Another One For The Topless Wii Fit Pile

You know how this works. Physically attractive girl gets on Wii Fit, physically attractive plays Wii Fit, things jiggle, someone else posts video of it on the internet, boys get horny, massive page views ensue. It worked for Wii Fit Girl, who has an impressive 5 million views on YouTube, and it worked for Playboy's Jo Garcia. Now, UK men's mag Zoo is giving it a go with someone known as Emma Frain, hoping lightning strikes for the third (or fourth, fifth, whatever) time and that they can catch that lightning in a bottle as thousands of dudes diddle their unmentionables.

If this sounds like you, hit the jump for the cleaner, but still packed to the gills with jiggles version.

To: Luke
From: Owen
Re: Is It A Girl Or A Boy? It Is......

We had a patriotic if abbreviated weekend here in the Tower. Some publishing glitches and such but that's getting to be par for the course now. I did my July 4 resolutions last night (in which I revisit the New Year's Resolutions I never kept) and have decided I'm gonna start and end each day with 30 pushups. Plus, no more eating directly from the fridge. Everything I eat has to go on a plate. I'll let you know how all this goes. I'm a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner.

Oh, for gamers in the Bay Area, there will be a comedy showcase this coming Saturday custom fit to gamers' perspective. It's being emceed by Jeff Reitman, a pal of mine from the San Francisco Comedy College, and will feature a lineup of comedians who have worked in the games industry. You can get tickets online, and if you use the Konami code (UUDDLRLRBA) in the coupon code field, they cost $10 instead of $12. The show is on the 5th floor of 414 Mason St in San Francisco, and I'm going to be there (but not performing).

Finally, I should point out that when things got a little wacky in the comments of yesterday's Bourne Conspiracy impressions, I challenged InsidiousTuna to find a clip of the Chuck E. Cheese Rock-afire Explosion band jamming to "Smell Yo Dick" by Riskay. Tuna couldn't produce that, but he did find a wonderful Sims 2 mashup of the song, featuring the titular girlfriend olfactory inspection of the genital area (and, from what I can tell, some retaliatory dutch-ovening). I put it after the jump, just to be safe.

Some highlights this weekend:

Yes, This Is The Chrono Trigger DS Trailer
Games Today: We Do Melodrama?
Rumor: Dueling Rock Band 2 Tracklists
'Performative Play': Games and the 'Real World'
Fifteen Minutes on Wikipedia is Like a Semester at Yale, if Yale was a WoW Server
From the Margins to the Mainland: the Future of Virtual Worlds?

You know the "rule." The rule that states "pornography or sexually related material exists for any conceivable subject"? A recent Suicide Girls spread is further proof of the theory, as one of its models, Bob, has taken Grand Theft Auto IV cover girl lust and turned it into an excuse to get naked. (Yes, Bob's a woman.)

This particular Lola looks to only have five fingers, so the fantasy may be blown for some of you. But for anyone looking for a NSFW thrill, carry on. Membership is obviously required, as we all know the internet doesn't give away its smut for free.

GTA A Tribute to Lola [Suicide Girls]

And You Thought SL Was Bad - More Naughty Spore Creatures

Why is this Spore creature, crafted by PC Zone UK forum user Apophis_dd, so very happy? Perhaps because it's come to the humorous realization that despite how vehemently gamers rail against the supposed sickness of people who dress up like furries or cavort with unicorns in the virtual world of Second Life, given the right tools they have the potential to create things just as nasty, if not more so.

Perhaps he's just happy because he's named "The Humpasaur", which is what my close friends in high school nicknamed me in the fictional life I like to picture in my head where I had close friends in high school. Hit the jump for the full picture in all its NSFW glory.

When Spore Penis Monsters Attack

The Spore Creature Creature was officially released earlier today—leaked early late last week—and already we're drowning in penis monsters. Proud members of the Spore creature creating community have risen to the cock-filled occasion, crafting dozens of new lifeforms, all based around having huge schlongs. A quick search of YouTube submissions for "spore penis" returns about 150 videos, revealing discoveries like the Penisman, the Penizaur, the Peenisaurus, the Penis Goblin and the brilliantly named Penis Creature #1029438. We're not sure this is what Will Wright had in mind.

By the way, this is not an invitation to send your boner-centric creation to tips. Just consider it a heads up.

When Wii Fit Girl did her 3 million hits thang, somehow I knew this was coming down the pike. Because Playboy is the home of Jo Garcia, the Cyber Girl of the Year for 2008 and an enthusiastic and knowledgeable gamer herself. And not only does she have noooo problem wearing much less than naughty librarian glasses and panties, Playboy also has muuuuuch better video equipment and editing.

The link is to a version that, while probably NSFW, is non-nude and won't get you arrested. I can vouch for the fact there is a topless version out there too, and let's just say she sticks the landing in the ski jump. I'm sure the intrepid amongst you can find that, I won't be providing it here, aside from the screen shot above.

The Perfect Fit [Playboy, non-nude but NSFW]

Second Life Flying Wang Attack Goes IRL

Remember when Room 101 griefers issued a flying penis attack on Second Life "real estate" "mogul" "Anshe Chung" during a virtual interview? How could you not? It's just about the only interesting thing to ever happen in Second Life. Now, it has happened in the real world, only on a much smaller, much briefer scale.

Chess grandmaster Garry Kasparov was recently subjected to a NSFW attack from a much more realistic looking, but still fake, airborne phallus. This one was given the smackdown by a Russian karate chop after mere seconds, unlike the 15 minute long penis storm previously reported. Coincidence? We think not! But we've already stopped thinking.

Flying Penis [Sharenator via n0wak]

The Worst, Most NSFW PlayStation Ad Ever

We're not sure who advertising agency TBWA is appealing to here with this PlayStation 3 ad. Sure, the abs are washboard-like and the pecs appear to be rippling, but the tiny phallus safely hidden behind a Kotaku NSFW Fish isn't going to go over well with anybody but the most specific of fetishists—say men who dream of fucking a DualShock. Maybe there's some cross-cultural misunderstanding here—I'll admit to not being brushed up on my Austrian marketing—but if I were to wake up with a wee penis-digit, I'd be concerned less with draping my shirt over my perfect physique and buying PlayStation 3 games than I would be with sticking my head in the oven.

The full ad, hosted at the link below (alternately viewable in big, uncensored size right here) is definitely not safe for work unless your employer is cool with you checking out expertly groomed pubic hair and Photoshopped schlongs. You've been warned!

Sony PlayStation 3: Thumb [Ads of the World via Gawker]

Masahiro Sakurai is not amused! Apparently someone has been fostering an unnatural fascination with getting a peek at Princess Peach and Zelda's panties, sending them in to the Dojo on a regular enough basis that Sakurai needed a disclaimer at the bottom of the picture page.

Please understand that snapshots depicting inappropriate content or containing inappropriate comments will not be eligible for selection.

To this point, I've received a great number of screenshots that focus on peeking at the undergarments of certain Brawl combatants. So let me just say it again—shots like these will never be posted to the Dojo or sent out to users via the Smash Service.

Screenshot Collection #2 [Smash Bros. Dojo!! - Thanks Stephen!]]

Gamebryo Shows Off Boob Shadowing Technology At GDC

If you're not familiar with Gamebryo, it's the middleware solution from Emergent Game Technologies. Right. The only thing you, the reader, really needs to know is that it's pioneering self-shadowed boobs. Subtly swaying, inhumanly massive boobs. This is the kind of stuff GDC attendees are most excited about—a pair of perfectly rendered double Ds struggling to be free of a metal bra while having realistic shadows cast upon them. It's also part of the reason GDC is 90% dudes.

Yes, GameTrailers has extended cuts and high definition versions. Just don't watch at work.

God of War PSP Sex Scene Trailer Skips To The Good Part

Here's something you should've seen coming a mile away—a nipple-filled threesome mini-game in Ready At Dawn's PSP title God of War: Chains of Olympus. Outside of a polygonal pair of boobs, don't expect much more than a suggestive candle-as-phallus bobbing about on a crate, occasionally ejaculating hot wax. Suffice it to say, it's not safe for work, if only for the banging and moaning sounds, but mostly for the digital ta-tas.

Five Amazing, Foul-Mouthed Gaming Temper Tantrums

Put your headphones on for this one, as GamerHelp collects the top five batshit insane gaming freak outs ever to be caught on video. You may have seen some of them, including the chocolate milk demanding brat who verbally berated his mom via Xbox Live, but they're all worth watching again. The above, featuring a Halo fan who drops more f-bombs than a 2 Live Crew double album says it best when he says "$#!%! Shut the @!#?@! up! Who the @!#?@! is driving that Warthog? Bull$#!%!! *girly screech* @!#?@! you! @!#?@! you! Waaaaaagggghh!! Noooo!" Packed to the gills with NSFW language, regardless of your native tongue.

The 5 Greatest Gamer Temper Tantrums [GamerHelp via Digg]

World of Whorecraft, renamed Whorecraft and now, oddly enough, Whorelore, is back for its second season. For those of you who missed our feature on this blending of hardcore pornography and World of Warcraft, you should probably read the story, it's really quite fascinating.

Dez, the series producer, dropped me a line today to say that Whorelore will continue into next year with a second season, the first episode of which features female elf-on-elf sex and your typical follow up, inter-racial human-on-elf sex scene. Not content to stick with just prosthetic ears and a bit of handmade weapons and armor, the series has added honest to goodness special effect to the mix this time around.

I remain more intrigued than tantalized by the prospect of pornography made for an audience of gamers, even the more mainstream gamers that make up the World of Warcraft fanbase. What I wonder is if the attraction to something like these videos would come from some sort of elf fetish or if it's really about carrying over the fantasy of an MMO or RPG into the real world and that the sex thing is almost an aside.

Hit the jump for some NSFW pics and a school of happily nesting Kotaku pointing fish.

EA On Need For Speed Porn: Oops

And here we thought the UK marketing team for EA's Need For Speed ProStreet were geniuses, combining fast cars with naked women in order to appeal to the male demographic. I thought their only fault was not having one of the girls holding a pizza and some beer, thus completing the holy trinity of testosteronic power. It turns out the whole thing was just some sort of fluke.

"We regret that these images slipped through the proper EA approval process," said a spokesperson for the publisher, speaking to GamesIndustry.biz. "They were not appropriate for our brand. The original site has been taken down this morning."

EA regrets Need for Speed porn promotion [GamesIndustry.biz]

The marketing geniuses at, I assume, at EA's UK offices may be on the receiving end of some advertising awards this year, as they've cleverly combined breasts and cars for a recent promotion for Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 racer Need For Speed ProStreet. The promotion, featuring Page 3 girls Amii and Becky, explores what happens with four breasts are positioned within posing distance of a red Ferrari. We're still studying the results here at the Kotaku Media Labs, but at first blush, it seems that EA may have something here. We applaud them for being brave enough to think outside the box, looking forward to more bold endeavors from those responsible for this important Need For Speed ProStreet promo.

It should go without saying that this is 100% not safe for work. Observe scientifically only when off the clock, as some folks just aren't ready for something this progressive.

Need For Speed ProStreet (NSFW) [Page 3 via Polygamia]

Human Tetris With Bikini Girls

Bikini Girl [Zaeega via Japan Probe]