OK. If you're this far into this post, then I assume you have finished Assassin's Creed II or don't mind having parts of it spoiled for you.

We talked in some general terms about making a game based on history. It's something that Desilets sees as an Assassin's Creed franchise trademark but also "a pain in the ass sometimes." It creates rules that he and the team who conceive the AC storylines are tempted to obey. "Sometimes it gives us ideas. Sometimes it gives us constraints… You want to kill that character, but he didn't die until he was old. So how do we kill him? So we don't kill him." Historical characters will only die in this series when they died in real life.

Consider, then, that the following is an Assassin's Creed franchise rule regarding the death of the fictional characters in the games "that cannot be transgressed," according to Desilets: "You cannot have your ancestor die, because then you couldn't have any memory. You need to move the memory forward." So Ezio or Altair or whoever else might star in the playable historical re-lived memories of true Assassin's Creed protagonists, the modern-day Desmond Miles, cannot be killed in the memories Desmond is experiencing. Otherwise, those memories could not have been passed down. and experienced by Miles via the Animus device But, Desilets noted with a chuckle, there probably is one way around this no-death-during-remembered-moments limitation: "The only way would be to die while fucking."

Some history is bent in the series, of course. Players know this as long as they assume that Rodrigo Borgia may not have really been in a secret society that sought a sci-fi golden apple. And they might know this if they believe that Machiavelli wasn't really in an assassin's guild. These deviations from historical fact are okay, Desilets said. "It's a feeling." He could see, for example, Machiavelli as a fighter. "Is he a fighter really? He was more of an intellectual. But it seems neat to have Machiavelli with a weapon. It's much more cool than to have this guy who is always writing. That's not fun. So we decided he fights, but that's not [the real] Machiavelli." On the other hand, Leonardo Da Vinci cannot be an assassin. Ever. "Imagine Leonardo with a sword and it doesn't fit… There's so many things we can do that sometimes we just have to say, 'I feel it or not.' And it's not really much more scientific than that."

Rules of life, death and sex aside, why did Patrice Desilets go and mix the widely-praised historical parts of Assassin's Creed with the less popular parts of the series that go all sci-fi, with an end of the world, 2012-pending apocalypse, evil corporations and a seemingly alien race meddling with human history? (Remember I said this post would be all-spoiler?)

Desilets describes the series as "A mix of what I really like: history and science fiction. It's a junction between the two." He is aware that the Desmond parts, slow-paced and frequent in the first Assassin's Creed and more sparingly used and action-based in the sequel aren't universally loved. "I know a lot of people are more into the history than the present, but I know that this time around [with the sequel] people understand the present part much more than they did in the first game. In the first game they thought it was useless, but now I'm reading some forums people want to know what's happening with Desmond. Even if some people, like IGN, don't want us to talk about Desmond."

He's aware that some people felt blindsided by the amount of sci-fi in Assassin's Creed II, especially the end-game conversation between Ezio, Desmond and the otherworldly Minerva about a pending modern apocalypse. But that's what players signed up for. "It's been there all along, since the first one, since we developed our thing. If you remember, at the end of AC1, the apple showed this entire world map. No, it's planned. I don't want to talk too much about it, but it's part of our back story… it's a mix of historical accuracy and science fiction and where they meet." He cites Dune and Isaac Asimov as personal sci-fi favorites as well as a love for history and a fascination with assassins.

A few more spoiler topics. That Alatair flashback in Assassin's Creed II? "The flashback was planned as soon as we did our first conception meeting [for the sequel]," he said. These days, it seems natural that Assassin's Creed II would have a different main playable protagonist than the first game. But it was a creative and business risk to chuck the lead character from a popular first game. So Altair had to at least show up. "We said we needed to do something with Altair. Altair needs to be back somehow. He can't be the star of the show, otherwise we missed our point… but somehow he needs to be back. [We came up with] this bleeding effect that would allow Desmond to re-live a memory without an Animus. We said that's great. And we have Acre, the map, so we said let's take a portion of it and make it and we can tell a portion of the story of Altair." Was it wedged in by marketing to promote the Altair-starring Assassin's Creed Bloodlines? Desilets said the marketing team can have good ideas, just like anyone, but it sounds like they're not the ones to credit/blame for ACII's Altair return.

Back to the past. Assassin's Creed II, via some cutscenes and the level unlockable via a Uplay connection, explains some of the Assassin's guild history that bridges the first console game and the second. It mentions Dante and Marco Polo. Even further into the past, ACII shows what appears to be the Biblical Adam and Eve running through a Garden of Eden that is really an alien (or lost) civilization on Earth. I asked Desilets if I could infer from all that that we could get an Assassin's Creed: Adam and Eve: "I don't know. Not any time soon. Is that a good answer?"

Desilets is coy about who would star in future Assassin's Creed games. But he is playful about the possibilities: "You never know… you could also say, 'Oh there's six more games to do with all the assassin's that we showed you. We could do games about them. … We did a graphic novel and in the beginning of the graphic novel there's another assassin from the Roman Empire. We could do a game about that."

So, no hints? No. But he did say that the outline for the Assassin's Creed series is more fleshed out now than ever before. "I have a general idea of where we want to go. The more we go forward the more we know the more we decide this idea goes, let's do this, this and this. It's not like the [storyline] bible is perfect and finished. It's ongoing for us. But we know more and more now."

And now, Assassin's Creed II fans, the floor is yours. Feel free to talk about spoilers, be it what Desilets had to say or your own theories.

Rockstar Games, no stranger to controversy as marketing tool, will likely come under fire for its inclusion of completely uncensored, full frontal male nudity in The Lost and Damned, giving us our very first glimpse of digital dick on the Xbox 360. To say it was a surprise would be an understatement, as the scene in question is expert at providing flirtatious glimpses of one character's fleshy business, only to give Congressman Thomas Stubbs' junk plenty of screen time.

Allow us to set the scene...

Stubbs, in his first meeting with lead character Johnny Klebbitz, is receiving a massage at the private gentleman's club Jousters when we meet him. The Congressman, dressed in nothing but a towel, quickly becomes pretty comfortable with his new biker friend, choosing to deliver his monologue in the buff.

While Rockstar's cinematics director teases the player with mere glimpses of Mr. Stubbs' junk, during the final moments of the cinematic, we get to see everything: a very poorly groomed, uncut and unabashed set of man tools.

We've opted not to include a shot of the scene, instead choosing to show the next encounter between Messrs. Klebitz and Stubbs, which also happens to be mostly clothing free.

The ESRB rating for the game—which is "M" for Mature—does make mention of the gratuitous digital dick on display, noting that the game has "Nudity" in its content. The original Grand Theft Auto IV is listed as having only "Partial nudity."

There is no lack of homosexual innuendo in the expansion, as the Lost bikers regularly question one another's sexuality and gush about the love of brotherhood throughout the game, but it certainly was surprising to see Rockstar go there.

Not the kind of spoilers that ruin missions or stories. This is more like a hands-on discussion of the game's feel and environment. But if you want to go into this game wide-eyed, jaw-dropping at the depth and complexity of the world you'll be living in for the next three to six months, especially if you're employed, then do not follow the jump.

I think you can still listen to this and be blown away by the game, but if you're sensitive to this sort of thing, you have been warned.

Clip one is the juicy spoiler clip. I'm not even going to mark timestamps because there's really no nonspoiler material. You either want to listen to it or not. Here's some highlights:

• Apparently Anthony Cumia appears in this game as an Italian gangster, and even sings in it.

• Pisswasser — "cheap German beer brewed for export only" — is the game's leading beer brand. They play the radio ad for it at 1:40.

• There will be an "in-game Internet" that sounds astoundingly deep, with spoofs of blogs and news sites, including conservative and liberal themed news sources. They'll report directly on the mayhem you cause, and have annoying pop up banners for shows like "America's Next Top Hooker." There is also "Craplist," a Craigslist spoof that emulates CL's notorious personals — right down to hooking Niko up on in-game dates, Lazlow says.

Part II is a little more generic and doesn't really give much away, devoting the opening to hating on the Wii. They're playing it in the studio and calling out some of the gameplay details. Lazlow says there have been discussions of "light concepts" for a sequel but nothing solid yet. O&A, naturally, encourage a rural-based GTA so you can do unnatural acts with chickens.

Some of my favorite Lazlow comments (because they hit close to home).

• "It's OK when you're obsessed with 'The Wire,' but people think it's wrong when it's a video game." (so true.)

• "My problem is, I tend to drink when I play, and playing Call of Duty drunk does not go well, especially when some 15-year-old knifes you in the back."

I've linked the YouTube audio, as the O&A site apparently requires you to listen to the entire show via Audiobooks or something.

Part One (8:57)

Part Two (9:25)

Lazlow Jones Interviewed on Opie & Anthony, April 18. [YouTube user k2dart, via Reddit]

1-1: drive through all 5 numbered gates in order.
1-2: collect all 15 coins.
1-3: destroy all 10 item boxes.
1-4: get the star and use it to hit 5 cheep cheeps.
1-5: drive through all 6 numbered gates in order.
1-6: drive out of the mansion backward.
1-7: collect all 20 coins.
1-8: perform 4 power-slide turbo boosts in 1 lap.
boss: user mushrooms to crash into the big bully and knock him off the stage.

2-1: crash into all 10 wooden crates and destroy everyone one.
2-2: collect all 10 coins.
2-3: drive through all 5 numbered gates in order.
2-4: destroy all 5 item boxes.
2-5: collect all 20 coins.
2-6: use bob-ombs to destroy all 5 pokeys.
2-7: drive trhough all 10 numbered gates in order.
2-8: perform 6 power-slide turbo boosts in 3 laps.
boss: hit the eyerok s eyeball 3 times with shells.

3-1: destroy all 5 item boxes.
3-2: drive through all 5 numbered gates in order backward.
3-3: collect all 15 counts while avoiding the chain chomp.
3-4: reach the finish before yoshi.
3-5: drive through all 8 numbered gates in order.
3-6: hit monty moles with shells 5 times.
3-7: perform 10 power-slide turble boosts in 1 lap.
3-8: collect all 20 coins.
boss: reach the finish before goomboss.

4-1: reach the finish before donkey kong.
4-2: blast 20 crabs.
4-3: reach the finish before the red car.
4-4: drive through all 7 numbered gates in order.
4-5: collect all 15 coins. if you get squished by a thwomp, you fail.
4-6: break all 10 item boxes while avoiding the fake items.
4-7: drive through all 10 gates.
4-8: perform 9 power-slide turbo boosts in 1 lap.
boss: collect 50 coins while avoiding king boo.

5-1: reach the finish before the stray chain chomp.
5-2: drive backward and collect 15 coins. if you hit a snowman, you fail.
5-3: destroy all 5 item boxes.
5-4: drive through all 10 numbered gates in order.
5-5: complete 1 lap in the opposite direction within the time limit.
5-6: collect all 18 coins.
5-7: drive through all 8 numbered gates in order.
5-8: reach the finish before mario.
boss: hit the big bob-omb with 3 bob-ombs.

6-1: drive backward across the spinning bridge. f you fall, you out.
6-2: get stars and run over 15 rockey wrenches.
6-3: collect all 30 coins.
6-4: destroy all 10 item boxes.
6-5: drive through all 8 numbered gates in order.
6-6: perform 14 power-slide turbo boosts in 1 lap.
6-7: collect all 40 coins.
6-8: reach the finish before peach.
boss: use muchroom boosts to hit chief chilly and knock him off the stage 3 times.

Mario Kart DS: Mission Mode Missions [British Gaming]