Serious Metroid fans may get a titter out of the referential piece, but conservative Galactic Federation types aren't going to approve of Aran's faux pro-gay marriage editorial. Hey, it's McSweeney's, not The Onion. It's dry, but amazingly authentic.

Now back to *my* Samus Aran lesbian coming out fanfic...

METROID'S SAMUS ARAN SPEAKS OUT ABOUT GAY MARRIAGE [McSweeney's]

But he's also a dedicated Klonoa fan, apparently, seemingly one of the few Wii owners who has bothered to pick up the gorgeous remake. Perry publicly expresses his adoration of the Wii-make via his Twitter, offering a little bit more information about his playing style.

On May 5th, Perry wrote: "About to try a new video game called Klonoa....I'll let you all know how it is. I'm 39."

Ten days later, the actor was still into it, writing that he was going "back to the gym and then a little Klonoa." Perry clarifies for the uninitiated that Klonoa "is not a venereal disease..it's a video game."

Finally, Perry updates the Twitter-following masses with: "Many of you have asked what Klonoa game I am playing. It's the new one on the Wii. I'm at level six. I play with my pants around my ankles."

Let's get this man some more professional attention, OK?

matthew perry (langfordperry) [Twitter - thanks, Jess?]

Normally a job reserved for Japanese idols, voice actors and bikini models, EA has tapped Mr. Spielberg to hold aloft his latest Wii creation, showing expert product placement with a hint of a smile that shows just how pleasing a game of Boom Blox Bash Party can be.

Kudos go out to Spielberg's stylist, who downplays the Steven with a tasteful, homogeneously brown blend of merino wool, suede and corduroy, so as not to distract from the zany Boom Blox Bash Party box art.

Full-on Spielberg modeling after the break!

Atari's being very clear about this with the game's box art. The Wii, PlayStation 2 and Nintendo DS versions get the caricature version seen on the left, while the PlayStation 3, Xbox 360 and PC versions get the more photo realistic version on the right. The aesthetic even applies to the game's cover specters, with slightly less menacing ghosts featured on the lower-definition, E-10+ rated version.

Not totally unexpected, but a rare instance of a publisher being so forthcoming about the platform differences on the box art.

Tonight my wife and I are going out for a rare Tristan-free movie night. The question is, should I be taking her to see the Watchmen or is it going to leave her feeling bored and me feeling inadequate?

I've never been one of those people unable to get past the source material for a movie and enjoy the theatrical experience, but I still can't imagine Watchmen is going to live up to my expectations. Are you going to see it, or did you already?

Did it live up to yours?

Christina Alvarado, Alvarez's girlfriend, told police that she was attacked by her boyfriend after a fight, one brought on for possibly the stupidest reasons known to man. She was apparently enraged because the suspect ate her supply of Girl Scout Cookies. He was similarly pissed due to being awakened, only to be given the business about some missing Girl Scout Cookies.

Alvarez was arrested and is being held in a Travis County jail with bail set at $40,000.

Now, because someone lost some sleepy time and someone else a box of Tagalongs, Austin police have a second degree felony charge of aggravated assault with serious bodily injury on their hands. And Alvarez could spend up to 20 years in prison, likely never to get his hands on a Wii remote ever again.

Cause, you know, the fad will be over by then. :\

Man accused of choking girlfriend with Wii controller [Statesman - thanks, Alex!]

This is clearly not news, but still potentially valuable. Say, for instance, you happen to run into Ms. Fox on the street. Not only can you wow her with your expertise on all things Transformers — particularly your deep knowledge of Cybertronian geography — you can break the ice with Guitar Hero trivia.

Given these newly published Kotaku Stalku tagged candid photos of the Transformers star wailing away on some Wii platform version of Guitar Hero, we're sure Fox would love to hear about your "Through the Fire and Flames" high score.

Megan Fox Plays Guitar Hero, Still Too Hot For You [Egotastic - thanks, Dennis!]

For as much money as Asashoryu makes, we're glad to see his hasn't wasted it on, I dunno, a non-crappy TV. How can he play the original Dead Rising on that?

Sumo Grand Gran Asashoryu Is An Xbox 360 User! [はちま起稿]

Yes, that's two frosty snowmen, one of which is on the receiving end of a lancer from Gears of War. The other? Appropriately doo-ragged. Look at all that snow!

Hopefully, Adam's got a 300dpi version sitting around somewhere so we can up the quality at the expense of the corporate color ink cartridge budget. Regardless, thanks, man!

Seems EVE Online likes to grab images of the Mac OS X CPU monitor occasionally and send them into space. That giant gas cloud is a pretty good indicator of what's going on in your Activity Monitor utility at any given time. Handy, maybe, but causes serious interference with suspension of disbelief.

my god, it's full of cpu meters [Flickr via del.icio.us]

So after hitting the pharmacy, we got masks for when we visit the baby (as not to get it sick). Mini-Bash picked himself something I had never seen: a Pokémon mask! Then again, I'd never really looked. This mask comes with stickers for easy customization.

Amazing to see how much branding that franchise gets.

To some degree, I can chalk up my own disinterest in the tedium of massively multiplayer online games. Grinding away on "kill X number of Monster Y and report back" style missions just aren't my thing. But it's really the potential for social interaction that does these games in for me.

Obligation gaming, the guilt of not being available for a gaming session, regardless of the genre — I even hate feeling trapped by first-person shooter social calls — is what makes me a gaming shut-in. A virtual Man's Best Friend, like the one in Fable II is about all I can handle.

Thompson looks at it a bit differently, writing "The fact that I know I'm the only person actually alive makes the game seem all the more dreamlike, as if everything — those mountain ranges, those creepy beetles — really is taking place inside my head."

True, bots suck, as does being verbally berated online by little boys who have just discovered the F-word.

Even in a perfect world, though, where everyone else might be a gentlemanly good sport, I think I'd prefer to do most of my gaming alone. Am I the only one?

Gamer's Radical Realization: I Prefer Playing With Myself [Wired]

Nintendo DS development kit? Wrapped. Master Chief helmet? Wrapped. Destroy All Humans figurine? Wrapped. Even the poor man's Elite Beat Agents poster rests beneath a layer of packing paper.

5th Celler Liz notes "When he got back, he just gave up and decided to unwrap what he needed to work. A week later and the games, action figures, and trash bin are still wrapped in paper." Developers, if you've submitted your resume to these savages recently, we'd suggest a speedy retraction.

The victim may have also been sexually assaulted, something we hope was caught on a nearby bank security camera, because that is traffic gold.

For the record, we condemn these attacks and hope that Mr. Hodges and his neckbeard make a full and speedy recovery.

FAKE UPDATE: It appears that this rumor story could be Joystick Division throwing their credibility out the window as part of a timely "joke." Kotaku's decision to run rumors is always based on the credibility of the site and the information contained within it. Normally, we wouldn't post about such obvious linkbait, but it appears that may no longer be the case.

Joystick Division supporter viciously attacked, “K” carved in his face [Joystick Division - thanks, Chris!]

• "Music by the Reeza." - On Afro Samurai's soundtrack, a mispronunciation that mildly amused the hip hop snobs in attendance.

• "I love my cute stuffed panda. But I really love playing National Geographic Panda!" - The pitch for National Geographic Panda. It worked!

• "This is what I call the 'Moon of Endor scene.' [pause] For anyone who knows Star Wars..." - During the demo of We Ski & Snowboard, when a Mii moved at a normal clip through a heavily forested section of the mountain. Video game journalists rarely need Star Wars references explained to them, FYI.

• "A tremendous story in two screens!" - Dragonball DS, apparently, will feature two screens for double the tremendousness.

• "If you think you can stomach this, please have a look." - The Splatterhouse trailer, which was about as long as a bolt of lightning.

• "Contrary to the title, we don't recommend consuming alcohol while playing." - A joke told following the We Ski & Snowboard demo. We Ski. Whiskey. Whiskey and snowboard. Get it? >_>

• "Please note that restricted access is... ah, restricted" - For anyone who needs to know just how restricted the restricted sections of Namco Bandai's headquarters are. They're restricted.

Captured one-by-one only after you order to ensure its good health!

Fantastic! These Pikachus were straight from the Pikachu forest, and the seller wrote that a 60-minute video showing how to raise and care for the Pikachu would be included as well. While we're guessing the seller didn't successfully unload any of this "limited edition" for US$900 million. Man, some people are so cheap.

Pika Auction [Yahoo Auction Watch Thanks, Matt!]

You know David Jaffe, right? He might've made some video games — we have some vague recollection of that — but he's mainly known now for his mouthing off. Apparently, Jaffe's public online assessment of one of our nation's vice presidential candidates got some attention, mainly from site GamePolitics.com, who gave Jaffe a bit of a hypertext-lashing. Jaffe's back, not making video games again, and defending his assessment of Alaska governor Sarah Palin's fuckability. Too bad we'll likely never see Jaffe's Homeland, because it's clear the man is passionate about his politics.

We know what it's for John: making us seriously consider purchasing a commercial truck with bright red rims and Samba de Amigo branding, then having a custom horn installed that blares "El Ritmo Tropical" at anyone whose driving technique we disagree with.

Saw this a few days ago at my local Sams Club in Douglasville Ga.
I picked it up to verify it is for the Wii. The release is, I think, is a week or two away.
Sorry for the poor quality. I was in a huge rush.