Nintendo's weekly announcement of new content for WiiWare and the Virtual console today came complete with news of a "fun surprise" that they weren't ready to reveal yet. Great! To make matters worse, they then go on to tease us for an entire paragraph.

We can't tell you the secret just yet but maybe we'll offer you some hidden clues. From AZ to NC, if you're a fan, your applause could rattle your walls, windows, door. You might enjoy this news whether you live in a brick house or Vanderbilt dorm. Even people living along Route 286 in rural Pennsylvania ought to be excited. It'll feel like a bunch of birthday greetings and, really, who could ask for more? But that's about all we can say for now, so be sure to check future Wii-kly Updates.

So what the hell does that mean? Could the clue lie in the abbreviations? Something about fans? Why is door a singular while windows and walls aren't? And what's this about Route 286? Looking it up on the internet I discovered that Route 296 encompasses Golden Mile Highway, Saltsburg Road, Washington Street, Salt Street, Main Street, Oakland Avenue, Philadelphia Street, and Franklin Street. Does this mean anything, or am I barking up the wrong tree?

If you find the whole thing too frustrating, at least there's two shooters available this week to help let off some steam. Check out the official descriptions for Life Force and Evasive Space below, while I slowly go insane.

Evasive Space™ (Yukes Company of America, 1-4 players, Rated E for Everyone – Mild Fantasy Violence, 1,000 Wii Points): Launch a one-of-a-kind mission to rescue the stars. The universe is going dark, and it's up to you, Konki the Stellar Guardian, to set things right. Dr. Dark Matter and his roving band of space thieves have stolen many of the Constellation Stones that make up the heavens. It's time to suit up, power up, recover the Stones and once again bring light to the night sky. Using the Wii Remote™ controller's unique pointer capabilities, simply point and thrust Konki through 20 dangerous time- and collection-based missions in the harshest of environments. Navigate through narrow, mazelike astral caves riddled with space worms, steam pipes and mining drills. Explore vast space stations while avoiding turret fire, mines and huge crushing gears. Weave through cluttered asteroid fields and gaseous planetary rings. Evade the hazards, pick up precious items and ship upgrades, and save the Constellation Stones before the night sky is lost forever.

Life Force (NES, 1-2 players, Rated E for Everyone – Mild Fantasy Violence, 500 Wii Points): This classic shooter, originally ported to the NES in August 1988, is a spin-off of the seminal Gradius series. Pilot the Vic Viper through six stages of intense action, alternating between horizontally and vertically scrolling environments, and take on wave after wave of enemies. Destroy particular enemies throughout the game (which takes place within the body of an enormous alien) to release power-up capsules and equip your ship with your choice of more powerful weapons, extra speed and shields. Utilize the power-ups carefully, though, as a fearsome guardian lurks at the end of each stage and won't be easily defeated. You can go it alone or bring along a friend to take on the challenge simultaneously. Do you have what it takes to save your planet?

For all the times that Sega has screwed up, at the end of the day, the company still made the Dreamcast. And for that, almost everything, save for the Sonic human kissing, can be forgiven. Recent follies aside, Sega will supposedly be back with an announcement that will surprise everyone. In a good way, we hope!

Apparently, Sega Managing Director Hideki Okamura said the company plans to release a big title in Japan before the year's end. No specifics like game or platform has been given. So, Kotakuites, get to speculating! Brian Ashcraft

New Sega Shocker [Sega Nerds]

I was nosing around my copy of the God of War II Colossus Battle Demo disc after beating the shortish demo and noticed that they had Treasures listed under options on the main menu.

X-ing through I found it was a list of what I believe are the unlockables for the full version of the game, at least that's the only thing that makes sense since you need to beat the game or do other things that would be impossible on the demo to unlock them.

Hit the jump for the full list, including the description of the seven unlockable costumes.

Treasures
Hall of Titans: Seven rooms, seven challenges. Beat the game to unlock.
Arena of Fates: Control your own destiny and wage combat on your own terms. Achieve Titan rank in challenge mode.
Titan Mode: Beat the game to unlock.
Urns of Power: Collect precious urns and wield ultimate power. Beat the game to unlock.

Costumes
One: Kratos' life has always been an upstream battle.
Two: I always wondered what they did with the body.
Three: The path to revenge is a dark one.
Four: Why be a god when you can be a goddess.
Five: Classics never go out of style.
Six: The only thing that haunts a ghost is his past.
Seven: You worked so hard the first time, it would be a shame to let it go to waste.

Movies
High Res: Watch all of the cut-scenes in high resolution.
Story: Watch the cut-scenes chronologically.

Bonus DVD Content
Tech Art Pipeline
Orchestra
Voices of God of War II
Level Art Concepts
Creature Concept Art
First Play Test
First Halloween Party
Press Event
Tutorial
Boss Character Concept Art
Combat System
Animation
Cinematics
Kratos Concept to Completion
Concept Art
Cut Levels
Level Art Design

Alright, get to guessing what exactly those costumes are. Here's hoping the first one is Kratos as a carp... or salmon. Brian Crecente

Just because Eliza and Florian are gone does not mean that we have abandoned our love for a good crafts. Much like them I love to sit down with a nice cup of Earl Grey tea and peruse the internet looking for grandma style video game crafts to amuse myself. Well, I needed to look no further than my email this morning for this little piece of Zelda inspired handy work.

I made this for my brother as a xmas present. He always liked the good moblins that gave you money when we played Legend of Zelda as kids. NES sprites work well as cross stitch. They're surprisingly time-consuming to make though. I've spent several days worth of free time stitching this guy. I think it's worth it, however.

Oh yeah, did I mention a guy made this? Way to go, man! Don't let those old fashioned social moire's keep you from enjoying your crafts! Cross Stitch: It's not just for old ladies anymore! Flynn De Marco

The Legend of Zelda, the cross stitch [Sorrytown, USA]

I'm starting to think that Nintendo isn't going to send Wiis to any stores for sale. Instead they're going to follow their marketing strategy and let people buy empty boxes and then send them a little piece of the console every week for three years.

In the latest bit of death by PR, GamePro has confirmed that Nintendo isn't finished telling us about the Wii. No, they still have anywhere from a "big Wii revelation" to a "couple of other surprises" to spring on us before the console is in our hot little hands.

The question is when, exactly, will they be doing the springing? I mean, in less than three weeks I can just walk into a store and figure out the surprises all on my own.

More importantly what will the surprises to revelation be? My money is on the Wii in fact being one of the horsemen of the apocalypse, maybe the third. That when millions of gamers the world over pry open the white lid of their Wii boxes, they will spark Armageddon and the end of days. Just in case, I plan to open my Wii box with a frying pan in hand. Smack that little bastard on the head if it tries anything funny. Brian Crecente

Expect to hear some kinda interesting news about a very interesting upcoming console at 12:01 a.m. EST Friday. The embargoed news was sent out to a bunch of newspapers and websites with the understanding that no one would print the information until first thing in the morning.

While I'm sure you will all find it endlessly fascinating, in the end it really won't get you any closer to the news most people want to know.

Make sure to head back to Kotaku one minute into tomorrow to read the details and see a wee bit of analysis. Brian Crecente

It sounds like A Squared Group, the viral marketing group tasked with finding the players, has been busy as of late. Two people have contacted us to let us know they have been selected as hosts for their respective cities. So far we know that Los Angeles, Austin, Chicago and Denver will be on the list.

A Chicago reader wrote to say that his party will be on Friday, Oct. 13 and that he and his friends will be bussed "rave style" to a secret location to play games and have fun.

Hmmm, October 13. Does that make a late October launch more or less likely, do you think?

Feel free to contact us if you're a Wii Host and have more details. Wii is coming. Be prepared. Brian Crecente

Update: Despite what the headline used to say and what I wrote, my sources are telling me that the tour is going to actually start in mid-September in L.A.

Wiiflap enthusiasts, let loose your most raucous rattles of delight: a new Wiister Egg of a flap has been spotted in a Spanish Wii forum. Says Joystiq:

A member of the Spanish gaming forum Canal Nintendo has posted an image that appears to feature another mystery port located near the bottom of the left side of Wii.

Speculation about the new port includes DS slot, SD memory slot, Fleshlight Rumblepak peripheral compatibility, and Juicy Fruit dispenser. Eliza gauger

Another Wii mystery port spotted [Joystiq]
Month-old forum post on the same topic [WarpPipe]

Eric Caoili unveils a cool new mode for those gamers out there who have beaten New Super Mario Bros, which is likely anyone who owns it.

Adter beating the game you just have to hit Start in the world map and enter the following code:

LRLRXXYY

The challenge mode puts a forced scroll on all of the levels, so no back-tracking. Hmmmm, I wonder what happens if you beat the game in that mode? Brian Crecente

New Super Mario Bros Challenge Mode [4CR]