As far as I am concerned, there is nothing near as festive as monkeys. There isn't one holiday that couldn't be enhanced by an injection of these lovable primates. You may hate monkeys, and that's okay too, because it's the holiday season, and we have enough love for everyone, even repulsive monkey haters.

Depending on your opinion of the Xbox Live Avatar Marketplace, tomorrow brings either a wondrous new addition or another ridiculous thing to waste your money on - pets! Microsoft has most of the bases covered in its pet lineup, with three types of dogs (including Dog in Bag), three cats, birds, snakes, fish, guinea pigs, and of course, monkeys. They'll even have a pony up for sale, making countless childhood dreams come true with the push of a button.

The downside? Each pet will run you 240 Microsoft points. The upside? They don't pee on your girlfriend's robe, who then tries to cuddle you while wearing it because she has a cold and can't smell it, leaving you with the moral dilemma of whether or not you should tell her she smells. That's just an example, mind you, and certainly didn't happen in my apartment last night.

Yes, you can haz Pony [Major Nelson]

We explained how involuntary chimpanzee "actors" are taken away from their mothers when they are just a year or so old and forced to perform confusing and repetitious tricks. We also explained some of the horrible methods that chimpanzee "trainers" use, such as electric shocks with shock collars and prods, isolation, beatings with sawed-off pool cues and slapjacks, and food deprivation. Then, at the ripe old age of just 8, the chimpanzees reach puberty and their showbiz careers are over—and they end up being dumped at dismal roadside zoos or sold to laboratories for experimentation.

In thanks, PETA is sending Sega a lovely card and some vegan chocolates shaped like monkeys, which I am sure in their world means "thank you". In mine it means, "Haha! Those weren't real chocolates!"

Chimp, Chimp Hooray—SEGA Pulls Ape Ad! [PETA]

Confirmed: Samba de Amigo Coming to Wii [1UP - Thanks Jasu, ya Jerk]

Ape Escape Cartoons [Frederator Blogs via Toon Zone - Thanks MDawg!]

We'll have people from India, China, Bangladesh, just about everywhere there's poor people. We figure with eight million people working eighteen hour shifts, that we can satisfy our needs... One time the best enemy character you face may be controlled by Habibul Ashraful from Bangladesh, who only has three fingers, and the next time it may be Li Ming, who farms gold in World of Warcraft.

Yes, and soon Crecente will replace all of us with chain-smoking monkeys that have been handcuffed to a row of typewriters.
Bungie Dumps AI for Cheap Human Intelligence in Halo 3 [The BBSpot]

Hunt for fake monkeys with integrated GPS. Bandai's Java-based Chimpan GPS for DoCoMo phones with satellite-navigation has players run the application and then physically search for the simian target. Players using phones without GPS log-in and act as assistants, apparently. That sounds boring! Game costs ¥315 (US $2.66) , but memories of wondering city streets looking for fake monkeys are priceless. Brian Ashcraft

Monkey Hunt Game [Digital World Tokyo]

Mike Madden, the Creative Director, had more to say about the design process for the new project. "We have two guiding principles: Rely upon the familiar and Be bold . . . In setting, systems and game play, we want to build on a firm foundation of features that are familiar and comfortable to MMO players, making the game as inviting and accessible as possible. We see no need to innovate in areas MMOs already do well."

Taking Aim at the Future! [Stray Bullet Games via Eurogamer]

Play-Asia.com has gotten posted sad confirmation that the Wii is completely region locked, and that includes Gamecube software as well. This means that while the innovative and imaginative Japanese are using the Wii to cook, learn new languages, and turn their children into walking supercomputers, we'll still be hurling our Wiimotes through our televisions like rabid monkeys trying to bowl. On the plus side they have tested the Gamecube Action Replay on the Wii, and it still allows you to play imported Gamecube games, so that's something at least.

They've also confirmed that while all accessories seem fully functional no matter what region they are from, Japanese Wii point cards cannot be redeemed on U.S. systems. Boo. Michael Fahey

Japanese Wii launch pre-roundup [Play-Asia.com via GameBrink]

When I started writing for this blog, I had one goal: post a video of a chimpanzee playing Ms. Pac-Man at least once. And now I have. Crecente, I quit! Florian Eckhardt

PS: He's surprisingly good.

Little children have little hands. Using a standard PS2 controller can be more than a handful. Good thing there's the LiLiCON, a mini-controller for pint-sized players. Created by Japanese toy maker Happinet, the LiLiCON stands for "LIGHT&LITTLE CONTROLLER." There's also a turbo button to help along tikes that haven't mastered the fine art of button-mashing. The controller is covered with an Ape Escape and goes on sale July 13th, the same day Ape Escape: Million Monkeys drops. Fitting, because all children, like my son, are chimps. Brian Ashcraft

More Here [Happinet]

We love primates at Kotaku. We love to watch monkeys and apes bathe cats, smoke cigarettes, quench their thirst via their own urine. A little bit of trivia for you here: Brian Ashcraft's favorite movie of all time is Every Which Way But Loose. Seriously, he owns this on laserdisc. That's why we're so pleased to present you with this fascinating video of a chimpanzee (a bonobo, possibly) playing Ms. Pac-Man. Monkey boy isn't really that good, but at least seems to grasp the basic concept. Maybe it's all just random luck.

Thanks for the heads up, S. Michael McWhertor

Reader Alon Waisman sends word of an Xbox 360-flavored church postcard he received in the mail the other day.

The front is decorated with an enormous knock-off of the Xbox 360 logo and the words: Life 360 Spirit, Body, Heart, Mind.

On the back it reads, in part: Admit it-life is not always fun and games. Life is challenging and complicated.

It is if you worship monkeys. It is if you worship monkeys.

Church Steals 360 Logo to Lure New Members [Chatterbox Game Show]