Bayonetta's Got It, Flaunts It:
Without a doubt, Bayonetta was the high-amp vamp of gaming in 2009, and she hasn't even hit North America yet. In Japan, the ass-kicking, pistol-packing, hair-whipping witch with the naughty librarian look earned critical acclaim from no less than the Japanese director of the cinematic tour de force "Would You Like To Get An Enema Until You Poop?" Stateside and elsewhere, she emerged from relentless early comparisons to another gun enthusiast MILF, Sarah Palin, to become the undisputed cosplaying rookie of the year.

GTA: The Schlong and the Damned
The year's first major NSFW story came out of Rockstar, which broke new ground in Grand Theft Auto: The Lost and Damned by becoming the first video game to show flaccid congressman dong. Fahey then bravely examined the historical importance of this depiction by providing a recap of nudity in games, "the good, the bad and the ugly." Hey, two out of three is bad.

Cussing-Outs and Swearing-Ins:
NSFW doesn't just mean T&A. Bad language also qualifies, and we had hilarious highlights for that, too. Grandma Hardcore, the game-playing senior citizen, spewed filth-flarn-flarn-filth-flarn over Brütal Legend. Ice-T (in a video featuring his NSFW wife, Coco) went apeshit playing Modern Warfare before demanding a Snapple to quench his thirst. And Ozzy Osbourne, talking to Fahey at Blizzcon, was just, well, Ozzy.

Just Two Words: Demon Tits
BioWare RPG's are eminently serious affairs, but the sex factor in Dragon Age: Origins' pre-release publicity got a little silly. The game gave us gay hookups with elves, brothel encounters with livestock, and everyone doing it with their underpants still attached. And, of course, Demon Tits.

Sheva-va-voom
Bayonetta and Dragon Age were far from the only titles ramping up the sex appeal. Resident Evil 5 opened the year with Sheva, and enabled gamers to instantly center the camera on her chest. This is especially useful once you unlock her secret tribal costume.

Boob! Headshot!
In October, two elite Counter Strike teams from Russia face off, but the event's promoter throws in a little "force multiplier" - a room full of strippers, disrobing and gyrating beside, over and on their monitors. The team forZe kept its focus and defeated rival Virtus.pro.

Attachments and Oddities
A product called the "Joydick" needs zero introduction, and I'll spare you from the description. And a tiny title offered over the Xbox Indie Games channel, which turns your controller into a rumbling vibrator, added console peripherals to the list of hiding-in-plain-sight sex toys. Slightly less sexy: The handcrafted Pokémon menstrual pad for $8 whose up-side I couldn't correctly identify. Finally, a lawsuit over virtual sex toys in Second Life gave us a darkhorse candidate for the Oxford English Dictionary's word of the year: "Fuck Coffins."

Things Seen and Never Unseen
Mario and Peach made a tape that, like much of porn, has sex but is soooooo far from sexy. The Mushroom Kingdom's top plumber also laid some pipe with Lara Croft in this unaccountably weird video from, where else, Germany, which also featured Pong sex. In that vein, have you ever wanted to see a Tetris piece masturbate? No? Too bad, here it is.

The Second Sexiest Game of 2009
Left 4 Dead instantly spun off a robust modding community; too bad it chose to use its powers for evil, giving us the Nude Zoey Mod. Because, hey, nothing's hotter than blasting apart the leprous undead with a saucy deshabille look. It wasn't L4D's only brush with the naughty-naughty. Horny infected took to the personal ads for our Valentine's Day prank, where they hooked up with a horde even more mindlessly disgusting - the Craigslist casual encounter lurkers. Finally, porn gave the zombie FPS the ultimate compliment, a sex flick punning the title, named "Left 4 Head."

Munn's the Word
G4's "Attack of the Show" co-host took (most of) it all off for Playboy in June, despite a relentless haranguing from a Playboy stylist to try going commando under imaginary pants. Munn refused, saying the outfits they had in mind would have made her vadge "look like a Honeybaked Ham." Way to work it, Olivia! Geeks were in high dudgeon, because there is no other kind of dudgeon, over Playboy's beyond-the-pale exploitation of their hormones. Or just that it was a Tuesday. Many made the shocking declaration that she just wasn't hot enough, although Munn, as of press time, had no plans to do any of them.

Porn O'Plenty
In September, Vivid Entertainment's CEO says his firm is interested in getting its seminal works (ha ha, get it?) available for download over the PlayStation Network, an offer Sony ignored discreetly (in a plain brown wrapper.) But he's far from the only figure in adult entertainment to make the games crossover in 2009. Bobbi Starr, the X-Rated Critics Organization's regining "Superslut" finds work at E3 as a booth babe for Dirt 2. Porn legend Ron Jeremy joins actresses Krissy Lynn and Andy San Dimas (taking the whole use-your-address-as-a-porn-name motif a little seriously) in Fairytale Fights trailer promos of a viral nature, but not the one that sends you down to the free clinic. Finally, adult star Raven Alexis, an avowed World of Warcraft enthusiast, closes out the year with her five-step plan to winning the heart of a gamer girl - provided, of course, you know one in real life.

It's right at 6:44 in that video. The rest of it is pretty hilarious, too, though.

Fans of Williams were probably already well aware of his Weapons of Self-Destruction tour. Sadly, I was in the dark about it until I came to my mother's house for the holidays and discovered her TiVo.

There's also a bunch of The Big Bang Theory and Men of a Certain Age on here too. Perhaps the holiday vacation won't be as boring without my Sims 3 as I thought.

Located right up the street from Shibuya 109, Love Plus is also a newly opened massage parlor. Look, there are girls in school uniforms, kinda like in the Konami game and a billion other video games in Japan.

But this love plus has step ladders.

And massage chairs.

Relaxing! On the establishment's homepage, it is made clear several times that this is not a place of prostitution and customers who put the make on therapists or try to get them to remove their clothes will be asked to leave. Doesn't sound like this place of business is being coy, maybe honest?

The goal here is relaxation — and climbing stairs!

Forty minutes is priced at ¥7,000, not including the ¥1,000 entrance fee. That's more expensive than Love Plus the game, and people can play it longer than forty minutes.

道玄坂に１８禁ラブプラスがオープンしたみたいです（お子様閲覧禁止 [読みゲー]

While based on the same universe, the games will have different stories. Also, the in-game butts are not the same — after close inspection, they are slightly different! That's AI-controlled partner Kainé, a character possessed by a demon and who likes to wear skimpy clothes.

When you go shopping for NieR, do keep in mind not only your face mask preferences, but also your butt scribble preferences.

Same Scene, Different Nier [Siliconera]

For a game set in Hell that seems designed to court controversy, the inclusion of "unblessed infants" as something to slay sounds a lot more reasonable when described in such a sterile fashion. "These 'unbaptized' demons resemble babies only in size," says the ESRB's warning about potentially offensive content, "as they tend to hack, slash, scream, and impale/get impaled as often as taller demons."

See? Nothing to be concerned about, especially when factoring in the rest of the violent fare and... tongue-evisceration? Yep. Tongue-evisceration.

"Blood often splatters out of monsters' bodies when attacked; weakened monsters can be finished off with a set of commands leading to tongue-evisceration, but more often, some version of dismemberment," notes the rating. These things are so informative.

The "Mature" rating touches on the game's sexual content—like Cleopatra's bared, bruise-colored breasts—and the "shade minions," which have "tentacles protrud[ing] from their stomachs, their lower regions." By that, I assume they mean their feet.

But news to me at least was the shaft-swinging accuracy in Dante's Inferno. Apparently, one "bluish devil/demon in boss-battle mode" has it's business out and "there are equivalent physics applied to female/male body parts." How far we've come from physics-free phallus!

Dante's Inferno [ESRB]

While last year's spread featured naked versions of characters from games like Afro Samurai, Ride to Hell, Velvet Assassin, Saints Row 2, Damnation, and Rise of the Argonauts, this year features boobs from games venturing closer to AAA territory. That includes rendered tits and ass from God of War III, Heavy Rain, The Saboteur and Mafia II. It also means Crimecraft, but, hey, there are exceptions to this loose rule.

The veiny pinup with her yayas out up there? That's the lovely Beatrice from Visceral Games' Dante's Inferno. Below is a very naked Madison Paige from Quantic Dream's Heavy Rain, another high profile PlayStation 3 games due in early 2010.

If this is the kind of thing you enjoy—and haven't found comparable content on the internet already—the January issue of Playboy magazine has the full "Playing Hard To Get" lineup of digital nakedness, sans Kotaku Censor Fish. It's the one with Tara Reid on the cover as featured at the equally NSFW link below.

Playboy January/February 2010 Issue [Playboy.com]

Look, I'm not sure if Cavia has some sort of dirt on Square Enix, but I'm not quite clear how Nier continues to exist as a product. Based on the negative impressions from my colleagues from E3 and Tokyo Game Show, not to mention my own hands-off time with the game at Gamescom, Nier seems like a game better quietly canceled than released.

But when the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 action adventure RPG does ultimately ship sometime in 2010, we'll give it a fair shot. As I've learned from watching this trailer, nothing is at it seems.

The focus here is largely pigtailed character Oerba Dia Vanille and her underoos. This close-ups have reveal more than in-game character panty preferences — check out those textures and polygons.

FF13にはちゃんとパンチラあります 安心してご購入ください [はちま起稿]

Click the image to enlarge.

This promotional image features more of 15-year-old Miki than perhaps she'd like to be shown. And as the Japanese internet has pointed out, this game makes it appear as if all the young heroines cannot be bothered with dressing themselves properly. Underwear is important!

Except in the bath.

Misshitsu Sacrifice is a psychological adventure thriller out next February in Japan. It is rated ages 15 and up. There's blood, too.

『密室のサクリファイス』ヒロインのミキは完全に穿いてない少女 [チラシの裏でゲーム鈍報]

The text reads: "Celebrate! Xbox 360 Port Decided!!"

Akakei Soft2 announcing game on character's breasts? Talk about knowing one's audience.

The Xbox 360 port will certainly not be as graphic as the PC original.

Who knows why Curry, the first winner of America's Next Top Model, chose to share this, but she did over Twitter last night. Lots of people game in the buff, but not many of them look like her, so I'm stamping news on this one. Oh, shut up, not everything has to be Investor's Business Daily around here.

Is she really playing though? In that pose, she must be using her feet on the mouse and the keyboard.

Love this comment from her Twitpic page: "You are a nerd's wet dream." One of them, anyway, and I'm sure a goodly number don't even involve girls.

me ... naked ... playing World of Warcraft ; ) [Adrianne Curry on Twitpic, via HBG]

Priced at ¥9,420 (US$107), the bundle comes with the game disc, a special manga, an audio CD and, ahem, a "personal assistant". Those who order by mail get two personal assistants. There are apparently seven different varities, so those will two boxes will probably get totally different ones. Yeah.

Lots of Mothers!! will be released in Japan on December 25. In Japan, nothing says Christmas quite like Kentucky Fried Chicken, cakes with frosting and having sex with plastic.

お母さんがいっぱい！-オフィシャルホームページ- *TOP* [NSFW via オレ的ゲーム速報＠刃]

The video has been done in the style of Nintendo's television commercials.

New DSi LL great for demonstrating boob jiggle [Japanator]

The bikini top has been changed — it is now smaller and corresponds with the game demo bikini top. Why? Probably because the character design owes way too much to Princess Leia's slave outfit. ALERT GEORGE LUCAS.

アクワイア、PSP「剣闘士 グラディエータービギンズ」体験版配信・女剣闘士が編集部を襲撃！ [Game Watch]

This is innocent enough.

This just seems painful.

And cruel! Sadness.

The game also offers widescreen, 3-D and even webcam face tracking. Check out the game's real time trailer, but note that it's probably NSFW. You've been warned.

イリュージョン『リアル彼女』プロモーション動画 [オレ的ゲーム速報＠刃]

With Fahey posting that lady-elf-on-lady clip, it's only fair I post this one. Of man-elf-on-man action. Complete with a Spanish lisp. Funny how sex with a blue alien can land a company in hot water, yet in the shadow of the biggest game of the year, this goes by with naught but a smile and some Youtube captures.

Oh, and for the record, this post was in no way brought to you by the Fight Against Grenade Spam.

Some of the shame-they're-not-real-games we have to look forward to include tranScEEnD:

You are a seed, the manifestation of potential. The wind is your means of transportation - and the deliverer of your fate.

Embark on a relaxing journey through a visionary world unlike anything you've ever seen before.

tranScEEnD features a one-of-a-kind gameplay experience that blends time manipulation with gravity. In the end it turns out you weren't really a seed at all, but an alien ship and the whole thing was a metaphor for sexual abuse.

Little much? You may prefer the more down-to-earth inspiration behind Cosmope:

I woke up. The dawn had scrubbed her scent away. All these mistakes, all these regrets were as nothing and somehow... I knew they were everything.

When lives take different directions, it is as a starling bursting forth from infinite realities. Each different. Only one way back to her.

Best part? Were this not a list put together by Something Awful, you'd be forgiven for thinking these were actual, real, upcoming games.

2010's Most Promising Bullshit Indie Games [Something Awful, via GameSetWatch] [image: listen to me]

This image here is raising eyebrows (raising cat ears?), and making some on the Japanese internet note that the game is pushing the boundaries of CERO D and wonder if the game should have been released as CERO Z — the equivalent of the ESRB's Adults Only. Here's why:

More screenshots on the game's Xbox 360 site. Some NSFW.

『タユタマ』におけるXbox360のCEROレーティングDの限界 [オレ的ゲーム速報＠刃]

The movie also has an official website (warning: music) and a Twitter account — which I'm currently following for shits and giggles.

The King of Fighters is directed by Gordon Chan, who helmed the Jet Li martial arts classic Fist of Legend. This KOF movie doesn't have Jet Li, but it does have Sean Faris (Pearl Harbor) as Kyo Kusanagi, Wii Yun Lee (Witchblade) as Iori Yagami, Ray Park (Darth Maul) as boss Rugal, Maggie Q (Live Free or Die Hard) as Mai, Françoise Yip (Rumble in the Bronx) as Chizuru and some other people we haven't really heard of.

It will apparently have some sort of sci-fi spin on the fighting series. Apparently.

King Of Fighters's Photos [Facebook]