escapist]

Zero Punctuation on Lego Indy, With Bonus!

Mike Fahey — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 14:20:00 MDT

Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, it's pretty fun, try it out. This pretty much sums up Yahtzee's latest Zero Punctuation, in which he takes on Lego Indiana Jones, a game far too cute and nostalgia-packed to really trash. Don't let the quick summary keep you from watching, however, as not only are there some truly laugh-out-loud moments in the main review, the bonus review afterwards is just dead on.

How do you guys like the new music? ZP was getting a bit too big to continue using commercial music without drawing attention, so now it opens and closes with generic heavy metal. Call it his Guilty Gear period.

Zero Punctuation: LEGO Indy [The Escapist]

Zero Punctuation Takes On Ctrl+Alt+Del

Mike Fahey — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 16:00:00 MDT

Either there were no games worth Yahtzee reviewing this week, or recent developments in the gaming webcomic Ctrl+Alt+Del have frustrated him as much as they've frustrated me and he decided he needed to vent. Yahtzee hides behind the view of making fun of all webcomics in a generic fashion until he gets to the bit about a whacky webcomic shifting gears to do a story on the female character having a miscarriage. This is exactly what happened in Tim Buckley's Ctrl+Alt+Del, a comic I've long been a fan of but can suddenly not stomach.

While the hardcore fans have been defending him and calling him brave and such, the more...I suppose softcore fans like myself have just stared at the comics wondering why the hell he would do such a thing. Very special episodes were great for TV sitcoms in the 80's, but suddenly tossing a dead baby into your whacky webcomic just isn't quite the same.

Zero Punctuation [The Escapist]

Zero Punctuation Wades Through MGS4

Mike Fahey — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 10:40:00 MDT

In this week's Zero Punctuation, Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw takes on the PlayStation 3's great white-haired hope, Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, and as I expected he pokes at all of the usual failings people tend to find with the series. Too many cutscenes, confusing plot twists, redundant dialogue, etc. To a point I have to agree with him. I played through the game myself this past weekend, and I have to say that had they not included the nifty camera swapping mechanic during mission briefings I would have fallen asleep at several points throughout the game. I did, however, find myself crying like a baby several times during the experience, though that could be attributed to the fact that I can be an oversensitive little bitch at times.

Zero Punctuation The Escapist]

Zero Punctuation Does Not Enjoy Haze, Either

Luke Plunkett — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 03:00:00 MDT

Why didn't you enjoy Haze? If you've actually played it, and aren't just accepting that the game's a load of crap because the internet told you so, feel free to watch this week's episode of Zero Punctuation and choose from one of dozens of reasons Yahtzee catalogues to agree with. Oh, and if you're wondering why the video progress bar is only 2/3 of the way through when ZP finishes, don't. Just...press stop right away.

Zero Punctuation: Haze [The Escapist]

Zero Punctuation On Oblivion

Mike Fahey — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 17:20:00 MDT

Leave it to Yahtzee to make me feel bad about a game I spent over sixty hours exploring. I could have sworn I had thoroughly enjoyed myself back then, but now I'm not so sure. I suppose this is the double-edged sword of reviewing older titles. The week before last's Painkiller review made me dig out my copy of that game, and now he has me pondering burying Oblivion.

Of course no one has that much power, and I never did complete that last Shivering Isles godhood quest...

Zero Punctuation [The Escapist]

Zero Punctuation Takes On The World Ends With You

Brian Ashcraft — Wed, 28 May 2008 22:00:00 MDT

Sorry for the hold-up! Here's this week's Zero Punctuation, which is taking on Square Enix's DS title The World Ends With You. Totally agree about using the dual screens during the combat. Totally.

The World Ends With You [The Escapist]

How Painkiller Should Have Been Advertised

Mike Fahey — Fri, 23 May 2008 10:30:00 MDT

Seemingly moments after The Escapist released this week's Zero Punctuation video featuring 2004's horror FPS Painkiller, Steam's home page got an updated advertisement for the Gold Edition of the game, utilizing Yahtzee's astute insight into the biggest selling point of the title.

If they had originally marketed the game in a plain red box with the line "Includes guns that shoot shurikens and lightning" in big gold letters, Painkiller would have become the bestselling first-person shooter of all time.

Steam Home Page [Valve - Thanks Mascott!]

Zero Punctuation Overdoses On Painkiller

Mike Fahey — Thu, 22 May 2008 09:20:00 MDT

According to Yahtzee we are just now slipping into the Summer gaming drought, so rather than struggle to find a more recent game to review he's gone and dug out 2004's Painkiller, one of the best FPS games ever for folks that just want to kill some monsters. As Yahtzee points out, Painkiller not only lets you kill tons of bad guys, it also lets you do it in some very creative ways.

I'd actually like to see him review more old games. By the time he gets to the newer titles I've already paid, played, and weighed them. The retrospectives have nostalgia on their side, reminding me of a time when I didn't feel I absolutely had to play everything that came out.

Zero Punctuation [The Escapist]

Zero Punctuation On Grand Theft Auto IV

Mike Fahey — Wed, 14 May 2008 11:20:00 MDT

Well that was relatively fast, now wasn't it? Yahtzee seems to have jumped on Grand Theft Auto IV just as quickly as the rest of the world,and for the most part he loves it, going as far as to inform us that he plans on playing it some more after the review is finished, which, as he says, is fucking unprecedented. He also seems to share my penchant for turning the cars in happy little circles whenever the handbrake is evoked, which eventually saw me resorting to the time-honored bouncing off of things method of turning the car. I am beginning to find I enjoy Yahtzee's reviews more the more I enjoy the game he is reviewing, whether he is positive or negative. Having said that, one of the best so far.

Zero Punctuation [The Escapist]

Zero Punctuation Takes On You

Mike Fahey — Wed, 07 May 2008 19:00:00 MDT

Apparently Yahtzee's review of Super Smash Bros. Brawl received so much negative response that he decided to dedicate this week's Zero Punctuation to you, his viewing public. More specifically, the members of his viewing public that saw fit to bombard him with letters about how wrong he was about his review. This sort of thing always amuses the hell out of me as you cannot tell someone that their opinion is wrong. You can try to change their opinion, but an opinion cannot technically be incorrect. You can disagree til the cows come home, but then why the hell are you living with cows? Exactly. I especially like the letter that asks how he can call them game reviews without a numerical score. How indeed.

Zero Punctuation: Chains of Olympus

Brian Crecente — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 13:00:00 MDT

What starts out as a pretty slow, actually not so funny take on God of War Chains of Olympus, turns to typical gold after Yahtzee seems to find his stride and knocks it out of the park again and again... as usual.

The Escapist

Zero Punctuation Beats On Smash Bros. Brawl

Mike Fahey — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 12:00:00 MDT

This week sees Yahtzee take on a subject that has been plaguing him for weeks, his fans. Specifically his fans who have been angrily demanding a Super Smash Bros. Brawl review since time began. Well here it is folks, and he isn't exactly pleased with the way things turned out, though a great deal of the negativitiy seems to stem from where he decided to review it rather than the game itself. A fine job, with special thanks to GAMETRADERS ROBINA, but still only the second best video review of SSBB on the internets.

Zero Punctuation Reviews Condemned 2 (And Indigo Prophecy)

Mark Wilson — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 13:30:00 MDT

This week, Yahtzee officially reviews Condemned 2. And that's great. But then, in the heat of passion, he breaks into a mini-review of Indigo Prophecy. Plus, if you really think about it, there's actually a good amount of rhetoric on the original Condemned, too. So you are actually getting like 2 to 2 1/2 Zero Punctuations this week. And it's all coming at you for a low, low price of just $100 an episode. Oh, didn't you know? Then you're fucked, man. But at least you get some steak knives (for only $8.95 S/H).

Zero Punctuation: Condemned 2: Bloodshot [The Escpaist]

Zero Punctuation Relishes No More Heroes

Mark Wilson — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 12:40:00 MDT

While Yahtzee was a little bit late to squeeze into our No More Heroes Frankenreview, he still offers a pretty enjoyable review of the game, likening the experience to, among countless other colorful, non sequitur metaphors, Branston Pickle. Having never consumed Branston Pickle, I can only assume that this review is absolutely, utterly false in its conclusion. And as I don't plan on visiting Branston's home in England any time in the near future to try it (or even going to the shelf in any large chain store to buy it), I should live a life of blissful ignorance for some time.

Zero Punctuation: No More Heroes [The Escapist]

Zero Punctuation On Army Of Two

Mike Fahey — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 13:20:00 MDT

While I had previously thought that Yahtzee might be slowly losing his touch, this week's Zero Punctuation on Army of Two actually made me laugh out loud in several spaces, though that could be whatever illness is currently ravaging my body (I suspect scurvy). It actually plays out a lot like Crecente's review of the game, with the exception that Crecente loved the weapons customization, which in Yahtzee's eyes makes him a...you know, I'm pretty sure completing that sentence isn't conducive to being employed, so I shall just leave it at that.

Zero Punctuation on Army of Two [the escapist]