The most powerful aftermarket Doom weapon? The voice of Rick Astley apparently, as some enterprising Doom fan has created their own tribute to the English singer-songwriter-meme source in the form of a deadly boombox that never gives up. Hey, it may be old(!!!!1) to you, but since we make it a point not to troll /b/ too often, it's news to us. Hilarious, hard hitting news. Thanks for the linklog, Waxy.

Spoiler Alert: In general, anyone that promises free moist, delicious cake as a reward should not be trusted. Cake is never free, people. Who in their right mind would ever give cake away instead of hording it for themself? No sane person; that is the answer to that question. If you are thoroughly confused by this shirt, as many of you will surely be, Google is your friend.

The shirt comes in black in sizes SM-4XL. Prices range from $14.95 for the wee sizes to $17.95 for the big boys.

The cake is a lie Tee [J!nx]
[Thanks, David]

No,. not the guy who does Mario's voice, though I'm sure that, much to Fahey's disappointment, he isn't for sale either.

Anytime we post about anything even slightly crafty, or cakeish or collectible, it seems we start a mini meme and over-sizeed Mario's are certainly not safe from the flood of emails and pictures that always proceed such a post.

So with that in mind (read not news), I give you Anthony's big-ass Mario, given to him by the manager of his Toys R Us after he helped reorganize the Rzone at the store. It's big, it's steel and it's totally not for sale. Brian Crecente

I'm not sure any of you are gamer enough to be reading this. I've discovered a simple test to ensure that what I say here will not go over your wee heads. Says Aeropause:

So you think you're a gamer? Well if so you might want to take this 50 question quiz to see if you can cut it out here in the hard and gritty world of game writing where the streets are cold and the women even colder.

You heard the man. Get testin'. Post your results and grind your stinking triumph into the sad faces of your gamer brethren. Eliza Gauger

Ultimate Gamer Quiz [BitPit, via Aeropause]

If I were that boy in the above, now-infamous internet viral video, I'd have gone into hiding. But I'm fairly impressed with the "Nintendo 64 Kid" and his ability to come out, so to speak, and admit that he was that spastic ninny child, frantically pawing over his N64 box. Of course, he now has the opportunity to cash in on his brief internet fame, with his N64 and copy of launch filler Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire now on eBay. He's sure to get way more than he would with an EB trade-in and I'm a little jealous. I could really use the cash.

Thanks for the tip, Daniel. Michael McWhertor

ORIGINAL "N64 KIDS" N64 SYSTEM

So what is it? In brief, Eon8 is a website. Eon8.com, .net, .org all show the same thing (or they would, if I could access them right now). It's spooky in that minimalist, countdown-to-doom sort of way, and in fact includes a timer counting down to...what? A Digg commentor said it was launching a new brand of gum, and he's probably right.

There's also a world map with menacing red dots thrown willy-nilly all over it, much like the delicate play of acne eruptions graces the aquiline face of Florian's Lesser Wife.

More hooplah and folderol after yon jump, knave. UPDATE also after jump!

Popular theories include: viral marketing meme for a video game or something related; flat-out hoax; scientologists (spawned by references to "auditing" and "Theta9"); nuclear strike; cyberterrorism; and the end of the world, respectively.

We find out what all this means in a few hours. Or maybe we get another counter, ilovebees-style.

Until then, I attempted to make contact with an AIM address that may or may not have anything to do with the website. When people are so accursedly bored that they will actually pretend to be Jhonen Vasquez on their GreatestJournal, I am quick to dismiss anyone claiming to be anyone with any affiliation. As far as I'm concerned, you could all be brains in buckets on Alpha Centauri.

The account is Eon8Countdown, and he answered every query with spy-movie villain fluffery such as "Everything will be ready in time." I went at him as a Kotakuite and his response was that he didn't like bloggers. But I imagine he would be evasive no matter who he was talking to. Give him a shot, the account is public as of posting. E-mail anything interesting to me, or the tips line.

As usual, the response to the site is far more entertaining than the site itself, or anything it could possibly be advertising. Thanks for the tip, Ryan! ELIZA GAUGER

UPDATE!!! Reader Nick just wrote in with a chatlog in which the AIM account finally gets fed up and admits to being a fake. When asked point-blank, for the second time, whether he was or was not associated with Eon8, AIm user Eon8Countdown bails: "Not. Made this yesterday when I was teh bored."

So there you have it. Teh boredom assaults us all. Still, this dude's schtick is a little better than pretending to be Jhonen Vasquez.

Eon8Countdown then IMed me seperately: "[..] thanks to your article (I imagine) a load more people IMed me." I told him I sent my flying monkeys to make him break under the strain. He replied, "I saw. I guess you can say it worked. When I was talking to you I was carefully regulating myself. Making sure I didn't do anything stupid, but meh, now, I was sorta off it. So, instead of screwing myself over on accident, I just IMed everyone with: [20:23] Eon8Countdown: Alright. Yawn. I'm not connected to Eon8. Faretheewell!"

End of update. One mystery solved, thanks to the Kotaku Constabulary and their faithful Scouts! You had a good run, Eon8Countdown.

Here's some nice gummy linkage:

Eon8.com (it's a little shaky right now due to Digg Effect)

YTMND post linking the game Uplink to the Eon8 thing

Collected Eon8 Stuff on Digg

Edge of Nowhere thread

Unfiction Thread (Unfiction is all about this sort of alternate-reality stuff)

PHASE 8 - The Waxing Quintile (Only link to something else called Eon8 that I could find.)