Pirates. For real. You get to fight pirates.

If you aren't convinced that pirates vs. ninjas makes for the best game EVAR, hit the jump for our Frankenreview—the only review requiring the sacrifice of five innocent reviewers reviews to create.

Gamer 2.0
...the lack of diversity in the mission objectives is excruciating. About 85 percent of the missions require you to stalk from rooftop to rooftop, dropping down and killing a multitude of guards, and finally slipping into a room with the "mark" and assassinating him. [And] if you die at any point during the mission you have to start over at the very beginning.

Gamespot
Tenchu Z's graphics do little to improve the experience. The first few levels don't look half bad—the towns and villages look decent, and there are some nice details to admire here and there. Then you get further into the game and notice that each village looks the same as the next one and there are only a few different types of buildings. Characters all look pretty cool and they're all intimidating, but their faces are an absolute mess and there are only a couple of different character designs, which are animated poorly and frequently fade in and out of view thanks to a less-than-impressive draw distance.

1up
Tenchu Z is considerably more fun than its low-tech, disparate parts might suggest...The fully customizable characters, with a wide range of parts, equipment, and items to purchase, may be expressionless and lacking in dialogue (you basically just accept your mission and go), but they grow on you with every personal touch added en route to the game's finish line.

Team Xbox
Things really start to get fun when combos and Secret Arts (special moves) are earned, further increasing the scope of Tenchu Z's combat system. Unfortunately the fighting is still a bit stiff and staccato as it has been in the earlier games, but at least there are more kill animations and special moves this time around.

GameInformer
The co-op mode allows you to slash and sneak your way though missions with up to four friends. It's great watching your fellow ninja (who happens to have bright purple hair) spring from a behind a box to slay an unsuspecting guard urinating over the edge of the dock. But like Rainbow Six Vegas, the game doesn't showcase the storyline or cutscenes when playing with friends, which takes away from the overall experience.

It's a stinker. And in my book, there's no excuse for a $59 game to have some of these issues.

Some Ninja action this week, a movie franchise game, a race game, a couple of ports and yet another Sims add on. Not a very exciting week all in all, but I'm sure someone, somewhere will enjoy something on this list. Could it be you? Flynn De Marco

• Tenchu Z (X360) Stealth Ninjas invade your 360.
• Naruto: Ultimate Ninja 2 (PS2)
  More Naruto, more ninjas, more fun!
• Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer (X360, PS3, PS2, WII, DS)
  Another sure to be awesome movie franchise game. Because they always are... right?
• Big Brain Academy: Wii Degree (WII)
  Your brain really is in your Wii.
• Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Vegas (PSP)
  Kill the terrorists that have taken over Vegas...again. This time on the PSP.
• Scarface: The World Is Yours (WII)
  Use your Wii to rule the mob.
• TrackMania United (PC)
  Win the race. Take the trophy.
• The Sims 2: Pets (WII)
  Now you can not only make your Sims pee, you can make their pets pee too.

Okay, we saw it coming, but it's still a pleassant surprise of sorts, as the Tenchu Z Demo hits Xbox Live Marketplace in North America and Europe, giving Xbox 360 owners with 650 MB of free hard drive space a chance to step into the little footy shoes of the ninja. The demo includes one single player mission with preselected weapons, and more than a little death. It is currently downloading to my console at home, awaiting my judgement as was foretold in ninja prophecy.

I particularly enjoy the fact that Major Nelson is so terrified of the ninja that he posted the update from 'Concource B, Denver International Airport'. Being near the home of the relatively dire pirate Crecente will help you not, good Major. Michael Fahey

Demo: Tenchu Z (North America and Europe) [Major Nelson's Blog]

Dirty pirate lovers need not apply. Michael McWhertor

Tenchu Z [Xbox.com]

Microsoft has officially confirmed that stealth-action Ninja title Tenchu Senran is coming to North America under the name Tenchu Z.

The Xbox 360 exclusive from FromSoftware will include more than 50 missions set in ancient Japan.

Slash up unsuspecting guards with a wide array of ninja weaponry including explosives and a grappling hook, on your way to slaying the big boss. True ninja mastery only comes with keen use of sound, sight and smell detection as you learn new moves and obtain new weapons. Patience and strategic thinking with use of the stealth kill system is rewarded over a run and gun style of hand to hand combat.

Msoft has yet to announce a release date for the game. Brian Crecente