It would appear that Konami's curious decision making hasn't stopped, as the company confirmed to MTV today that it would not be shipping its own guitar controller with the game. You'll have to use someone else's.

Konami reps told MTV that "At this time, Konami will only be releasing ‘Rock Revolution’ with a drum peripheral." It says it has no plans for a guitar controller of its own, that Rock Band and Guitar Hero controllers — first and third party, we'll assume — will be supported.

I guess that's why Konami was pushing for music controller cross-compatibility earlier this year... but it might not help the company's case for filing suit against Harmonix over patent violations. Konami's cool with using Harmonix's controllers for Rock Revolution, but not Guitar Hero and Rock Band?

MTV did confirm that the Rock Revolution drum set will be compatible with its competitors, despite the mismatched pad numbers on both Rock Band and Guitar Hero: World Tour.

Konami Not Making Guitar For ‘Rock Revolution’ [MTV Multiplayer]

To answer your question, Adam, we have absolutely no idea WTF this is all about. Theories are certainly welcome.

Hygienic Panty for Female Dogs [DealExtreme, thanks adamcole!]

Celebrate National Video Games Day by playing video games. If you are off from school (or if you are a big kid off from work), make this a marathon day for video games. Better still, invite a few friends and hold a competition. Just make certain that you have enough controllers.

National Video Games Day [Holiday Insights - Thanks Fred]

Anyway, apparently someone thought it was a good idea to make Elf Bowling into a movie. Then they convinced a couple other people this was also a good idea. Surely dozens, if not hundreds, of people with varying opinions on the idea were sent to work on it, resulting in the direct to video release Elf Bowling the Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike. It's coming to DVD this October. I predict it will perform far better than DOA: Dead or Alive.

Thanks for the tip, Matt!Michael McWhertor

The contest runs until April 2, with winners announced on April 25. Further details on the sweepstakes are at the official site, but the full pimped out accessories listing is right after the jump. Michael McWhertor

Pimped Out John Sweepstakes

THINK YOU DESERVE A BETTER BATHROOM THRONE? ROTO-ROOTER IS GIVING AWAY ONE-OF-A-KIND "PIMPED OUT JOHN"

No. 1 Plumbing and Drain-Cleaning Service Provider Creates Ultimate Toilet, Complete with flat-screen TV, DVD Player, Laptop, Refrigerator, Xbox 360, iPod

(Cincinnati, Ohio — January 27, Thomas Crapper Day, 2007) — The average person spends 11,862 hours in the bathroom — which equals one year, four months and five days — in a lifetime. It's amazing the crapper, or as some say, "the toilet," has evolved so little since the Romans invented the latrine in 2500 B.C., with the most significant advance happening when Albert Giblin, an employee of Thomas Crapper, perfected an effective flush toilet in 1898. The days of emperors and queens have ended, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve your very own bathroom throne.

After all, what is a toilet? A private seat of power, a place to escape and experience a few stolen moments of pure solitude. It should be the most wonderful location in your home, but unfortunately, most toilets are bland and boring.

Fear not, boring toilet victims! Thanks to Roto-Rooter , the ultimate toilet now exists. They've developed a customized, one-of-a-kind throne; a truly "Pimped out John," designed to fulfill all of your wildest bathroom dreams. But, you won't find it in stores. Only one lucky person will win this gleaming monument to personal convenience by entering Roto-Rooter's online "Pimped out John," sweepstakes. And, anyone can enter to win at www.rotorooter.com.

Pimped out John
Roto-Rooter's "Pimped out John" is outfitted with every feature a modern king or queen could want in a bathroom throne, and underneath all of the trappings, is a superb Kohler toilet. This amazing commode is fully loaded with the following "luxury enhancements":

Philips 20-inch LCD TV and Star Wars DVD
Xbox 360 gaming system
Philips DVD player
Gateway EMachine laptop computer with fully articulated robot arm
iPod with stereo docking station equipped with toilet paper dispenser
Roto-Rooter "emergency" button
Tivo recorder
Avanti refrigerator with beer tap, stocked with drinks and snacks
Magazine rack and subscriptions to Sports Illustrated, ESPN and GQ
Bike pedal exerciser
Cup warmer / cooler

Are you tired of reading the same jokes in Reader's Digest? We suggest you watch "Star Wars" on your flat-screen TV instead; and chat with your buddies about the fight scenes using your robot-arm-mounted laptop. Bored with the standard crossword puzzle? Try donning your headset to play online multiplayer video games. Picture this: Your refrigerator and magazine rack are stocked with your favorite drinks and monthlies, your bike pedals are giving your quads a run for their money and you're downloading — and listening to — new music on your iPod. After all, if something goes awry, you can always turn to your big red "Roto-Rooter Emergency" button. You'll never want to leave your toilet ever again.

"The bathroom is the perfect place for your very own throne. It shouldn't always be regarded as the room of last resort," contends Steven Pollyea, Roto-Rooter vice president of marketing. "We hope that with the 'Pimped out John,' young people especially, will have a good laugh and think of Roto-Rooter when they need high quality plumbing and drain service."

And, Roto-Rooter technicians will even come to your home to install the Pimped out John! Visit www.rotorooter.com to register to win the "Pimped out John" from January 24, 2007, through April 2, 2007. The lucky winner will be crowned on National Plumber's Day, April 25, 2007.

About Thomas Crapper Day
Thomas Crapper was a well-known inventor and plumber and a pioneer in the advancement of in-door plumbing. He was most known for inventing the "Disconnecting Trap," which became essential to in-door plumbing. This was a great leap forward in the campaign against disease. Crapper held nine patents, four for improvements to drains, three for water closets, one for manhole covers and the last for pipe joints. Every patent application for plumbing-related products filed by Crapper made it through the process, and actual patents were granted. Crapper did not invent the toilet but his employee, Albert Giblin, invented the "Silent Valveless Water Waste Preventer" (No. 814), a symphonic discharge system that allowed a toilet to flush effectively when the cistern was only half full. The device was patented in 1898. Crapper bought the patent rights and was the first to market the modern toilet. Crapper died on January 27, 1910.

About Roto-Rooter
Roto-Rooter was established in 1935 and today is the largest provider of plumbing and drain-cleaning services in the United States and Canada. Roto-Rooter is a wholly owned subsidiary of Chemed Corporation. Roto-Rooter operates businesses in more than 100 company-owned territories and more than 500 franchise territories, serving approximately 90 percent of the U.S. population.

It doesn't just cure boredom, it gives your room a soothing cool glow. Probably makes for great mood lighting, too, when you invite a young lady back to your bachelor pad to show off that deep PSP library. (Obviously, this has never happened, so consider that situation hypothetical.)

At $18 American, with such a wide array of functions (holding, illuminating, standing upright), who doesn't want one? Michael McWhertor

Universal Media Disc Vertical Stand [National Console Support]

Best part about this item?

***NEVER BEEN USED***

Think of the Christmas joy! Skip the insane console launches this weekend (please?) and put this baby under the tree. Michael McWhertor

Mortal Combat [sic] Toilet Seat

With a title like that, logic says WTF has to suck. The D3 game, also called Work Time Fun or Baito Hell in Japan, isn't getting the best critical reviews. Some of the negative love is probably due to an unnecessarily complex mini game system. Players start out with four mini-games and must "buy" new games from in-game paychecks. Unlike the short and sweet Wario games, the WTF minis are meant to be played for several minutes at a time, and that sounds like no fun at all. What. The. Fuck. Brian Ashcraft

WTF Is Tedious [Aeropause]

The holiday flood is right around the corner. Can you feel the game release HEAT?

Phantasy Star Universe (PC, PS2, Xbox 360)
Online and offline RPG, with bazillions of hours of fun.

Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell Double Agent (GC, PS2, Xbox)
Sam infiltrates a terrorist organization in his fourth stealthy adventure.

Reservoir Dogs (PC, Xbox)
It's like the Quentin Tarantino movie, but... well, with more suck.

Marvel Ultimate Alliance (GBA, PC, PS2, PSP, Xbox, Xbox 360)
X-Men Legends-style gameplay with Spidey, Capt. America, and more Marvel mainstays.

Dark Messiah of Might and Magic (PC)
The Source-powered first person RPG hits Steam this week.

F.E.A.R. Extraction Point (PC)
The horror FPS get's its first expansion. New weapons, new enemies, more sparks.

WTF (PSP)
Sony's mini-game collection screams Wario Ware rip-off that SCEA didn't wanna publish.

Resident Evil 10th Anniversary Edition (GC)
RE:make, RE0, and RE4 in one cheapass(TM) package.

Ace Combat X: Skies of Deception (PSP)
Remember when I said this was coming out last week? Oops!

Since tomorrow is my birthday, I'm hoping that publishers will just send me each and every release on this list. What are you lords and ladies picking up this week?

Before I saw Here Comes Dr. Tran and Roybertito's 60-Second Short at Spike and Mike's animation festival at Nerd Prom (alias San Diego Comic Con) last year, I thought the old convention of people literally clutching each other while laughing was made-up.

It seemed like something that just got started in comics and cartoons and went from there. I have't been so wrong about basic human behavior since I tried to pay that truck stop whore to squeegee my 18-wheeler. Not only was I clutching the poor guy sitting next to me in that darkened auditorium while I laughed like a nitroused jackdaw, it was getting hard to see the screen or hear anything because I was tearing up and the crowd was in similar hysterics.

Roybertito's 60-Second Short is the funniest few minutes of cinema I have ever seen, and Here Comes Dr. Tran is the second funniest.

Now I'm going to blow your minds by relating this seemingly endless anecdote to gaming. The new PSP Warioware-like puzzle game, Work Time Fun (WTF for short) features a brutally obvious little Tran on the cover.

From the sideparted black hair, to the teeth, to the screaming, to the very obvious insecurity in both wee Vietnamese, the similarity is jarring. I emailed Breehn Burns, accomplished cartoonist and animator as well as Tran's creator, but as of press time haven't heard back. Thanks to Tara for the tip. Eliza "great, now I want Ph " Gauger

Lone Sausage, Breehn Burns' production company
Work Time Fun [Playstation.com]

Apparently, the video shows a sheep remake of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Here's what you didn't hear on the video.

(voice off stage - The Director) So you understand right? The movie is a remake of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

(Elderly Woman) But we're sheep?

(voice off stage - The Director) Yes.

(Man in suit) Sheep?

(voice off stage - The Director) Yes.

(voice off stage - The Director) But for the remake, Butch is narcoleptic.

(Man in suit) A narcoleptic sheep?

(voice off stage - The Director) Yes.

(Man in suit) When a narcoleptic sheep sleeps, does he count sheep?

(voice off stage - The Director) Places everyone!

(Elderly Woman) Hey, is that Ewe Boll?

(voice off stage - The Director) And.....Action!

Excellent. Weevonium wins a new copy of LocoRoco for the PSP and a LocoRoco kitchen timer.

Brian Crecente

At first, I thought it was one of those "Hi I'm a Mac, and I'm a PC" commercials, only for the X360 vs the PS3. The PS3 is big, loud and completly "wrong"...and dosn't shut the hell up when she is supposed to!
Scazza

This is a video for a medical study of Kershbergers Syndrome. People with Kershbergers are prone to violent flatulence when startled by loud noises, the flatulence in turn causes the victim to shout and spasm, perpetuating a vicious cycle of yelling and breaking wind. The gas caused by Kershbergers is extremely pungent and explosive, examples of both can be clearly seen in this tape. Here the man actually passes out from the methane buildup and as you can see near the end, in the case of the woman, the force is so powerful sometimes some

Please feel free to move about the cabin, and come up with new acronyms. Joystiq is live at the scene of the crime:

As we opened up this month's Wired magazine and flipped through the various pages, something interesting suddenly popped up and caught our eye. It wasn't some new gadget, but instead an ad for Dell's gaming PC lineup. Hijacking the 1337 speak of gamers everywhere, Dell has adopted "FTW" (For the win) to push their PC gaming rigs.

And while we're cleaning house, please shut up about: snakes, bases, chuck norris, and especially any negative connotations stemming from homosexuality. In case you're out of the loop, George Takei just made gaybashing obsolete.

Optimum catchphrase ripeness occurs when about 40-60% of the audience is in on the joke. After that it becomes stale, and before that you just get a lot of blank looks.

I proffer that it's still okay to say "owned" and various derivations thereof, because Leo LaPorte says it on every TWiT. And it's adorable. How old is he? In his fifties, yeah?

Catchphrases that haven't quite hit the mainstream yet and still could use a little exploitin': NEDM (not even doom music), TWAJS (that was a joke, son), and the term "old meme", which seems to have had its heyday on Jameth's LiveJournal without really making the rounds elsewhere.

"Series of tubes" riffs are okay only as long as they show some creativity. I mean, just look at how much mileage we got out of ROFL and LOL. The best I've seen so far is "AROFLYPSE LMAO", but Bashy and Crecente are still chugging along with plain old "lol" in place of quotation marks, commas, semicolons and full stops. Me, I never touch the stuff.

"Internets" is encouraged as long as Dubya is in office.

I would like to see a return of the Fifty Hitler Post.

"POOLS CLOSED DUE TO AIDS" needs a few minutes in the sun.

But back to the gaybashing thing for a sec. My second-favorite webcomic, Jerkcity, has a vast lexicon of nearly untapped, dong-related material that, like NEDM, has seen little use outside of its home territories (namely IRC). I would like to see HUAGALHGUAH, T (name of addressee), and a good deal more dick jokes start making the rounds. You can start in the comments. Ready? Go. Eliza Gauger

Dell Goes FTW [Joystiq]

This picture is just sorta site squatting over on the Baltimore City Paper's site. It's kinda cool, but I sure would love to know WTF. So seriously, WTF? Brian Crecente

Untitled [City Paper]

Kotakuite Rikku noticed an extremely odd challenge issued on Tecmo-Bowl.com:

Let's play for money? I play Tecmo Super Bowl on the Nintendo IN PERSON.

I fly to you... in the Continental USA — Any team you want, but you pick your team first. —-Any team I want after u choose :)

for... $1000 Best 3 out of 5 games. contact me... crazyleg -at- gmail . /com

How... odd. Either Crazyleg has some amazing Techmo Bowl skills, or this is a strange money-making scam. The "I can play any team after you pick yours" provision makes me think there must be some Tecmo Bowl goof or cheat that would allow him to easily win, but a cursory browsing of GameFAQs doesn't turn anything up.

But wait, another wrinkle! At the bottom of the page, Crazyleg notes:

I am also available for tap dance and comedy shows.

Anyone in the Continental United States with a grand to burn and some mad 8-bit football skills care to take Crazyleg up on his offer, or hire him for a tap-dancing vaudeville show or two? Florian Eckhardt

I do not think it means what you think it means.

I have a soft spot for internet meta-humor. YTMND.com is infinitely fascinating to me, as is Encyclopaedia Dramatica, LJDrama.org, and Netmodelreview.

So when I saw this pop up over on Aeropause I just had to propogate it. Here we see the actual translations for the myriad acronyms you see bandied about in game chats the world over. Eliza Gauger

Read more [Core77, via Aeropause]

Ugh. I hesitated posting this, as this is the sort of non-news that really gets under my skin, but since Kotaku was name-checked in this video, I felt obligated. Profiling the token girl from Gamelife, the show built on a foundation of pointing and laughing, the video goes on to discuss how "rumors and speculation about her allegedly sordid past ... threaten to topple her from her Gamelife throne". Apparently, posting gory pictures of internet celebrities could possibly "mar the face of the entire gaming industry". Right.

One thing we should clear up is that the alway excellent UK:R (from whom we steal their news just about everyday) brought this to our attention. So if anyone is responsible for making girls cry, it's them. —Michael McWhertor

(thanks for the heads up, DaveKap!)

This video editorial from Jon of Talking With Jon fame clearly outlines why the Nintendo DS is inferior to the Sony PSP. For instance, can you use the DS as a PlayStation 3 controller? No. Is the DS widescreen, the future of gaming? No. Does it have the gigabytes? No. Can you play it without plugging it into the wall? Apparently not. Pretty damning evidence.

Before you go out willy-nilly buying game portables, watch this video. You will say "Huh.". You will say "Wow!". You will say "I can't believe I just watched that for 12 minutes...". — Michael McWhertor

The Interactive Entertainment Merchants Association and ESRB is none too pleased with the National Institute of Media and the Family s report card grade the game rating system received. (Was that enough acronyms for you?)

The industry received a D+ overall, though one could question NIMFs bias on this and the IEMA does.

Check the jump for the full statement:

We were pleased to hear that there was plenty of positive news regarding retailer ratings education and enforcement: 71% are educating the public about the ESRB rating system; 94% have a policy not to sell/rent M-rated games to persons under age 17. It is important to emphasize that the NIMF "secret shoppers" were turned down 56% of the time when they attempted to purchase M-rated games. This turn-down rate is a significant improvement since 2000, when
only 19% were turned down. This overall trend demonstrates strong and growing retailer commitment to video game rating enforcement, although clearly we are not yet where we want to be as an industry.

We were disappointed to learn that the NIMF continues to unevenly weight the results of their sting operations (judging the effectiveness of retailer enforcement stemming the sale of Mature-rated games to minors). The fact that they weight their conclusions by individual stores rather than by actual real-world market value is significant, both to the statistics as well as to the
practical realities of sales. Not weighting the data evenly by market share may well account for the NIMF sting results quite literally swinging wildly back and forth over the past five years.

We have repeatedly requested that the National Institute on Media and the Family disclose their methodology so that we may better understand how they cull their results and been denied year after year.

-Hal Halpin, pres., IEMA

NIMF, never one to be unbias, has also refused to communicate with the ESRB. The ratings board also released a statement saying that the NIMF research is flawed and ignores "any and all conflicting evidence."

The record should reflect the fact that after last year s Report Card we contacted NIMF so that we may better understand their criticism and work together, but no response was forthcoming. Their silence is an unmistakable indication that this is not about working cooperatively in the interests of video game consumers, but rather is about NIMF imposing its own narrow values and morality on the rest of the country, regardless that it has little evidence to show that parents agree with their point of view.

Download the ESRB's full statement here

IEMA [Official Site]

Click over to Activision's game roster and click on a title rated 'M.' You'll have to enter a valid credit card to get to the game's web page. Gamecloud has an article on this new strange practice. Is the web page for Doom 3 Collector's Edition so profoundly ripe with porn and blood that I need to enter my credit card just to check out the site? If nothing else, this policy is going to deter me from going to Activision games' pages, not feel safer because my non-existent children need a credit card number to check out the Quake III: Team Arena home page.

Activision Asks for Credit Card Numbers for 'M' Rated Product Pages [Gamecloud]