We were in Tokyo. We were at an arcade.

He wielded a blue, plastic gun. I used a pink one.

We were playing House of the Dead EX, which is the only light-gun game I've ever seen that was made for a couple — assumedly a manly man and a girly girl — out on a date. I am sure that either Brian Crecente or Brian Ashcraft filmed us playing EX, but the footage has magically gone missing. It's a scandal.

I am reduced, as a result, to painting you a word picture. Imagine McWhertor and me standing in front of an arcade cabinet with the gender-coded guns. As the player standing on the left with the blue gun, McWhertor got to control the shooting-based activities of a burly Frankenstein kind of monster. I was more of a zombie waif. We pointed our light guns at the screen, each got a foot near the pedals at the unit's base, and pulled the triggers to begin.

Kotaku had reported the existence of House of the Dead EX back in July of 2008. But we weren't able to experience its interactive combination of horror and romance until our 2009 Tokyo trip. In no time, McWhertor and I discovered that EX is an easy but skewed House of the Dead game. Horror isn't conventional in this game. Monsters will shamble toward you and need to be shot, but how well would your date go if you died quickly and there wasn't an apple-picking side-challenge?

Imagine our heroes running left and right across the screen as McWhertor and I shoot apples, hoping the apples will drop into the baskets. Romantic, right? As he scored points, a blue hand stretched from his side of the screen to mine. My points extended a pink hand to the left, until the hands were clasped in heart-shaped emotion.

In a later level, we had to use our light guns to repeatedly hammer a door shut so that monsters wouldn't get us. We had to shoot the rotting teeth of a giant monster boss running in our direction. We had to hop across a river and accelerate a car across the highway without bumping into the spiked bumpers of the cars in front and in back of our heroes' autos (foot on the pedal; foot off the pedal).

We had to use our gun to shine a spotlight on two rock stars to keep their concert going. You don't beam said spotlight. You keep firing away as they keep rocking out.

The game was easy. We smoothly played through multiple branching stages, cycling from starting point to third-level boss battle twice in about 10 minutes.

Were Mike and I single and so inclined, would we have found romance playing this game? Perhaps if the one-of-these-people-in-the-couple-won't-be-a-gamer difficulty level could enable just the right amount of nervous laughter and awkward fumbling. Perhaps if the thrill of repeatedly stamping our feet on the pedals and pulling the trigger raised our body temperatures.

My suggestion: They should include a requirement for trading light-guns. To force some awkward, accidental touching of hands.

I have no idea if this game is available in the U.S. or anywhere else outside of the arcade we found it in, but I believe it would not help you. And you'd be done playing it after one session.

Let me apologize again for the lack of video for the first ever Kotaku simulated date. But! Some other people have played the game and immortalized it on YouTube:

Romance!

PICS

Dimmujed, the groom-elect, uploaded that video yesterday, then went into the LittleBigWorkshop forums this morning to announce the happy news that he and his betrothed, Andrea, are to be wed in April.

Remember the level I made where I got engaged with a LittleBigPlanet level? Well now I made a level inviting you all to our wedding in LBP! We are going to have the actual ceremony inside of little big planet with a level on April 11th.

You will be able to check out the level online, and the ceremony on a video come April 11th.

And then the community had this tender, heartfelt reaction to Dimmujed's joyful news.

"Wat."

Congrats to Jed and Andrea. I just hope the hyperactive Sony mods take the day off, or don't find any reason to take down their matrimonial level. Because that would be so ironic, like rain on your wedding day.

Love is in the Air: LittleBigPlanet Wedding Announced [LittleBigPlanetoid]

The actual proposal bit comes surprisingly early on - the guy can't resist tearing around the hearts and flowers-themed level racking up a (possibly symbolic) high score.

Not shown - her elaborate Unreal Tournament mod explaining that she isn't sure if she is ready for that level of commitment and would like some time on her own to think.

There's a more or less constant trickle of mainstream articles discussing people 'finding love in all the wrong places' — but Tom Francis has a hilarious look at his attempts to play the dating game in MMOs. He tracks his progress in EVE Online, WoW and City of Heroes. The CoH section is my personal favorite, featuring Francis' trenchcoated character, 'Manley Power,' whose bio page read "Power's two favourite things are commitment and changing himself.":

Although some of the female gamers I know only play sexy characters, all of them object to luridly over-sexualised body shapes. This did not seem like the sort of physiology a real woman would choose.

Still, I invited her to do a mission with me. She accepted and suggested I take the lead. Manley Power approved. I didn't want to spring the obvious question too soon, as it'd be a shame to creep her out if my intuition was wrong. But after skewering most of the goons in the warehouse together, an easy way to broach it occurred: "So, from the sheer size of your character's breasts, I'm guessing you're male in real life?" At exactly the same time, a speech bubble appeared over her own head: "lets go out."

Wait, what? Is Manley Power that attractive that she'd instantly ask his player out? Or was she referring to some sort of cyber-relationship? God, maybe she was male and still wanted to hook up in-game. I should have known when I found myself warming to my creation: I'd made him too pretty. I'd created a manly monster. Hang on, she probably means the warehouse. We've finished, we can leave now. "Yeah, im male lol" Correction, he probably means the warehouse.

It's a clever and funny look at the intricacies of introductions in MMOs - and a hell of a lot more fun to read than an article on some guy who left his real-life wife for a Second Life vixen.

The Dating Game [ComputerAndVideoGames.com via Rock, Paper, Shotgun]

I want a guy who looks like link. from the game. I thought to myself that I might as well be honest. I look like zelda, so why not ask for it? who knows.. I know theres a guy like that. So if you think you look like link, the blonde skater cut, and light eyes look email me. Im a simple chick who loves zelda. I know thats a corney one to ask but heck we might as well be honest as to what we like? am I right? I want a guy like that and a guy who is romantic and believes in chilvary, love, old school ways, and doesnt have a problem with european culture. Thanks a bunch!!! If I like you, and you have a pic, ill email you back. PS I WILL NOT RESPOND to guys without FACE SHOTS. period. Thankyou for understanding. Im not a body chick. more a face and Please only guys 30 and below. And please do not email me rude comments... this world has too many jerks and I delete them and report to the authorities. Its extreme I know But please have respect.

The magic of The Sims is that you are both in control and not in control. You can live out your fantasies, imprinting on these fictional characters, deciding what they'll do next, but you can't be sure if it'll all turn out okay. In the moment between ordering a Sim to kiss and seeing the response... that's where the erotic sparks. It's not the animation that's the pay-off - but that you were accepted, the seduction worked, they wanted you after all. And it's not that you've kissed someone, but you know who that person is due to having spent so much time in their simulated company. The Sims is sexy because it creates a complete naturalistic context for it to occur in.

The idea that video games are 'most enthralling when you're least in control' is an interesting one (the author points to the horror games, where the fumbling during the learning curve makes everything that much more terrifying and immersive) - and unlike career choices or bricking your Sim up in a room to die in a puddle of filth from starvation, romantic aspects of the Sims remain one area at least partially out of the player's control. It's an interesting theory, and one I'm willing to buy into at least partially.

ErotiSim: Sex and The Sims [Rock, Paper, Shotgun]

San Jose will be the first place to hold this year's Play!, a "video game symphony", complete with full orchestra and visuals. This two-hour concert is performed by the Symphony Silicon Valley Chorale (fancy word for "choir") and has a playlist that includes music from Final Fantasy, Castlevania, Metal Gear Solid, The Legend Of Zelda, Super Mario Bros., World Of Warcraft, Sonic The Hedgehog, Shenmue. Even though it's part of a world tour, the only date that has been set is in San Jose.

Come on fellas, you know us gals like it when you take "the initiative". Kim Phu

Play! Video Game Symphony Hits San Jose [Wired Game|Life]

-The barrel is upended, Romance of the Three Kingdoms IV drops out. Someone prods it with the toe of their shoe.-

So yes, all Wii are getting this week for the VC update is Koei's fourth entry in its venerable Romance of the Three Kingdoms series, Wall of Fire for the Super Nintendo. Experience all the fun and frivolity of bringing about the reunification of ancient China. One of the better games in the series, though if you are really interested in the setting I'd suggest you pick up IX for the PS2 instead of spending the 800 points here.

And that's all she wrote. Just one healthy dose of classic strategy gaming. Perhaps they're holding off to make room for the new games Sega announced, or maybe - just maybe someone at Nintendo is reading this right now with a shocked look on their face, wondering who tipped us off about the whole barrel thing. Michael Fahey

WII-KLY UPDATE: NEW CLASSIC GAME ANNOUNCED FOR WII SHOP CHANNEL

March 26, 2007

Today Nintendo adds a classic Super NES game to the popular Wii video game system's Wii Shop Channel. The game goes live at 9 a.m. Pacific time. Nintendo adds new games to the channel every Monday. Wii owners with a high-speed Internet connection can redeem Wii Points to download the games. Wii Points can be purchased in the Wii Shop Channel or at retail outlets. This week's new game is:

Romance of the Three Kingdoms IV: Wall of Fire (Super NES, 1-8 players, 800 Wii Points): Romance of the Three Kingdoms IV is a tactical simulation game in which the player takes the role of a ruler seeking to unite China in the era of the three kingdoms of Wei, Wu and Shu. The role of the ruler is to command a range of officers with differing characteristics - some cunning strategists, others brave warriors - and strengthen the military might of his or her kingdom. Foreign policy, involving forming alliances with certain kingdoms and hatching plans to weaken others, will play a major role in this process. Once players have developed a powerful enough military, it will be time to expand their borders through military conquest. Ultimate victory will only be achieved once all 43 cities in China lie within a player's control.

For more information about Wii, please visit wii.com.

Aw. This really does squeeze a single drop of the ichor of love out of my cold, black, dead heart. Okay, Zack's a dork, but his Guild Wars Valentine's Day message at least takes dork love to an unmatched extreme. Florian Eckhardt

Gamer love doesn't merely cuddle close to the homerotic. After we posted the tattoo of a Hot Topic employee's Luigi tattoo and explained that it was a testament to his passion for his best friend (their love ripped asunder by different college acceptance letters), Kotakuite David S. wrote us:

My wife, Erin, and I got married on April 23rd this year. I"m a huge gamer, and she actually reviews games for a living! (yeah, I know, it's really sweet). For our evening party, rather than a dance or something humiliating like that, we went to Dave & Buster's for our after-party to celebrate that night with our friends. So we could be seen, we made these really nifty t-shirts. I'm the one on the left, if you didn't figure that one out. :p

Too bad. The one on the right is rub-a-dub-dub. Anyway, nothing says 'hep couple' like a husband and wife dressed in matching t-shirts. And when those t-shirts are gaming themed? Le Mario Juste! Florian Eckhardt

Aaron Stilton, intrepid Lothario and part-time ROM hacker, hacked apart Super Mario World to be a 16 bit mash note to his girlfriend. He wrote elaborate love messages in gold coins across World 1, hinting that a limo would pick her up at 7:00pm and that she should wear her sultriest pair of underpants. At 7:00pm, a limo did indeed pick her up, whisking her and Aaron away on a romantic date to see...

... the utterly, categorically terrible Da Vinci Code.

Scornful ellipsis. Astounded aposiopesis! Aaron, what the hell is wrong with you, man?

Okay, it could have been worse. He could have taken her to see Irreversible instead. But way to squander some excellent execution there, Aaron! FLORIAN ECKHARDT

Using Mario to Create the Perfect Date [About.com]

In Spend the Night, players would have congregated virtual social lounges, desperately trying to catch the attention of some polygonal babe. Once a babe was procured, the couple would gravitate to a private room, where they would fool around until — at the highest moment of passion — the girl would whisper in her lover's ear, "LOLZ! I'M A D00D, U FAG."

Alas, Babylon. Republik just couldn't get the money together to make Spend the Night a reality.

Coitus Interruptus [Next Generation]

First, the professor is a woman. I appologize for the assumption that the professor was a man. But Professor Nina Beth Huntemann sounds a little defensive in her email and I don't buy the whole "I have to start somewhere" argument. I can't see why she can't just a general call for people who are romantically involved with a gamer.

It sounds like I'm not the only one making gender assumptions.

The full email is after the jump:

Hello Brian,

In response to Kotaku's post today about my research, I would like to clarify two things. One, I'm a woman. Yes, believe it or not, female professors do exist. Not only that, I'm a gamer. I know, it is hard to believe there are women play games and have PhDs.

And two, my field is media studies. This research project is serious, though my tone in the Craig's List post was informal. I've also been asked why I am studying only wives and girlfriends. I'm not. I will also conduct similar group interviews with guy gamer widows, but I have to start somewhere. Only so many interviews I can conduct at once.

I teach at Suffolk University in the Department of Communication and Journalism, if anyone should want to check me out.

Thanks,

Nina

A college professor in the Boston-area is looking for some wives and girlfriends of gamers (specifically MMORPG gamers) for a study he's working on. The prof is trying to figure out how loved ones put up with all the gaming. He wants to do group interviews in which he can "listen to 4-5 women talk/rant/bitch about life with a gamer." Bitch? Did a professor just use the word bitch? What exactly is this guy a professor of?

Wanted: Boston Area Gamer Wives and Girlfriends (for a study) [IGDA Sex]