Comic Explains Why Solid Snake Never Gets Any Fox Tail

You'd think with the raw sexuality that Solid Snake oozes in every episode of Metal Gear that he'd be swatting away the ladies with baseball bat or, at the very least, tranquilizing them and moving their unconscious bodies to less conspicuous locations. It's not like he hasn't come across his share of foxes who could use some post-traumatic stress relief. Sure, there may not be a lot of time for love on the battlefield, but according to the philosopher Pat Benatar, love is a battlefield. Given that, we'd think Snake's romantic adventures would be a natural spin off for the series.

Kotaku reader Michal's comic, however, might help explain why Snake strikes out with the women of Metal Gear Solid in a spin on this theory about Old Snake's shortcomings. I guess, technically, it's NSFW, so proceed with caution.

Metal Gear Solid: Cold Blooded

Does Solid Snake Have...A Solid Snake?

The United States is gearing up to elect a new president, gasoline prices are skyrocking, environmentalists are predicting doom for our planet, and on the internet the debate rages on - does Solid Snake have a penis? Binary Fractal has posted a long, rather crude essay explaining why he believes this clone of Big Boss was born without junk, citing photographic evidence, particular storylines, and Snake's relationship problems along the way. For example:

At the end of MGS Naomi was offering free strip searches to Snake (literally) and when she finally has him in front of him, naked, she starts crying like a bitch. Keep in ming that Naomi is the biggest whore in the MG universe and there's nothing that makes a whore cry more than having a man show up with no penis in her house.

My thoughts? He can't reproduce, he's dying prematurely, and the one girl he had the hots for doesn't have a grandpa complex. Damn guys, leave the poor man his penis.

Solid Snake Has No Penis [Binary Fractal - Thanks Luis!]

It was Grand Theft Auto IV that drew my father to the Playstation 3 and it was to that same game that he withdrew to after hitting a frustrating bottle neck in Metal Gear Solid 4.

"I needed to just play a game for a little while, " he told me during a late night call earlier this week. "I got stuck in Metal Gear Solid and it was so frustrating playing it over and over again."

At 70, my dad isn't probably the typical Metal Gear Solid gamer, probably not even the typical gamer. But after watching me play through chunks of Grand Theft Auto shortly after its release he vowed to pick up the Playstation 3. Why the PS3? Because the original Xbox, now a magnet for dust in his house, got a chance and it was the Playstation's turn, he told me.

Alrighty Kids, Pick The Best Snake Stache

When are the Snake Stach finalists going to be announced? When's the voting? Huh, huh? Tell me! Well. I've been on vacation. I've been relaxing, so folks, you should be patient.

Okay! Let's start. We're giving away a New York City Comic Con Metal Gear Solid 2 Raiden figure. Here are the top thirty finalists. And man, was it hard to pick these. Imagine how hard it's going to be for you, Kotakuland, to pick the winner. Here's how it works: You may vote for one stache and only one. Click through the gallery below and write "I vote for this" under the pic you, well, want to vote for. Any votes from accounts created today will not count and be banned. Double votes will not count either. So remember, vote once and vote underneath the actual picture! Voting will close in 24 hours. Winner announced later in the week.

Hear Solid Snake Say "Kotaku"

Make A Snake 'Stache, Win Limited Edition Raiden Figure

YET ANOTHER CONTEST. Endless! We've got an exclusive New York City Comic Con Metal Gear Solid 2 Raiden figure from actual event. Info about the figurine:

Metal Gear Solid 2 Raiden Stealth Camouflage Version

Celebrating the 20th anniversary of the hit video game, this exclusive NYCC figure from Medicom is a must-have for any fan of the action-packed franchise as well as nostalgia-struck gamers from the NES-era. 7" tall and features multiple points of articulation. Available from selected retailers on the show floor. Limited to 1400 pieces.

And yes, we want to give it away. To you. Or you. Or you. Let's do a contest. Oh yes, let's. We're going to kick off a Metal Gear mustache contest. But not just any mustache contest! Contestants must create and wear mustaches made out of anything BUT hair. Got that? Entries must be of a non-hair mustache, and it must be on the contestant's face. Finalists will be announced on June 12th. That's soon! Send your entry to kotakutcontestATgmailDOTcom. May the best 'stache win!

Hit the jump for a look at box's backside.

Metal Gear Retrospective: Part II

Gametrailers got up the second installment of its look at the Metal Gear franchise. This 20-minute clips picks up in 1995, eight years after the first Metal Gear, and five since the Japan-only release of Metal Gear: Solid Snake. Hideo Kojima has heard about this new "PlayStation" console and its capabilities, and sets to creating a sequel that will take full advantage of it ...

Metal Gear Retrospective — Part Two [Gametrailers. Here's Part One if you missed that.]

What Konami event would be complete without a healthy dose of Metal Gear Solid 4? And a healthy dose it was! After a short talk about the series in which Kojima proudly announced "Metal Gear Solid 4 is Complete" we watched as he played through the first forty-five minutes of the game which, while fascinating, was a bit lengthy given the time of night and the non air conditioned room.

During the announcements we were told about the PS3 MGS4 bundle which has been confirmed to contain a gunmetal gray PS3 with matching Dual Shock 3 controller and the MGS4 limited edition version of the game. Once the gameplay started we were treated to the most fantastic MGS news of the evening, a brand new secret weapon. CAUTION: If you make the jump you will hear about this new secret weapon. If you don't want to know about it, read no further!

Snake Making Appearance In New International Track & Field

Solid Snake To Make Inevitable UT3 Appearance, Unofficially

The current list of video game all-stars making unauthorized appearances in Unreal Tournament 3 thus far includes Master Chief from Halo, Samus Aran from Metroid and now Snake from Metal Gear Solid. Specifically, we're talking about Old Snake from MGS 4, the latest top biller to get a fan made UT3 mod.

We may be jumping the gun a bit here, as the modder currently slaving away on Old Snake is still, well, slaving away. But the attempt by modder "genZ" is already looking solid. Pun unfortunately intended. Who out there with some Zbrush or 3D Studio Max skills is willing to whip up a very threatening Mega Man?

MGS4 Old Snake [UT3 Forums - thanks, Esq!]

Brian H. sent on this little gem, playing up the uncanny resemblance of Magnum P.I. star Tom Selleck and uh, Solid Snake.

Snake is instantly recognizable for a few simple features, his signature eye patch, the 80's glam rock head band and probably most importantly his manhood, that's right, his Moustache. But call me a heathen, when I hear the word moustache only one name springs to mind and that is Magnum P.I a.k.a Tom Selleck. Driving a Ferrari, courting beautiful women, for Gods sake he made Hawaiian Shirts cool. I pay him homage with a game cover should he ever decide to cash in on his mo.

Nokia's revamped N-Gage, now a multi-handset platform rather than standalone hardware, is trying to learn from its predecessor's mistakes. Ditching the rubbish hardware was a good first step. Harking back to Nokia's one shining triumph in the gaming world - Snake - might be another. This is Snake for the N-Gage, which is nothing like your granddaddy's Snake. It's got online leaderboards, a snazzy new colour scheme and reacts to the background music (though, criminally, not your own mp3s). Definitely looks like an improvement, but then...what was wrong with the old Snake?
[via Pocket Gamer]

Super Smash Bros. Brawl "Battle" Gameplay

Metal Gear Solid: Essential Collection Now Available for Pre-Order at GameStop

Last weekend I told you about the Metal Gear Solid: Essential Collection and its availability for pre-order on PlayAsia. Now it seems the pre-order is coming stateside as Gamestop/EB Games now has a page for the collection as well. Listed at $29.99, it is a bit cheaper than the $34.90 that PlayAsia was charging and I imagine the shipping will be a similar 4 - 5 bucks depending on where you are. The collection includes the original Metal Gear Solid as well as the directors cut of Metal Gear Solid 2: Substance and Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence and will be available for the PS2.

Metal Gear Solid: Essential Collection [GameStop]
[Thanks, A_Zombie]

Metal Gear Saga 20th Anniversary Video

Some hard working and Metal Gear Solid obsessed fans have translated and uploaded this Metal Gear Saga 20th Anniversary video that came along with the Metal Gear Saga 20th Anniversary box set that was recently released exclusively in Japan. Check it out for a ton of info on your favorite characters and some hints on where the next game is heading. It's a nice long one (23:32) so make sure and carve yourself out a little chunk of time to check it out. And just to clarify, the clip is in Japanese with English subtitles, so grab your reading glasses.

[Thanks, Jeff]