If there's one thing Wil Wheaton knows how to do, it's get a reaction from a crowd. Whether he's inciting the ire of millions as Wesley Crusher on Star Trek or kicking off PAX 07 with his keynote speech, he never fails to make an impression. He makes his way onto the stage with dramatic musical accompaniment, citing the above line to an adoring crowd. After railing through every gamer cliche' that one could imagine and dropping a few f-bombs along the way, he begins recounting his days as a young nerd playing video games in the local arcade. He compares his generation's love of the old arcade to this generations attachment to World of Warcraft and Xbox Live. These, he says, are the arcades of today. The crowd is in the palm of his hand as he moves on from arcade classics to home consoles, hitting every classic title along the way and filling everyone's heads with nostalgic memories of the golden age of gaming.

Moving on to the present, Wheaton ruminates on the Wii and how it brought his love of gaming back to the fore. He sees the Wii and games like Guitar Hero as social tools and new ways of bringing families together. He knows that making sure what his kids play and experience in games is his responsibility and no one else's, finally giving a another big fuck you to Mr. Thompson and his ilk, whipping the crowd into a frenzy once again.

His speech is equal parts love letter to geekdom and a call for gamers to rise up in force and show the world that we can and will be taken seriously. The rapturous audience is duly impressed and indeed rise to the occasion and their feet, sending Wheaton off with a well deserved standing ovation.

His tale is familiar to anyone raised on the NES—he details his "OH MY GOD IT'S A CHICK!!" Metroid moment—but Wil's means of securing his 8-bit console was probably a bit different. He didn't buy one with all that Star Trek: The Next Generation cash, he actually won the thing (complete with Zapper and R.O.B.) at a celebrity competition sponsored by Nintendo by kicking teenage heartthrob ass.

It's a well written and often hilarious read. Anyone over 18 who isn't afraid of nearly exposed boobs should check it out. Michael McWhertor

Wil Wheaton's Geek in Review: 8 Bits High and Rising [SuicideGirls]