Microsoft commissioned a pretty serious poll up in the Great White North, asking Canadians all sorts of questions that sound like a Cosmo bedside astrologer survey, if "game" is used as a euphemism for "sex." Do you game at work? (30 percent). Do you game in the bedroom? (27 percent). The bathroom? (7 percent — WTF?!) In public? (19 percent). And yes, they asked who does it completely bare. The answer 17 percent of Canadian men, 9 percent of Canadian women.

What in the hell could possibly be the use of that information (other than giving bloggers a reason to post something about Microsoft?) The survey seems to include any kind of computer game in the nude question, so playing Minesweeper with your torpedo danglin' is the same as playing Mario Kart Wii nekkid as a jaybird.

Racking my brain, I am not sure that I have ever played a video game completely butt-ass naked. I've had phone conversations on the john, downloaded porn while wishing Grandma a Merry Christmas and other depraved shit, but I could always delay my urge to play Team Fortress 2 until I got a pair of droodies on, at least.

So, of course, this begs our own Kotaku poll. Tell us, have you ever played a game — and for purposes here, we're talking console, PC title, or handheld, but not Facebook games, solitaire or minesweeper — in the nude? Feel free to expand on your answer in the comments.

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Poll Finds Number of Canadians Playing Video Games Naked [Digital Home Canada, via The Tanooki]

Since majority of the video game players of the world are over 18, putting in some sex or just random nudity shouldn't be a problem. Don't we have a fully robust ESRB system where games are clearly marked as Mature or Adult only? I can see people just coming out of the woodworks to complain that there is nudity...but again isn't that why games are rated? What other purpose do the small letters in the corner of games boxes serve?

How great would it have been if in Rainbow Six: Vegas 2, the counter terrorist units storm a strip club? Just picture yourself peeking around a corner and having a huge pair of breasts running your way!

Or walking into the club and putting your thermal goggles on and seeing a guy catching a BJ in the back room while searching for terrorists.

My guess as to why there's not more nudity in games, aside from the negative aspects of a potential controversy, is that rendered nudity still doesn't look all the attractive.

Lack of Nudity in Video Games [Loot Ninja via N4G][image]

"If playing as a male character the scene can take place between him and a human woman or a humanoid female alien. If playing as a female character the scene can take place between her and a male human or a female humanoid alien."

Mass Effect to feature breast nudity [Pro-G - thanks p00pzilla!]

Reader Aaron sends word of a disturbing run-in he and his young nephew had during a game of Xbox 360 Uno.

Aaron says he allowed his nephew to play Uno while visiting, because the child's mother told him specifically to allow him to "play a game that wouldn't make him hyper or want to have bad dreams."

Things were going well, Aaron says, until he joined a room using one of the new Uno card skins. One of the four players had a camera and everyone was asking the guy about it.

The player said he couldn't say how he got the camera and then added "check this out" and proceeds to light up a blunt and smoke it, blowing the smoke into the camera.

And wouldn't you know it, the nephew's mother walked into the room just in time to see that.

Aaron goes on to say he also ran into a woman who was apparently streaking Uno games. While Aaron sent me the name of the weed smoker, he didn't send the name of the woman which I wanted... um... for research purposes.

Aaron emailed a complaint to Microsoft support and to the ESRB, pointing out that a game rated for everyone maybe needs to be looked at again when people can add their own streaming content to it live.

I hit up Microsoft for a response and the best they could do was send me a general statement about the safety of Xbox Live.

Xbox 360 and Xbox Live offer some of the most advanced family setting features in the entertainment industry. Xbox Live Vision was developed to fully leverage those features so that parents and kids can use it and feel safe while interacting with others. For example the personalized gamer picture is only viewable by people on your friends list. As you already know the friends list has some very advanced safety and security features built into it.

I haven't been able to figure out how to turn off the camera view of another Uno player and they still can't tell me if this is possible.

Just think what it's going to be like when the camera is actually available for sale. I sense a patch coming. Brian Crecente

Well, it's got everything else—from shoppin' and pie eatin' to picture takin' and shootin'. Reader Ieatrocks sent word that there's also nudity:

Anyways, head into the Entrance Plaza, top floor, north end; and the shop called "In the Closet". Put on the grey tank top outfit and have a good look at the print on the front; it's plainly a topless woman. The image is pretty low res, B&W, and people rarely look at the front of Frank, but it's there.

I unsuccessfully tried to confirm this on the Dead Rising demo (hey, I live in Japan). Any truth to this? Pics would be appreciated, because gawd knows how we love the jubblies. Brian Ashcraft

Update: Ieatrocks was sweet enough to send along a pic and point out that "Capcom's site mentions partial nudity on the M rating, but ESRB's site doesn't. It's also kind of unclear what determines 'partial' nudity, but a lack of nipples seems to be the general gist. In which case, this would be full 'nudity' however stupid that may be."

Nice helmet.

Believe it or not, before the advent of the Internet, the world's resourceful self-pleasurers actually had to use their imaginations to achieve Onanistic bliss. This entire time period, it's safe to say, was the millennia long dark age of pornography.

But in between the invention of computer and the advent of Internet porn, there was sort of a transitional time... a period of 8-bit boners and 4-colorhorizontal mambos. Video games became a prime distributor of virtual pornography, and games.net has an intriguing list of the Top 10 Nude Moments in Gaming, largely garnered from that period.

Everyone's favorite porn titles are there, like Custer's Revenge (bizarrely listed as a PS2 title), Leisure Suit Larry and Bubble Bath Babes... the latter title one I would definitely pay to see remade. Florian Eckhardt

Top 10 Nude Moments in Gaming [games.net]

The ESRB has concluded that the game deserves a rating of Mature because: 1) partial nudity in the PC version of the game can be created by modders; and 2) the game contains excessive blood and gore that go beyond a Teen rating. The facts are as follows:

There is no nudity in Oblivion without a third party modification. In the PC version of the game only - this doesn't apply to the Xbox 360 version - some modders have used a third party tool to hack into and modify an art archive file to make it possible to create a mesh for a partially nude (topless) female that they add into the game. Bethesda didn't create a game with nudity and does not intend that nudity appear in Oblivion. There is no nude female character in a section of the game that can be "unlocked." Bethesda can not control tampering with Oblivion by third parties. Bethesda is taking steps to ensure that modders can not continue to hack into Oblivion's art archives to create partially nude figures.

With regard to violence, Bethesda advised the ESRB during the ratings process that violence and blood effects were "frequent" in the game - checking the box on the form that is the maximum warning. We further advised that the game contained occasional torture, vulgar acts, and gore. We gave accurate answers and descriptions about the type and frequency of violence that appears in the game. We submitted a 60-page document listing the explicit language, acts, and scenes in the game. Oblivion packaging already contains warnings for "Violence" and "Blood and Gore."

Bethesda responds to Oblivion re-rating [Gamespot]

We're linking you to xboxic.com, in which the author of the post immediately begins hyperventilating about America's hypocrisy over the exposure of a bare human breast. Yes, yes — hot coffee, right. Because interactive, rhythmic sex games are the same as a bare breast. Anyway, xboxic.com claims this will delay the release in the US. But Firing Squad actually bothered to call Eidos, who says that the breast is only hackable in the Euro versions of the game, which is already out. It won't delay the US version.

So a visible breast, only available to European hackers, not belonging to Lara Croft, that won't delay the release of the game. Not news, in other words. Except that it allows us to post a jpeg of a disembodied breast, eerily floating upon a muddy texture. There's worse ways to start your weekend.

Nipplegate: new Tomb Raider delayed in US [xboxic.com]

From the creator himself:

In the process of trying to create a nude skin for Oblivion, I found Bethesda had already done all the work for me. They just covered it up with underwear afterwards. (At least in my version — I know sometimes European versions are different, as those cultures accept the human body better.)

Bethesda's skins/models don't really look amazing once they're actually in the game, though... I'm sure someone will make better ones sooner or later. I'll be looking forward to it too.

This is the kind of thing Bethesda should be selling on Live, people.

Oblivion Topless Mod [Oblivion Source]