While Wii injury jokes abound, the rest of the game is filled with PETA-caliber serious messages. You'll trounce disembodied Colonel Sanders heads attached to robotic legs, eat tofu (natch) to double your size, and face many bloody buckets of death. It's a quick romp, one that's surprisingly well designed.

For those who tire of the infantile, pre-programmed, anti-PETA comments sure to come, there are five levels of chicken platforming awaiting you. Enjoy!

Super Chick Sisters [PETA - thanks, Neoness!]

Over at forum NeoGAF, user "Stumpokapow" has created this chart showing Japanese Mario sales through the ages. You can see that New Super Mario Bros. is the second biggest seller, right behind Super Mario Bros. But the DS revision of the original classic is trailing by about two million. Amazing considering that SMB had a twenty year plus head start! Brian Ashcraft

Mario Sales [NeoGAF via Game|Life]

That pink-helmeted warrior is today's nerd hero. His name is Naoto Fujimura, and he recently appeared on TV Tokyo's TV Champion 2. Vitals: Fujimura is 19 years old and actually owns an Xbox 360. No, really. His favorite game? THE iDOLM@STER. Pretty much the entire show is after the jump, complete with Aya Ueto and Yu Yamada ads. It's almost an hour and all in Japanese, but you should be able to follow. Grab a chilled beverage, settle in and cheer Fujimura on as he battles his way to the top! Brian Ashcraft

Human Mario. Contestants must jump on a trampoline, grab the giant coin and answer doozies like "Besides 'Developer System,' what does "DS" stand for?" or "What happens when you touch Stufy's sister Stapy?" or the nerd riot inducing "When choosing a file, how do you make Luigi appear in-game?"

The nerds have gotten better at jumping on the trampoline and get dished questions like "How many different types of dogs are in Nintendogs?" or "What happens when you say umeboshi twice to Dr. Kawashima?" Stage 2 includes having contestants name all 64 enemies appearing in New Super Mario Bros. from memory without repeats!

Note: "Kurokki—" does not appear in NSMB. Contestant Wada in the business suit owns this round! The loser does not advance, which is an insane Puyo Puyo giant fan battle.

Onto the Championship Stage! We get a tour of 19 year-old Naoto Fujimura's THE iDOLM@STER room. He's up against wanna-be game programmer Yoshihiro Nakajima, the ten-hour gamer! He's a gentle soul and *hearts* Pokémon Pearl. There's a quiz, and the winner gets an Xbox 360, Wii, PS3, DS and PSP. The first question involves naming Gundams in Gundam Musou, while the second one asks how to switch to the blue hard court in Wii Tennis. The third question involves the Xbox 360! And iDOLM@STER!! Can Fujimura pull it off?! The suspense is killing me!!!

And you were worried? Just look at the 10-hour gamer's reaction. But, there are two more questions, questions that don't involve the Xbox 360 or THE iDOLM@STER. But involve Nintendo stuff and Sony stuff.

And like that, it's over. Fujimura is no match for the soft hearted 10-hour gamer. But, watch out virtual idols!

What better way to bring back the 1980's with Mario and Rubix cubes. This six-colored New Super Mario Bros. puzzler breathes new life into old favorites. The cube has been out since last November and retails for ¥2,079 (US $17). Two words: Must have. Brian Ashcraft

Mario Rubix [MegaHouse via Tokyo Mango]

The Epoch board games will set you back $45 for the Crystal Attack set and $35 for The Tower set. Both are set to ship to importers sometime in March. Michael McWhertor

Eds Note: Says reader kyo k: "the 1st board game is a maze that you navigate w/ a pinball like pellet. The handle tips the entire "Maze" and the pinball (Mario) rolls around the maze avoiding traps and etc.."

NSMB Board Games [NCSX]

The best part about living in Japan? The supermarket sells Nintendo goods. And not just any Nintendo goods, but Nintendo goods made in China. Take this, for example. Inside there's a New Super Mario Bros. character button, which would be perfect for signaling random Tetris Gloryholing. That, and bad tasting candy! Local convenience stores are a good place to pick up stuff like this as well, cheap. Brian Ashcraft

Game site Serious Games Source (so serious, it has serious in the title) picks apart "the most politically incorrect Nintendo game ever," Super Princess Peach as well as the size queen aspect of New Super Mario Bros.:

I would like to mention that a few months after Super Princess Peach was released, Nintendo launched another Mario platform game for the Nintendo DS: New Super Mario Bros. This game featured new superpowers for Mario, too. Rather than using his emotions, Mario was able to shift sizes, from tiny to enormous. I never thought about this until I wrote this article but Nintendo's choice of female and male superpowers for both games in nothing short of hilarious. One game defines women as emotionally unstable while the other one presents boys as being obsessed with their size. Why is Mario so worried about how big he can be? Who is he trying to impress? Has Luigi been recently dating somebody? Are the mushrooms an aphrodisiac? What is Yoshi's gender? I always thought Yoshi was male but he lays eggs. As you can see, sex in the Mario world can be quite a complex topic. That is why Nintendo should try not to oversimplify it with stereotypes.

Eh... So this is "serious," huh? Brian Ashcraft

Super Macho World [Serious Games Source, via GSW]

I'm going to have to head back and get more of these. They'll make great gifts. Plus they come with candy that looks like medicine.

And there you go! Brian Ashcraft

If I didn't have so much crap covering my work station already, I'd totally get this US $32 New Super Mario Bros. desktop warrior. It's made by Bandai and looks great—even next to an Xbox 360 and slim PS2. How humiliating!

Pics of the box after the jump. Brian Ashcraft

Check out this amazingly adorable micro-messenger bag, built to tote around a single, wafer-thin Nintendo DS cart. It's got a little cross stitched Super Mario Bros. 2 style Mario on it! I'm totally jealous.

It was made by the loving wife of GAF regular The Year 20XX, a stand up guy with a talented better half. From the original post:

My wife Mary is a Craftster reader/poster. Recently, they had a craft challenge where all the participants had to make something tiny— I think less than 2" by 2". She asked me for ideas, and I gave her pretty much the weirdest one I could think of: a tiny messenger-bag style case for a single DS game. She decided to add some (amazingly damn tiny) Mario 2 cross-stitching to the project, and here are the results of her hard work (obviously I'm very impressed).

Dude, who isn't?!

Check out the thread for more pics of the case and the typical GAF relationship advice. Michael McWhertor

Cute single DS game case from my wife

Just like "Victoria Bitter" means "water," "Hungry Jack's" is Australian for "Burger King." Nintendo of Australia has teamed up with the Ozzie eatery to help celebrate the 20th Anniversary of Super Mario Bros. and is giving away character keychains with Kids Club Meals. Customers get a choice of Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, Princess Peach or Donkey Kong and also are entered into a draw to win a DS Lite and a copy of New Super Mario Bros. Doesn't Peach look totally pissed off? I kinda felt that way when I realized Hungry Jack's even tastes like Burger King. Brian Ashcraft

Thanks, Obee

And while I'm railing against beloved Nintendo DS games, I really don't like New Super Mario Bros. very much either, a game recommended to me not only by Kotaku-staffers of questionable taste like Ashcraft and Crecente, but proclaimed a "solid 7" by none other than 1UP's Luke "I Hate Everything" Smith. Diametrically inflated according to the withered circumference of Smith's own black, ichorous heart, that's like a solid 11 by any other measure.

As I complained to him on IM today:

Florian Eckhardt: New Super Mario Brothers. Solid 7 my ASS. luke at 1up: 5? Florian Eckhardt: It's no SMB3. luke at 1up: what fucking mystery will you solve next Encyclopedia Brown?

BURNED. I admit it. But New Super Mario Bros. is just the same Mario formula, programmed and designed with mathematical cynicism. It's phoned in. It is completely devoid of charm or personality: it's the Mario formula taken to the point of grating cliche. The funny thing to me is how much more personality the game would have with Paper Mario (or Mario & Luigi) style art direction. Because, outside of the 3D polygon stuff, what does this game do that Super Mario Bros. 3 didn't do better 10 years ago? Florian Eckhardt

Commentor Gregor wins day two's contest with his comments about the need for free music on our post about the Pet Shop Boys.

Those industry fat cats try to put a price on my music, but it wants to be free! Music need air! Feed my music, for it enjoys sausage!

Don't forget to post away today for your chance to win. I will be randomly selecting a post tonight, as I will every day this month, and then deciding which comment about the post was the funniest, most insightful or interesting and hand out a prize to the poster.
Today's prize is a genuine New Super Mario Bros standee shipped directly to you from Nintendo. Brian Crecente

Eric Caoili unveils a cool new mode for those gamers out there who have beaten New Super Mario Bros, which is likely anyone who owns it.

Adter beating the game you just have to hit Start in the world map and enter the following code:

LRLRXXYY

The challenge mode puts a forced scroll on all of the levels, so no back-tracking. Hmmmm, I wonder what happens if you beat the game in that mode? Brian Crecente

New Super Mario Bros Challenge Mode [4CR]

The poster reads something like, "I can only explain this desire with a mushroom." (Kinoko... deshika Tsutawaranai omoi...). Mario's face says pure badass. DIY in-store advertising at its finest. Brian Ashcraft

More Here [HaziHazi]

That Mario DS Lite one-two punch is pounding the competition and racking up impressive sales in America. Nintendo just dropped word and hit us with this closed-fisted release. Here's the breakdown:

• Since the May 15th drop-date, New Super Mario Bros. sold at a nonstop rate of roughly one every four seconds nationwide during the reporting period.
• Even though New Super Mario Bros. was in stores for only 13 days this May, it was the No. 1 game of the month.
• Since June 11th, a whopping 136,500 DS Lites have been sold. Retailers have been reporting sell-outs.
• The DS Lite is outpacing the 2003's launch sales of Nintendo's Game Boy Advance SP powerhouse.
• According to major retailers, sales of Brain Age: Train Your Brain in Minutes a Day tripled over the previous week thanks to the DS Lite.
• New Super Mario Bros. also got a DS Lite power-up with retailers reporting double the sales.

Impressive. I'm seeing shades of DS Lite fever that hit (and is still hitting) Japan. Brian Ashcraft

More Here [Nintendo]

We must be wearing hamburgers on our feet and eating shoes, because Akihabara's AsoBitCity is selling American Polar White DS Lites. Priced at 19,800 yen, the Polar White is more expensive than the "Crystal White" Lite that goes for 16,800 yen. The signs say it's possible to change the language to Japanese and play domestic games. But, are the colors actually different? I was under the impression that they were the same. I was also under the impression it was no longer necessary to re-import DSes from America. Brian Ashcraft

More Here [Moeyo!]

Sure, New Super Mario Bros. is popular in Japan. But, just how popular? The game moved 480,000 units in its first day, compared to 414,556 units the second edition of Brain Training sold over its first four days. NSMB outsold brain games in Japan. Yes, it is really that popular. Brian Ashcraft

Japan Loves Mario [Jean Snow]

Thanks to 4CR for showing us yet another way to cheat death in New Super Mario Bros. with a Koopa shell.

All you need to do is go to World 7-5, grab a Kooba shell, throw it between two Bullet Bills and get a 1-Up every 4 seconds. The link below even has a movie demonstrating the trick!

An excellent trick, since my muffed motor functions always cause me to lose infinite lives when I try to pull that off on World 2-4. Of course, by world 7-5, do you really need infinite 1-Ups? FLORIAN ECKHARDT

NSMB - Lazy Man's Guide to 99 1-Ups [4CR]
Previously: Get 99 Lives in New Super Mario Bros.
Image: Silent KV

The delightfully delightful Nanako Matsushima (Ringu) at home, alone with her white DS Lite. A quick English translation of the above Japanese commercial:

Ah, something came, something came, something came. Ahh. Jump! Jump! Jump! A big one appeared. Huge. Waaaaaah. Yippie! What's this? What's this? I'm so happy! Wow, sooo strong. Oh, it's over. *laughs*

Shit thee not. And we thought Nintendo's only selling games? —Brian Ashcraft

More Nanako [Kotaku]

99 Lives Trick on NSMB [Slashing Games, thanks Sinner]

New Super Mario Bros. (DS)
The amazing 2D/3D platformer arrives! Old-school platforming, with new power-ups and a frantically fun two-player WiFi mode make for the best Mario game in years.

Dance Dance Revolution Mario Mix (GC)
Not new, but back in stores this week after a long absence. It's DDR with a Mario makeover.

Fuel (Xbox)
The off-roadin', ATV racin', personal watercraftin' racer gets a budget release for the Xbox.

The Da Vinci Code (PS2, PC, Xbox)
Action adventure adaptation of the Ron Howard movie adaptation of the Dan Brown book. Maybe you've heard of it.

X-Men III: The Official Game (DS, GBA, GC, PC, PS2, Xbox 360, Xbox)
It's official. You can play as Wolverine, Nightcrawler, and Iceman while you fend off the forces of Magneto. Warning: licensed content ahead.

With the exception of New Super Mario Bros., what are you getting this week? I'm quite serious about the smack, people.

Craig over at IGN has gotten his hands on New Super Mario Brothers a tad early and done all of us impatient web scurriers a favor by posting a load of new screenshots and videos of the DS title up on his blog. Something to drool over as the rest of us working class suckers wait another couple weeks to get our grubby mitts on the damn game.

New Super Mario Bros. Screens and Videos at Craig's IGN Blog

The New Super Mario Bros. official site has posted another update, this time including a video of some of Mario's swank new moves. Not only can he wall bounce like Metroid pinup model Samus Aran, but he can surf, whip around dervish style and use his butt to drill through dozens of blocks at once. This is really looking like a fine addition to Mario's already excellent library of 2D platformers.

New Super Mario Bros. Official Site

Nintendo has soft launched the official site for New Super Mario Bros. for the DS. Right now the site promises a lot, but offers up very little. Fortunately, the one thing it does deliver is a video of gameplay which shows some pretty cool stuff and totally stokes my yen for some old-fashioned, side-scrolling Mario fun.

New Super Mario Bros.

That never gets old. I love that Nintendo has the word new in a title for one of their video games, seriously!

Game Impress has a handful of new screens out for the new SMB game.

The above image is now blazoned across the header of Nintendo's New Super Mario Bros. site. Just so you guys reading this via RSS can tell what it says, it reads "Coming May 15, 2006!"

Could we make up our minds here Nintendo? First it's the 15th. Then it's the 22nd. Then it's the 15th again. We don't get it — the change in release date is small enough that the game's certainly going to be no more or less done if you release it one week over the other.

All I know is it's starting to look like those of us who bet on a May 22nd US release for the DS Lite should call our bookies before we get our kneecaps broken.

New Super Mario Bros. Official Site

The latest issue of EGM rumormongers that the DS Lite is getting a May US release. The magazine writes, "This redesigned model, due in May, will be roughly two-thirds the size" and blah, blah, blah. EGM doesn't give a reason why the portable will drop next month, but it could be tied to New Super Mario Bros.'s release. However, as walking into a store in Japan and purchasing a Lite is still difficult for many, it's hard to believe that the portable will be out so soon in America. That is, unless shortages have been due to stockpiling.

Full Story Here [GoNintendo]

In other Nintendo DS news, gray matter game Big Brain Academy ships on June 5, instead of late May. This second title in the brain-training series already has sold more than 1 million units in Japan. The first title in the series, Brain Age: Train Your Brain in Minutes a Day, drops Stateside April 17.

Nintendo [Official Site]

Check out the scans at Jeux-France for all the spoilerish details.

New Super Mario Bros.: 80 levels [Jeux-France]

Folks living in Japan, mark your calendars. On May 25th, New Super Mario Bros. goes on sale. The game drops WEEKS earlier in the US on May 7th. Yippie!

Release Schedule Here [Nintendo]

Hammer Bros., Bloopers, Pirhana Plants, they're all here. Whet your appetite for no frills Mario-style platforming shipping May 7 for the Nintendo DS. Great for waiting in lines at E3!

Sexy New New Super Mario Bros. Screens and Artwork

Shigeru Miyamoto talks Nintendogs, Animal Cross, Brain Training, New Super Mario Bros. (worst name for a game ever) and anything else you want in a web chat with the legend over on Webchats.TV.

Although the site calls it a webchat, it sounds like you actually have to submit your questions ahead of time through the webpage. The chat will be available to check out on March 17 from 7 p.m. to 7:30 p.m.

It's hard to tell if he will be taking any live questions.

Join the Spielberg of the videogames industry—Shigery Miyamoto [Webchats.tv]

For what it's worth you can watch the gameplay video of NSMB on the jump.

Thanks EAG