But exactly is that? Lead Designer Steve explains, "Well, it was kind of weird and amusing when we had to cut all the female moans and screams out of Postal I for release in Britain due to sensitivity surrounding the tragic death of Princess Diana. Interestingly, we had problems with the pissing in Postal II in America. It seems that some consider it a "sex act". It's ironic because the only reason we put it in the game was to provide a method of putting yourself out when you caught on fire! ...We were so naive...

Peeing is a sex act in America when you're on fire? That's hot. No, really, it is.

Sandbox title Postal III is slated for the Xbox 360, PC, Mac and the PS3.

Interview for Postal III (PC) [UGDB] [Pic]

The folks at GOG have been quite busy since we last checked in with them, adding new games to the service left and right. The past month's additions include Earth 2150, Septerra Core, and several older Ubisoft titles. Now those more respectable offerings cower off to the side, hiding in the corner as Postal and Postal 2 make the scene. Postal Classic and Uncut is now available on the site for $5.99, with a downloadable manual, wallpapers, and avatars available as additional bonus content. Postal 2 and all of its expansions will be made available in the coming weeks. CD Projekt was so excited about the deal they even let Running With Scissors CEO Vince Desi speak.

"The folks at GOG.com know Kielbasa from Sausage and I love 'em both, so when I got their call I was like ‘let's do it'."

See, CD Projekt is a Polish company, and kielbasa is traditional Polish sausage...you know what? Nevermind.

What do buxom women in g-strings have to do with the infamous shooter? Got me, maybe it's like cosplay, but Running With Scissors founder Vince Desi loves em.

Now the Postal Babes have been turned into their own mobile game, which makes even less sense. Comparing the screens to the centerfolds, I think maybe they should have gone with a photo album instead.

Postal Babes [Running With Scissors]

TMZ notes that Tohn played Faith, a pistol-packing barista and the female lead in Uwe Boll's specturdular film adaptation of Postal this past summer. In her Idol audition, Jackie started off by singing "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz and, gratefully, Simon shut her down, demanding to hear her natural singing voice. So Jackie opened up her boozy, weatherbeaten Waffle House waitress pipes — and the window behind the judges collapsed. OK, that was a correlative relationship, not causative, but all four said why not and she moved on.

Next up, Heather Fox (acting credits include, literally, "Toilet Paper Eating Patient") overcomes her role as Rose Largo in Need for Speed: Undercover to advance on America's Got Talent.

"American Idol" Wannabe Goes Postal [TMZ, thanks Jason B.]
New York: Jackie Tohn — Memorable Auditions [American Idol]

But, he does seem awfully proud of the potential dishonors.

Emailing BollBashers.com, Boll says points out that he's sharing the nominee list with some pretty big names:

"that I'm this time also nominated as best supporting actor against stars like BEN KINGSLEY and PIERCE BROSNAN shows that my genius comes more and more into his peak stadium! all my three movies are nominated in different categories: IN THE NAME OF THE KING (what an epic masterpiece with tons of stars like jason statham), TUNNELRATS (against Tunnelrats Clint Eastwoods bullshit Letters of Imovio ..or what the fuck was the title of that movie …is an amateurclip of brainwashed patriots) and of course POSTAL (where Dave Foley dick is in a very nice shot –i created in inspiration of Jean Luc Gordards work in the sixties…you remember: the black and white stuff with jean paul belmondo…and Verne Troyer gets raped by 1000 monkeys (this was inspired by the later work of Gus van Sant .especially the work he is doing in his trailers…).!
I never won a razzie …but this year I'm sure that there is no way around Uwe Boll so that finally I get the award I deserve!"

You know, as much as I hate Boll's movies I remain fascinated by the man behind them. I wrote up a story a few years back for the Rocky about him. I spoke with Boll, Vince Desi, some of the others who have worked with him and what I came away with was the realization that while Boll sucks at making movies, he's really, really good at getting the money to make them.

Take for instance the comments from Gas Powered Games about In the Name of the King, given prior to the movie's disastrous release. It shows just how charismatic Boll must be.

Uwe Boll on Razzie Nominations [Boll Bashers]

According to Larry Carroll of the MTV Movie Blog, Boll appears four times on the 2008 Razzie ballot, with nominations for Worst Director, Worst Career Achievement, and two nominations for Worst Picture. Only one director in the history of film making could have two Worst Picture nominations in one year. That's our Uwe! Both Dungeon Siege and Postal are up for the not coveted award, facing off against the likes of The Happening, Meet Dave, and High School Musical 3.

There are worse movies and movie directors out there, but not this year. No, this is Uwe's time to shine. And should he lose...well, it takes a big man to lose the biggest loser competition.

2008 ‘Razzies’ Nominees Include Indy 4, Paris Hilton And Tom Cruise - How Would You Vote? [MTV Movie Blog - Thanks Jason!]

I will stop here before I start writing about totally overpaid agents, managers, agents, and studio executives in L.A. living in airballoons as long they can rip money out of the world outside of L.A. or the major companies. If I would run a studio I would do the same movies for half of the production costs in throwing the cokeheads out and cutting the bullshit of breakfast, lunch, and dinner meetings with idiots who never made a movie in their life. I can shoot a movie like Fantastic Four 2 in half of the time for half of the money shot by shot.

Boll breaks down the problems with the film industry and what he can do to help. (And no, it's not stop making movies. DAMMIT.)

• 20 years ago maybe three movies came out every week. Now 6 to 10.
• In earlier days you had 5 to 10 event movies per year. Now you have 40. And they destroy the medium movies. Not because they are good! Because they are so expensive and spending so much money in p&a to win their weekends and to win market share.
• In 1999 piracy maybe destroyed 5% of the revenues — now 40%. Why? Because tons of territories in Asia, Latin America, Eastern Europe are selling more pirated DVDs as legal DVDs. Illegal downloads taking 20% of theatrical and HV revenues of movies away everywhere. Legal downloads to rent or to own are not compensating anything ? people don't want to pay for downloads. A $1 billion gross in downloads means a loss of $9 billion in DVD sales.
• In TV are less and less spaces for films. Every channel is showing casting and reality shows: Superstar, Idol, Cooking, Handyman shows are invading the channels.

If you head does not hurt (and really, why not), read Boll's ways to fix-up Hollywood.

• It's proven that actors are totally overpaid. Some beach boys getting hyped up and absurd amounts paid for saying five lines per day and letting the stuntguys doing the hard work. If the studios would in general not pay more as max. $3 million for a star per movie — the stars would work for that money if nobody offers more. It's also absurd to pay medium names more as $250,000 per movie.
• Why not Pirates putting for 10 years in jail?
• Why SHOWTIME or HBO paying for independent movies $20,000 and for medium movies produced by the majors millions. TV channels must show more movies and pay also fair prices for independent product.
• Theaters must show also more trailers of smaller movies.
• TV and Radio channels must report more also about small movies.

Uwe Boll Explains Why "There Is No Money In Movies" [1up]

Running with Scissors just announced that his Postal film won not one, but two awards at the Hoboken International Film Festival. Boll took home $500 cash money for the best director award, beating out the directors of films like Crazy, Strange Girls, The Sensei and Flyboys. Oh, snap! Boll beat out D. Lee Inosanto!!!

Postal also was named the best of the festival despite showings of The Noogies, In The Eyes of a Killer, Predator’s Return and The Pack.

"When the fans speak, WE WIN,” said Vince Desi, the movies executive producer and founder of Running With Scissors. “We know this from our experience in the game industry and now the film business just confirms it. The continued success of the POSTAL franchise in all its forms is proof that democracy works; you cannot stop what’s in the hearts of the people. Freedom will always triumph over tyranny."

The New Jersey awards fly in the face of the movies mysterious box office opening when it hit 13 screens nationwide, and put a little salve on Boll's ego, bruised when hundreds walked from a free screening of the movie earlier this month... oh wait, that was at the same festival.

Approximately 200 theatergoers walked out of a free Postal screening in New Jersey last Friday. While Hoboken Mayor David Roberts refused to attend the screening, he stated that he did not like the film's 9/11-style attack gag and added that it was "too soon to mock a plane going into the World Trade Center." According to Boll:

Being politically correct, let's say, the big studios are kind of overdoing it... I feel it is time now to make a really wild movie, something over the top... We don't spare any group. We don't want to hurt anybody but we want to break the rules... We want to make people think: What is a taboo? We want to make people start thinking about their own boundaries and rules.

It's kind of curious of Mayor Roberts to say it's "too soon to mock a plane going into the World Trade Center". Does that mean eventually it will be okay to mock that? And if so, who will decide that? Rather subjective, no?

Postal Offends Some [NJ.com via Binge Gamer] [Pic]

Postal's Box Office mystery [The Cut Scene]

Interview with Uwe Boll [LoadingReadyRun Thanks everyone for sending this in!]

Directed by much-derided shlockmeister Uwe Boll, 'Postal' stars Zack Ward as a misfit who sets out to rob his local amusement park while getting mixed-up with a faction of the Taliban. Barely released in U.S. cinemas last year, the film grossed less than $5 million at the box office domestically.

To all of you writing now about me and the fact that POSTAL is not getting screens.its okay ..its fun kicking a guy nonstop who is on the ground you are all not getting it that i'm the guy who made it against the big hollywood system and you are all only busy to destroy me and finish me up and then you YOU WON WHAT ? the attention of the studios, michael bay .. ????? if you damage me you feel closer to Hollywood ? what is your game plan?

The Official Postal Movie Site [Official Site via GameSpot]

Theatrical distributors are boycotting Postal because of its political content. We were prepared to open on 1500 screens all across America on May 23rd. Any multiplex in the U.S. should have space for us, but they're afraid... We have even tried to buy a few screens in New York and Los Angeles, and they won't let us even rent the theaters! I urge independent exhibitors to contact us and book 'Postal'! Audiences have been expecting the film and I don't think exhibitors should censor what gets played in U.S. theaters.

Hi here's Uwe Boll, I'm very happy to say the fight is on. Boll Vs. Bay. It's a rumble in the jungle 2, it will be in Kinshasa, Zaire. I think September 30th will be the fight. Boll against Bay. He agreed to do it, I'm very proud of it. So if you want to be live there you need ten tickets from Postal opening May 23rd. You bring these tickets and this will be the entry to the boxing fight, Boll against Bay. Or you can buy tickets on eBay or wherever else you can buy it, of course also, but I think the cheapest way is with the Postal tickets. OK, so Michael Bay, start training and I think you will go down to be honest. I think round three or round four you will go down in history, not only for the worst war movie ever: Pearl Harbor, no, also for the worst boxer in the ring against Uwe Boll ever. Thank you.

Just spoke to Mike, and it's false. This guy is really creepy, he's creeping me out.

BTW, Michael has never spoken to him and won't speak to him. Mike has a movie to deliver for June 2009, unlike this idiot.

Boll doesn't deserve press for his lame movie, so this is the last we talk about him in these forums. This press stunt will tank.

I tracked down who's signing that petition, and these are like a few people, getting under different identities and things in the internet and signing it over and over again. The second thing is that I was able to find that actually Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg under various different identities posting ongoing that I should stop making movies, and I know why: They are afraid of the competition. What jealous internet nerds and wannabe filmmakers are signing that petition?

I find people who rant like that - calling shit about both me, and George Clooney - comes from someone screaming because he is not being heard. He is obviously a sad being. When you ask 'do I care?' Not in the slightest.

M

Other folks whose opinion carries no weight say that the movie is "the funniest film of the year" and will bring you to tears or the brink of incontinence. Even Postal developer Vince Desi says the film has been "sharpened" and I can't imagine he'd be anything but honest with us about the movie based on his game.

About another half-review is contained in the press release after the jump.

"POSTAL" Movie Campaign Delivers Raves in NY, Chicago"

Tucson, AZ: SRO advance screenings of Uwe Boll's "Postal" at New York's Tribeca Film Center on April 1 and April 3 in Chicago have created genuine buzz regarding the film's May 23rd rollout. The popular site Times Square Gossip, in a story entitled "Osama Bin Laden Goes time last night with Village People icon Randy Jones at the screening of 'Postal', the new movie based on the hit video game. This is a must see movie if you want to have some old time laughs. Scenes with Osama Bin Laden are so funny you are going to drop your popcorn..."

Times Square Gossip went on to attest: "'Postal' will take you back to all the laughs you had as a teen. I haven't seen a movie this funny since then, with the audience yelling and falling on the floor laughing."

Michael J. Hein, Director of The New York City City Horror Film Festival, declares: "'Postal' is the funniest film of the year...hands down!"

After the New York event, Uwe and Vince Desi, RWS's ringleader; took part in a no-holds-barred Q&A session with the audience. Packed houses in both New York and Chicago enjoyed the latest cut of the film. "The most recent edits have really sharpened the film," reports Big Apple-native Desi, who took a break from developing POSTAL III at Running With Scissors' Tucson headquarters.

Meanwhile, POSTAL fan Tara "Evilstara" Jarvis attended the Chicago sneak preview and wrote: "[My husband and] I laughed so hard I almost wet my pants and he had tears in his eyes. It was awesome!"

In shattered English, Boll says he hopes that someone, somewhere will start a pro-Uwe petition. Why? Here's why.

"I'm not a fucking retard like Michael Bay or other people running around in the business or Eli Roth making the same shitty movies over and over again," says Boll. "If you really look at my movies you will see my real genius you know, and if you go on May 23 on Postal you will see that I deliver a movie what nobody else delivered in the last 10 years, what is way better as all that social critic George Clooney bullshit what you get every fucking weekend."

Pretty infallible, but if it's not clear yet, Boll clearly illustrates that you're at fault, not him. "You have to really wake up and you have to see me what I am," he says. "I am the only genius in the whole fucking business. Goodbye."

Genius? And how! He's got a legion of anti-fans paying him more attention than ever as Postal approaches. I'm off to generate that pro-Boll petition, 'cause if Boll stops making movies, we're out a half-dozen posts a month. Oh, and sprinkle some [sic] around this post. It's all verbatim.

Postal [MovieSet]

Are you aware that there is a petition online, signed by 18,000 people, requesting that you stop making movies?
Yeah, I know that. 18,000 is not enough to convince me.

How many would it take?
One million. Now we have a new goal.