Some eye-opening (and - for the irony-deficient - pranked) reviews for Pittsburgh's real Mercy Hospital started popping up a couple weeks back on Citysearch, beginning with "FrancisSilverman" under the heading, "I hate hospitals!"

You know what I don't hate? I don't hate vests.
• Pros: I hate doctors!
• Cons: I'm getting tired of these damn vampires!

"WilliamOverbeck" followed with another one-star rating; "We blasted our way through hordes of zombies that had their rotten asses hanging out of the hospital gowns, only to find a zombie helicopter pilot on the roof!" And "LouisLuvsCounterStrikeNPillz" gave it a 2-star rating summarized with "awful. ...

"WHY THE HELL WERE THERE GUNS, MOLTOVS, PILLS, AND PIPEBOMBS IN A FREAKING HOSPITAL!!!!!" Louis complained. "SERIOUSLY DO YOU EXPECT YOUR CUSTOMERS TO KILL THEMSELVES?"

And it's not a party for the zombies, either. HunterPunter today called Mercy Hospital "a bad place ..."

This place was evil! I was just chilling here with by Smoker buddies then all of a sudden a bunch of surviving humans try to blow us to bits. I am NEVER coming here again...
• Pros: great place to chill after a zombie apocalypse
• Cons: survivors....

Perhaps the most comprehensive description of Mercy Hospital's infected awfulness comes from "Toshinden":

I went to this hospital to have my chronic headaches treated or at least diagnosed. Upon entering, I asked the receptionist for some help. Instead, she lept over the counter and started clawing at me. But there just happen to be some guns on the seats. I sadly had to kill her in self defense. Knowing the cops were soon to follow, I proceeded to go up. I wasn't thinking, just going up. On the way up, I had faced many disgruntled patients and workers. One patient was polite enough to vomit all over me. While I was blinded, his posse (i am assuming he is a gang leader of sorts) started running at me and beating me. After successfully escaping, my headaches have only gotten worse. After consuming large amounts of pills, I stumbled my way onto the roof, where a man possibly being treated for a steroid overdose was waiting for me. After tossing me off the building, I almost lost my life. I was thankfully recovered by some strange African American man claiming to have his pills. I am home safe now. But no amount of pills and medpacks will cure my emotional and physical pain.

• Pros: The pills were here.
• Cons: So was the tank.

At publication time, UPMC Mercy Hospital of Pittsburgh, a real health care facility, "the first hospital in Pittsburgh and the first Mercy Hospital in the world," with a record of care going back to 1847, has 10 one-star ratings out of 12 overall on Citysearch, thanks to Left 4 Dead.

Mercy Hospital, Pittsburgh, PA 15219 [Citysearch, thanks to Ryuji, who wins the weekend with this tip]

I totally would have cannonballed into that pile.

SEGA's Office Pranks [YouTube, big hat tip thanks to Nightwheel]

Posting on Craigslist in Aruba, Little Sis writes that she doesn't have any Adam in her - but she sure would like to!!! wink nudge thats-what-she-said rimshot.

Hi guys!!! I just turned 18 and I'm looking for a hunk to bring me Rapture! No fatties! I want a musculer guy with a big "drill" (*winkwink*) who knows his way around the bedroom. I'm up for anything (except water sports — ewww!). Teach me please!!! ;)

And the IRL reply:

u for real? 30+ experienced/mature big stick for you...you local on aruba??

You can also see Mario, who straight up says he's from the Mushroom Kingdom, get a rise out of a Texas dude, and Snake gets a spambot reply. Leon S. Kennedy from Resident Evil 4 has by far the most titillating response. Another grand memorial to the power of the Internet to connect the desperate and horny.

Personals from Video Game Characters [Asylum via GoNintendo]

First, the story: According to Creative Loafing Atlanta's bizarre cop report roundup, a woman at the Chastain Square Shopping Center went to take out the garbage and noticed the box, which appeared full of bloody clothes. The po-po was called to the scene and, after a quick investigation, determined that the blood was some sort of syrupy concoction, and it was accompanied by a Chinese take-out box containing a fake hand. From the cop's write-up:

It appeared that someone may have used the items to advertise a game of some sort. The reason for this assumption is because I also found a Chinese to-go box with a bloody fake hand inside. On the box, it advertised a game called ‘Grand Theft Auto in China.'

And now, the rest of the story. Or what's claimed by our tipster, whose name I'm withholding because this person also claims to work at a GameStop. And while I doubt anything remotely resembling a crime was committed here, who knows if they could get in trouble for this.

According to the tipster, their store had made "five gallons of fake blood to use for our costumes and fill a couple of pinatas" for a Resident Evil 5 launch event. Figuring it'd be difficult getting rid of bloody clothes and severed body parts, however fake, without arousing suspicion, they decided to put "a nearby store" up to it as a gag (I'm assuming another GameStop, but it wasn't specified). So they sent them the box and wished them luck throwing it away without freaking people out. It looks like someone obliged the pranksters by setting it on the ground next to a Dumpster instead of throwing it inside. Bingo, CSI was called to the scene.

What I want to know is, what the hell was anyone doing dumping fake syrupy blood into a pinata? Isn't a pinata kind of papery? And porous? And bashed open with a broomstick? Sounds about as fun as Big Red from Saturday Night Live.

Bizarre Crimes from Atlanta Police Reports [Creative Loafing Atlanta]

As you can see, these ads were still active on the S.F. Bay craigslist as of 1 pm Crecente time. Here they are commingled with other lonely (and creepy) hearts seeking some nsa companionship.

Hmmm ... that one with the long tongue sounds ... tantalizing ... doesn't it? Go ahead. Hit him/her/it up. You know you want to, baby.

OK, you know what's really disturbing? SOMEONE ACTUALLY REPLIED TO THAT.

Gah. That guy'll probably flake once he sees me.

Answer: "99100 percent sure it is not." This kind of thing would have to go through Capcom HQ in Tokyo, and assuming the suits there could be convinced of such an idea, the fact it's also illegal would probably prevent it from even getting to that stage.

In a nutshell, last week some wit hacked into a roadside construction sign and programmed it to say "Caution! Zombies Ahead!" and advise motorists to seek cold climates. Funny, except this person broke a lock and then changed the password so that the sign kept cycling, requiring the manufacturer to reset it. That's vandalism, and the po-po ain't laughing.

Considering back in 2007 some viral marketers made the Boston cops and Homeland Security crap their britches over a couple Mooninites rendered in Lite Brite, I'd say any viral marketing that comes close to violating a law, even a class C misdemeanor, definitely wouldn't have any corporation's seal of approval on it. That said, I'm sure Capcom is appreciative of the residual publicity.

Besides, who's to say the zombies aren't in fact real. Midway did close a studio there.

Caution: Zombies Ahead [Poshdeluxe]
Austin Road Sign Warns Motorists of Zombies [Dallas Morning News]

Nintendo DS development kit? Wrapped. Master Chief helmet? Wrapped. Destroy All Humans figurine? Wrapped. Even the poor man's Elite Beat Agents poster rests beneath a layer of packing paper.

5th Celler Liz notes "When he got back, he just gave up and decided to unwrap what he needed to work. A week later and the games, action figures, and trash bin are still wrapped in paper." Developers, if you've submitted your resume to these savages recently, we'd suggest a speedy retraction.

In a letter to Sony's European office, translated into English by a UK: Resistance fan, the Gamerah staff explain the situation. And they do it quite nicely. An excerpt:

We hope you do not take this wrong. Having unhappy customers is still much better than having no customers at all. We just feel like broken-hearted, resentful lovers. Most of us have purchased all your consoles and we felt rather let down when the PS3 was finally launched in Europe.

I'm not exactly recommending that disgruntled PlayStation fans start firing off packages filled with plastic excrement (or, heaven forbid, real excrement) but this is how you complain. I assume that the box of PVC poo will ultimately be destroyed by the bomb squad robot far from every SCEE executive totally ignorant to its existance.

Oh yeah. There's video of the whole thing at Gamerah. Michael McWhertor

La caca: una crítica constructiva y coral hacia Sony [Gamerah via UK: Resistance]

The 1UP Show Blog [1UP.com]