So I went into the Rite Aid yesterday to buy two damn things: Soap, specifically Old Spice High Endurance Body Wash, and Early Times. This is the Rite Aid next to Capcom so fuck you, it's relevant. Now, in a drugstore, which would you expect to be more difficult to find? Oh, this ain't North Carolina where the government sells you your booze. Because alcohol is a drug, my friend, we get to sell it at pharmacies in California, along with other health-relevant products like Dora the Explorer backpacks. So the corn squeezins are front and damn well center at any establishment with the liquor license, because it sure as hell cost a lot for the privilege.

But soap, I searched like hell for that. It wasn't near the shampoo, the conditioner, the goddamn bubble bath (yes, they even have an aisle and a sign for that) nor the dish soap, dishwasher detergent, bleach, meth ingredients, fuckin' NOWHERE. So I gave up. And then, after waiting in line behind someone using food stamps and a co-signed Yahoo! Bill Pay check to buy taquitos — again, from a drugstore — the guy asks me "Did you find everything you were looking for?" Like I want to step out of line, go get it, come back and wait some more. What are you asking me for now? If I'm in line, that ship has SAILED.

Memo to Rite Aid's Vice President of Stock Room Engineering: Why is it so hard to just PUT SHIT ... that is like OTHER SHIT ... NEXT to THAT SHIT. Huh? Put the soap next to the shampoo next to the other crap that gets me clean, because they're all interchangeable parts. I've washed my hair with Palmolive, I ain't proud. Put the toilet paper next to the paper napkins next to the paper towels, because when I run out of asswipe, I'm using the napkins, and when I run out of those, it's on to Brawny. And it works in reverse too. Yeah, I've served sandwiches on Angel Soft, fuck you. Put the mayonnaise next to the mustard next to the ketchup. Don't put it next to salad dressing because, although technically it is, when was the last time you were at the Olive Garden and you asked the server for the salad dressing options and then said, "I'll have a big ole wad of Hellman's." Which, I should clarify, is the East Coast version of Best Foods. You see, there's an east coast-west coast division of condiments in America, apparently. Biggie: Hellman's. Tupac: Best Foods. It's like a big rap war. With mayonnaise.

Can we splice this with Consumerist? Where was I? Oh yeah, the highlights:

Parents Let Kid Drop Out of High School to Focus on Guitar Hero
Button Mashing Has Its Virtues
Forgive Dad, He Knows Not What He Does
A Gallery of Madden Glitch Goodness
'What I Learned From Not Playing Civilization'
The 'Narrative' Straw Man: We're Not Doing That Badly
China's Gaming Market Going Up, Up, Up

• resents the hell out of all achievements and is parodying achievement whores OR

• knows that cynical motives on behalf of Microsoft and the developers are the reason for game achievements. But he can't help himself from collecting all of them or

• agrees completely with and loves the concept of achievements.

I think it's between 1 and 2. And for myself, I'm between 2 and 3. I look on it this way, when you get a game that you really, really enjoy, the achievements show that you got your money's worth. Hokey, I know, but for those titles that don't have a 100 percent-completion model (and for some that do) the achievements can add another reason to keep on enjoying it.

Why Achievements are Awesome {TeamTeaBag]

Also, you can get that bumper sticker via CafePress

For various reasons I got up very early this morning, and decided to poke around on the PlayStation 3 for a little bit. Download a trailer or something. I power up the system and drat, system update. Ah well, I get that started and switch over to my Wii, figuring I would take Ecco the Dolphin out for a spin. I head for the Shop Channel, and there it is again. System update. With a sigh I get that going. No problem. I downloaded a show on my 360 the other day, I'll just go watch that. Let's just say I am glad the 360 controller is sturdier than my wall. It's a system update hat trick!

One of the reasons I loved console gaming was the plug and play aspect. No installing, no updates. Just plug in the cart, boot up the cd, and you're in. That has all changed now, as every next gen system now has some sort of update feature we have to suffer through before we can play. This is the future of console gaming?

It's not just the systems either. Now the games themselves are getting patched on the fly, something you normally wouldn't see happening outside of PC gaming. While trying to play Call of Duty 3 on the PS3 the other day I had to download a 4 part patch before I could even get to the point where it told me I couldn't connect to a multiplayer match. I doubt anyone who owns a 360 hasn't seen the whole "An update is required to play this game" message pop up at least once.

On the plus side, system and game updates do allow for enhanced functionality, bonus content, and new features to be added. Unfortunately, as any PC gamer will attest, it also allows for lazy programming, poor QA testing, and rushed software. On last gen consoles, with the possible exception of the Xbox, when you released a game that was it. You had to make damn sure your title worked perfectly or suffer the fate of Enter the Matrix or Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness. Now you can send games out with large flaws, secure in the knowledge that salvation is just a patch away. Some see this as a good thing, but I would much rather have a fully functioning game from the get go.

For years, PC gamers and console gamers have fought over which is the superior gaming platform. Now the lines between the two are blurring more and more each day. 360 core owners have already experienced the need for hardware upgrades, with certain games requiring the hard drive to play, effectively removing the comfort of being able to buy a game and know for sure you can run it. Now the patch issue is moot, since they occur regularly across all three next gen systems. Soon the only thing console gamers will have to hold onto is their couch, which is where I am heading right now to see if my system updates are done. Michael Fahey

Here's an issue that's been nagging me since I got my PlayStation 3 on Friday. I'm playing Resistance online, and suddenly the map will come up, or the score. I didn't hit the controls to bring these up...they just pop up on their own. Then at times I'll lose control, spin around, or sometimes even fire without wanting to. At first I thought it might be my general suckage at FPS games, but several readers have now complained about similar situations. Doesn't seem to happen when I am plugged in via the USB cable...only when I am wireless, and generally only when I am playing online.

PC-Doc touches on the same issue in his PS3 rant, suggesting it is a problem with the bluetooth screwing up, which makes complete sense. Will I have to just buy a really long USB cable like he did?

Now that eBay is delivering more PS3's into players' hands, is anyone else running into this issue? If so I fully plan on using it as an excuse for my low Resistance rank. If you accidentally get team killed by Fahey, remember it's all Sony's fault. Michael Fahey

PS3 WTF? [PC-Doc]