Postal Opening On Four Screens (Yes, FOUR)

Theatrical distributors are boycotting Postal because of its political content. We were prepared to open on 1500 screens all across America on May 23rd. Any multiplex in the U.S. should have space for us, but they're afraid... We have even tried to buy a few screens in New York and Los Angeles, and they won't let us even rent the theaters! I urge independent exhibitors to contact us and book 'Postal'! Audiences have been expecting the film and I don't think exhibitors should censor what gets played in U.S. theaters.

Uwe Boll's Best Idea Ever

Uwe Boll might actually have a good idea for a video game movie! In an interview over at New York Magazine in which he explains how he'd be a perfect fit for a Grand Theft Auto movie, Uwe is asked how he would deal with video game fans who feel he is raping their games with his horrible movie interpretations.

I think right in the Internet world there is a more interesting strategy I could go with. I have the rights to [Wii game] Zombie Massacre, and maybe we should do that movie with all the gamers and Boll haters, and people who signed that petition anti-Boll, or pro-Boll, we all meet in a big, small city — somewhere in the Midwest. And we all shoot Zombie Massacre together; they all play zombies, and they're there and can give me advice if they think they can do it better than me.

Uwe Boll Vs. Stride Gum

"Since gamers are one of our most supportive groups, we have been looking for ways to return the favor," said Gary Osifchin, Stride North American Marketing Director. "And what better way is there to get gamers' backs than by helping them rescue their cherished videogames from the clutches of Uwe Boll?"

Uwe Boll VS.The Phantom

How could Uwe Boll's Bloodrayne go wrong? They had a hot video game property, a gorgeous leading lady in Kristanna Loken, Phantom star Billy Zane...oh there we go. You should never listen to Billy Zane. According to a suit filed in Los Angeles Superior Court, Boll is suing the Phantom star for $700,000 in lost revenues over the 2006 'film'. Zane allegedly suggested that Romar Entertainment handle the distribution of the film, with a $10 million advance going to the company towards a promised 2,000 screen opening, which explains where Bloodrayne's special effects budget went. The movie went on to open on only 950 screens, making back only $4 million of its $25 million budget. Boll claims that $900,000 of that $10 million advance went to Billy Zane and Romar principal James Schramm. If Boll's claims holds true, this would mean he began losing money on Bloodrayne before the movie was even released. The man is a master filmmaker, ladies and gentlemen.

Uwe Boll sues Billy Zane [The Hollywood Reporter - Thanks MrPants!]

Bay vs. Uwe Boll Round 3: "Bay Agreed To Fight" [Updated]

Hi here's Uwe Boll, I'm very happy to say the fight is on. Boll Vs. Bay. It's a rumble in the jungle 2, it will be in Kinshasa, Zaire. I think September 30th will be the fight. Boll against Bay. He agreed to do it, I'm very proud of it. So if you want to be live there you need ten tickets from Postal opening May 23rd. You bring these tickets and this will be the entry to the boxing fight, Boll against Bay. Or you can buy tickets on eBay or wherever else you can buy it, of course also, but I think the cheapest way is with the Postal tickets. OK, so Michael Bay, start training and I think you will go down to be honest. I think round three or round four you will go down in history, not only for the worst war movie ever: Pearl Harbor, no, also for the worst boxer in the ring against Uwe Boll ever. Thank you.

Michael Bay vs. Uwe Boll Round 2

To recap the pissing match: Director Uwe Boll called director Michael Bay a "fucking retard." Bay responded by saying Boll was a "sad being." Boll then stated Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg were signing the anti-Uwe internet petition on various assumed names. Your move, Bay:

Can we stop talking about this guy! I never even heard his name till last week when he made threats and rants. The guy is a fucking idiot, making threats to me, Clooney, Eli Roth, says he has a doctorate - but uses the word "retard" in his vocabulary, come on. When you look at his videos, what is interesting are the backgrounds. I guess his low rent offices, with 15 year old 3/4 machines, archaic computers, this is just some dumb chump trying to get some fame when he has none, so he has to make Youtube lame quality anger rants. Guy just want attention because he can't get any for the so called movies he makes. Nothing sadder when he had his screening in LA to an over half empty movie house.

He is a troubled soul — let's not waste time on talking about him please.

How The French Conned Uwe Boll Into Metal Gear

This was an absurd story... Two French guys wrote a script, said they are from Konami hired to write the script, said 'You wanna direct it?' I read the script, I liked the script. I said, 'Yes, I can do it.' ...I read on the internet Konami said they had nothing to do with me, they had nothing to do with the movie. So it turned totally against me in the press.

Uwe Boll Wanted To Do A WoW Movie, Blizzard Said No, Thanks

I got in contact with Paul Sams of Blizzard, and he said, 'We will not sell the movie rights, not to you...especially not to you. Because it's such a big online game success, maybe a bad movie would destroy that ongoing income, what the company has with it."

Spielberg And Michael Bay Are Plotting Against Me

I tracked down who's signing that petition, and these are like a few people, getting under different identities and things in the internet and signing it over and over again. The second thing is that I was able to find that actually Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg under various different identities posting ongoing that I should stop making movies, and I know why: They are afraid of the competition. What jealous internet nerds and wannabe filmmakers are signing that petition?

Michael Bay Responds To "Fucking Retard" Remark

Michael Bay is a powerful man. He's not a fucking retard. So when Uwe Boll called Michael Bay a fucking retard, the Armageddon director thought he should, you know, say something. On his own official message board, Bay wrote:

I find people who rant like that - calling shit about both me, and George Clooney - comes from someone screaming because he is not being heard. He is obviously a sad being. When you ask 'do I care?' Not in the slightest.

M

Uwe Boll's Postal Getting Rave Reviews From People You've Never Heard Of

It's rare that I make it out the local cineplex these days unless former Village People cowboy Randy Jones gives it his stamp of approval. Fortunately for Uwe Boll and whomever bankrolled his latest video game adaptation Postal, they've got a tenner coming their way, fresh from my wallet! Just kidding, obviously, but the film does appear to be on the receiving end of rave review from people you're sure to be unfamiliar with, including that guy from the blog you haven't read Times Square Gossip who wrote that Postal is so funny "you are going to drop your popcorn." What's funny about dropped popcorn? That's serious.

Other folks whose opinion carries no weight say that the movie is "the funniest film of the year" and will bring you to tears or the brink of incontinence. Even Postal developer Vince Desi says the film has been "sharpened" and I can't imagine he'd be anything but honest with us about the movie based on his game.

About another half-review is contained in the press release after the jump.

Uwe Boll Responds To Million Man Petition: "Look, I'm Not A Fucking Retard"

Yes, we've definitely heard all about Uwe Boll's claim that if a million concerned gamers were to band together, say via internet petition, he'd stop making movies. You can throttle bak on the tips, Turbo. While no one at the Kotaku Towers complex believes that Uwe will give up the movie biz for a second, it doesn't seem to have curbed enthusiasm for an internet rallying cry. How does Mr. Boll respond?

In shattered English, Boll says he hopes that someone, somewhere will start a pro-Uwe petition. Why? Here's why.

Catch An Early Screening Of Postal

Dungeon Siege DVD Dated

For those of you who decided that the theater just wasn't the right place to thoroughly enjoy Uwe Boll's In The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, Fox Home Entertainment has some great news for you. While normally you'd expect to have to wait a good six months before a quality film such as this made it to DVD, Fox is rushing it into the hands of eager fans on April 15th, complete with deleted scenes (he DELETED some?), a behind the scenes featurette, and trailers. All of this for a suggested retail price of $27.98, which translated into Wal-Mart money is roughly $14.99. Rejoice, movie fans! Our long, nightmarish wait is soon over!

In The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (R1) in April [DVD Times]

Uwe Boll - We Will Destroy Indiana Jones

"We will go out and destroy Indiana Jones at the box office!" thundered a confident Uwe "Raging" Boll of the first film to win him positive reviews, even from the video game community.