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Mainstream Media: Animal Crossing Mayor Could Be A Sexual Predator

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The Cap'n
03/17/09

In reply to Mainstream Media: Animal Crossing Mayor Could Be A Sexual Predator
I had some beers last night for St. Patricks Day (hey, it starts at midnight). Followed by a few Beamish when I played P4 for a few hours. I woke up 30 min ago, and turn on Kotaku. I see this article and the sentence:

"Is Mayor Tortimer actually a man in California that asks for naked images from Missouri children?"

I feared that this was some hallucination from not having coffee yet. So I left and came back. The offending sentence hadn't vanished. I started to worry that maybe I needed to stop drinking. Or maybe my life had become a Thomas Pynchon novel.

I'm really glad all of you are seeing this, too, though. This is the most harebrained thing that I've ever read in this video game hysteria context. What you have to understand is that as terrible as St. Louis and Kansas City are (ok, I'm exaggerating a bit), mid-Missouri is full of the people who aren't qualified for either of those two cities (Columbia is given a pass here). Terrible lot.

I'm thinking of googling 'how to write a cease and desist letter' and emailing a threatening sounding one to them, as acting attorney for adult AC players. Hey, if they believed that Tortimer nonsense, they'll believe this.
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LucasReis
03/17/09

In reply to Mainstream Media: Animal Crossing Mayor Could Be A Sexual Predator
This guy is sure an ignorant prick.

Sure, adults don´t play Animal Crossing, they also don´t play stuff like Pokemon! This guy should get a cup of STFU.
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ShaggE: Cracking Eggs Of Wisdom
03/17/09

In reply to Mainstream Media: Animal Crossing Mayor Could Be A Sexual Predator
Pong is teaching us to beat people with paddles! Dr. Mario is teaching us how to stash drugs in small spaces! Imagine: Babiez is causing us to imagine MAKING babies! And then actually doing it! Before marriage!

HEAD FOR THE HILLS!
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ZaxxonQ.com
03/17/09

In reply to Mainstream Media: Animal Crossing Mayor Could Be A Sexual Predator
"I cannot come up with any legitimate reason that an adult would be playing that particular game"

REALLY?! Gee, I dunno... maybe because it's FUN?! Pardon me, a 29 year old adult, for playing these kiddie games. What WAS I thinking?! Where is that Trivial Pursuit or Wii Solitaire that I SHOULD be playing?! I AM on foot in the grave, after all and can't have too much stimulation from those kiddie games.

I hate the human race, sometimes/mostly/all the time.

>_<
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Gossy... Fortune and Glory
03/17/09

In reply to Mainstream Media: Animal Crossing Mayor Could Be A Sexual Predator
"I cannot come up with any legitimate reason that an adult would be playing that particular game,"

Oh, okay Andy. Thanks for clearing that up, seeing as your obviously such an expert.
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Heliophage
03/17/09

In reply to Mainstream Media: Animal Crossing Mayor Could Be A Sexual Predator
Mayor Tortimer? That decrepit old tortoise?

I guess it's true what they say: you don't turn from green, if you know what I mean.
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Foxstar is in love with Kotaku's two Brians.
03/17/09

In reply to Mainstream Media: Animal Crossing Mayor Could Be A Sexual Predator
No pedo on earth would be willing to put up with all you need in order to get into some kid's town. Not even Pedobear.
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BubbleF**kingBuddy
03/17/09

In reply to Mainstream Media: Animal Crossing Mayor Could Be A Sexual Predator
And I thought Kotaku had slow news days on the weekends. These guys must have completely bottomed out.
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Mount_Prion
03/17/09

In reply to Mainstream Media: Animal Crossing Mayor Could Be A Sexual Predator
I absolutely loathe the logic they're demonstrating here. That's like saying I have no reason to read The Phantom Tollbooth because it's made for kids.

Piss off and leave me to my Harold and the Purple Crayon.

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Gorilla Snow is Maximum Risky
03/17/09

@Mount_Prion: Meh, Harold and the Purple Crayon is so overrated. Amelia Bedilia is 10x better.

:P
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Mount_Prion
03/17/09

@Gorilla Snow is hot for Snorlax: No way! I love the self-reflexivity! Harold is so meta.

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SadAstronaut
03/17/09

In reply to Mainstream Media: Animal Crossing Mayor Could Be A Sexual Predator
Nook's the biggest pedo I've seen in a long time. He's always wanting me to look at his wares. D:
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bigman88zz
03/17/09

@SadAstronaut: i always saw tom nook as more of a pimp. "You still don't have enough bells to pay off that house I gave you? You better get back on the street and make those bells before I have to slap you!"
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SadAstronaut
03/17/09

@bigman88zz: I see what you're getting at. A pedophile pimp? And they said Animal Crossing was for kids....
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walking_spanish
03/17/09

In reply to Mainstream Media: Animal Crossing Mayor Could Be A Sexual Predator
that would be a great addition to the game

"Hi neighbor! Welcome to our fine town!
...Did I mention I'm a registered sex offender?"
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MrBionic
03/17/09

@walking_spanish: Tom Nook: "Now, you don't just get this house for free, oh no, you must pay off the debt by doing small tasks for me. Also, due to Megan's Law, I am obligated to inform you that...

... You know what, never mind. Your first task is to..."
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Ryguy226
03/17/09

@MrBionic: Good ol' Quagmire spun in there, bravo sir.
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MrBionic
03/17/09

@Ryguy226: *bows*
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That One Guy
03/17/09

In reply to Mainstream Media: Animal Crossing Mayor Could Be A Sexual Predator
Oh god. You serious? Animal crossing? Out of all the games. Its like that saying:

"People die when they are killed"
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Kyolux didn't ate your rice krispies!
03/17/09

@shrek187: "People die when they are killed"

They do? *calls local news*
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Gossy... Fortune and Glory
03/17/09

@Kyolux le mousquetaire: I wouldn't bother if I were you, they'd just find a way to blame gaming for it :(
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Ashkihyena
03/17/09

In reply to Mainstream Media: Animal Crossing Mayor Could Be A Sexual Predator
I *facepalmed* at this. I own all the AC games and I'm no damn pedophile.

Ugh, my already low IQ just dropped several points after reading this.
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BubbleF**kingBuddy
03/17/09

@Ashkihyena:

"There is no reason an adult should have this game," says Andy Anderson, Mid-Missouri Internet Crimes Task Force.

You sure got told.
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Ashkihyena
03/17/09

@CoralineF**kingJones: You're right, I'm going to hope on AC right now and look for me some children I am.
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Gossy... Fortune and Glory
03/17/09

@Ashkihyena: yea, kotaku should introduce a "bloody-minded ignorance" tag.
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BubbleF**kingBuddy
03/17/09

@Ashkihyena: Although, I do recall running into a lot of kids while playing AC. This just makes me feel weird.
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RidleyTJN
03/17/09

@Ashkihyena:

It actually *hurts my face* to read this article. My brow furrows to inhuman depths otherwise impossible without this kind of idiotic stimuli. I own all 3 Animal Crossings, I'm 28. The youngest person I know who plays it is my brother at 19.

To characterize anyone not a child who plays this game as a sexual predator is completely ridiculous. It also goes against Nintendo's own MO as creating games for *everyone*. Nintendo WANTS old people and young people to play this game. One could get a concussion from the facepalm earned after reading this.
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WFROSE
03/17/09

@Gossy loves yo' mamma's flapjacks: Um, but it does say 'Mainstream media'...
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Netnavi
03/17/09

I guess we should stop playing AC because the TV told us not to. And if we are caught playing AC now, we are in suspect to arrest. Gee thanks media for saving us from the scary pedophiles. Now I can throw out my copy of AC!

Also: I see no reason why children would play M rated games. They must be adultaphiles. Send them to jail too!
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vid3oman64
03/17/09

In reply to Mainstream Media: Animal Crossing Mayor Could Be A Sexual Predator
that crazy nook

who you think brought out miley cyrus?
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doubtful
03/17/09

@vid3oman64:

who you think brought out miley cyrus?

I always thought it was her dad who was exploiting her.
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Gossy... Fortune and Glory
03/17/09

@doubtful: don't say that, you'll break his heart. His achey breaky heart.
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