"We both confidently agree that after seeing this demonstration, Duke Nukem Forever is looking great, and will easily stand apart from the crowd in both visual and gameplay styles," writes Shacknews' Steve Gibson. Not going to be stamped on a box in a big, bright, all-caps pull quote, but better than nothing. Maybe?

Shacknews Views Duke Nukem Forever [Shacknews]

AGETEC TO MAKE NINTENDO DS OWNERS LOL

The Craziest Handheld Game Ever is Coming This May

SUNNYVALE, CA - March 14, 2008 - Agetec, Inc today announced that it will be releasing LOL for Nintendo DS™ this May. A unique, free-form gaming experience, LOL's motto says it best: "If the game is boring, then you are boring."

"We decided not to include a single player mode in the game because that would defeat the purpose. This game was created to be a social game that allows you interact on and off Nintendo DS with your friends," said Mark Johnson, the producer. "LOL concentrates on the comedic joy of using the imagination of everyone in the room."

"LOL is a game with endless possibilities that can be played for hours and hours of nonstop entertainment," said Hiro Fukuoka, producer at Agetec. "As long as you are a fun-loving person with a little bit of an imagination, there should be no reason you find LOL to be anything less than a great time with your friends. It maximizes your creative abilities and puts a fun twist to it."

LOL is played by one of the players making a challenge in writing to the others. The crazier the challenge, the more fun everyone will have. The person who delivered the challenge chooses an appropriate time limit, and everyone has to answer the challenge on their touch screen however they see fit - with words, pictures, or whatever comes to mind. The host reveals the answers, and everyone votes on a winner who will then decide on the challenge for the next round. Always different and a blast to play every time, LOL will, as its name implies, make everyone laugh out loud.

"I just figured, why waste all that time? Why make everyone sit through an insufferable halftime show again?" said Petty, who is very excited about the game between the Giants and Patriots. "Instead, I'm just going to bitch DragonForce on 'expert,' which should be enough show for everyone."

Petty to just play Guitar Hero III for Super Bowl halftime [Serious Sports News Network]

The NYT makes mention of the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 both being powered by the Cell processor, with the latter listing for as low as $299. Furthermore, the paper refers to Gran Turismo 5 as "a hyper-realistic, high-speed journey, is one of the [PlayStation 3's] best sellers." At least they know that Halo 3 is the third episode in the series, a game that Dan Strack, a trader for a Wall Street bank, is quoted as calling the "latest and greatest game that people are walking on water over."

While this edition of the New York Times may be forgiven, as it may have come from the future, we can't excuse Strack's sloppy metaphor. Halo 3 doesn't make you Jesus.

Some Essential Hardware (Even Away From the Street) [New York Times - thanks, Aaron]

With the release of Halo 3 just days away the ultimate faceoff went down over the weekend at the Dover Speedway: Halo 3 took on the Wii in the form of a NASCAR racing pitting Greg Biffle versus David Stremme.

Exactly 306 laps into the 440 lap race Stremme's number 40 car blew its engine and sidelined the racer. No, I'm not making that up: The Halo car got a red ring of death.

Meanwhile Biffle's Wii mobile landed a respectable second place. Ouch.

Dover 440

The GameTap client for Macintosh will rely on Cider, the "wrapper" that allows Windows-based games to play on Mac OSX. That means some of GameTap's offerings won't be immediately available to Mac gamers, including releases like Sam & Max, Tomb Raider: Anniversary and Far Cry.

GameTap for Mac users will, however, have access to over 500 classic games, including titles released for the Sega Saturn and Dreamcast when the full service is launched. Michael McWhertor

GameTap to bring classic gaming service for Mac [MacWorld]

Ex-Girlfriend Playing Virtua Fighter With Some Other Guy Now [The Onion via The BBPS]

That $315 million loss for the quarter doesn't look as bad when you compare it to the previous year's quarter, which showed a $402 million operating loss. Overall, though, the company saw revenue of nearly $14.4 billion. Which is a lot.

Microsoft says it has now shipped out some 11 million Xbox 360s worldwide with 500,000 of those shipments from the first three months of 2007. That 500K is down from the previous year's quarter, when the company sold 1.7 million current-gen consoles.

Anyway, still with me? I know it's boring. To sum up, Xbox still losing money, Microsoft still making money. Bill Gates still insanely rich. Michael McWhertor

Simply submit your best efforts before June 29th, 2007 to the contest website. It can be animated, live-action, sci-fi, horror...anything as long as it is funny. In fact, this is an excellent chance to find out if you really are amusing or if people just like to humor you, much like writing for Kotaku. Hit up the website for the official rules, and hit up the jump for the official press release. Michael Fahey

It's Showtime: Microsoft Invites Contestants to Create an Exclusive TV Show for Xbox LIVE

Xbox 360 and the New York Television Festival team up to host Xbox LIVE Originals contest, offering a chance to produce original TV programming for Xbox LIVE.

NEW YORK — April 16, 2007 — People can not only play games and watch premium entertainment content on their Xbox 360 , they can now create content for it, too. Microsoft Corp. and the New York Television Festival (NYTVF) today announced the Xbox LIVE Originals contest, granting aspiring television producers the opportunity to create a pilot that could be chosen for the first original series developed specifically for the Xbox LIVE online gaming and entertainment network. Microsoft will award the winning entrant a $100,000 budget and an opportunity for a six-episode commitment to air the television series on Xbox LIVE, the largest social network in the living room. The pilot episode of the winning series is scheduled to debut this fall at the third annual NYTVF, the industry's first showcase for independent television, before being featured exclusively on Xbox LIVE, home to a community of more than 6 million people worldwide. This marks the first time that user-created entertainment content will be available worldwide for download exclusively on Xbox LIVE.

"Not only can aspiring TV producers from across the globe try their hands at creating new TV shows, but because of Xbox LIVE Marketplace, they can now win a chance to have more than 6 million people worldwide see their work," said Bill Nielsen, senior director of Xbox LIVE at Microsoft. "This is an incredible opportunity for us to participate in the festival, and we are thrilled to be able to bring community-created TV content to the Xbox community for the first time."

Xbox LIVE is already home to more than 1,500 hours of full-length films and TV series in the United States. This contest will showcase the user-created content alongside films and TV shows from many of the top networks and studios in the entertainment industry.

"The New York Television Festival has always strived to give artists opportunities to get their voices heard in the industry, and we think that showcasing their work on the Xbox 360 will give our artists unprecedented exposure," said Terence Gray, founder of NYTVF. "The Xbox LIVE Originals contest acknowledges that new technologies are enabling artists to tell their stories in innovative ways, and Xbox LIVE Marketplace, one of the top digital distributors of online entertainment content, is a great place to showcase the talent that takes part in the NYTVF. The NYTVF is proud to join with Xbox 360 on its groundbreaking initiative to create and provide original programming."

To participate in the Xbox LIVE Originals contest, entrants must produce and submit a short comedy pilot running between five and 15 minutes long. Submissions will be accepted from April 16 through June 29, 2007, from contestants in any of the 25 countries currently supporting Xbox LIVE. A group of selected finalists will be shown on Xbox LIVE Marketplace's video-on-demand service in July, and a winner will be announced at the end of the month. The creators of the winning pilot will receive a budget of $100,000 and an opportunity to produce six additional episodes of the comedy series for Xbox LIVE, and the first episode will premiere at an exclusive event at the 2007 NYTVF in September. Official rules to the Xbox LIVE Originals contest are available at http://www.newyorktelevisionfestival.com/2007_contests_xbox.htm

Before the Playstation 3 hit, the console was selling for $2,000 to $3,000 a pop. The day the console hit, the average price of a Playstation 3 on eBay was $2,900.

But as of Saturday that price had already dropped to closer to $1,100. That was short-lived. The question is, would you stand around in the cold and rain for two to three days for less than $500 profit? Brian Crecente

Guess who's sick to death of the Wii? Motherfuckin' Florian, that's who. "Do you want to post this Australia Wii launch news, Flor?" Ashcraft asks me on IM. "NO." "LOL!" he replies. He is used to my ill-humor, but I have made it clear to him: the only thing I'm writing about the Wii today is the Euro date and price.

So here's your precious news. Nintendo UK just released the release and price details of the European Wii. They are:

Date: December 8th, 2006

Price: €249, or 179 GBP

Great. I'll buy one when it comes out. Until then, I'm sick to death of the Wii. Talk about overexposure over the last few days: there's a kid being pushed around by his father on a tricycle outside my house, giggling and excitedly squealing "Whee!" I'm tempted to walk outside, slap him and call him 'Ashcraft'. To which I hope he'd reply "LOL!" so I'd have an excuse to violently strike him again. Florian Eckhardt

Please feel free to move about the cabin, and come up with new acronyms. Joystiq is live at the scene of the crime:

As we opened up this month's Wired magazine and flipped through the various pages, something interesting suddenly popped up and caught our eye. It wasn't some new gadget, but instead an ad for Dell's gaming PC lineup. Hijacking the 1337 speak of gamers everywhere, Dell has adopted "FTW" (For the win) to push their PC gaming rigs.

And while we're cleaning house, please shut up about: snakes, bases, chuck norris, and especially any negative connotations stemming from homosexuality. In case you're out of the loop, George Takei just made gaybashing obsolete.

Optimum catchphrase ripeness occurs when about 40-60% of the audience is in on the joke. After that it becomes stale, and before that you just get a lot of blank looks.

I proffer that it's still okay to say "owned" and various derivations thereof, because Leo LaPorte says it on every TWiT. And it's adorable. How old is he? In his fifties, yeah?

Catchphrases that haven't quite hit the mainstream yet and still could use a little exploitin': NEDM (not even doom music), TWAJS (that was a joke, son), and the term "old meme", which seems to have had its heyday on Jameth's LiveJournal without really making the rounds elsewhere.

"Series of tubes" riffs are okay only as long as they show some creativity. I mean, just look at how much mileage we got out of ROFL and LOL. The best I've seen so far is "AROFLYPSE LMAO", but Bashy and Crecente are still chugging along with plain old "lol" in place of quotation marks, commas, semicolons and full stops. Me, I never touch the stuff.

"Internets" is encouraged as long as Dubya is in office.

I would like to see a return of the Fifty Hitler Post.

"POOLS CLOSED DUE TO AIDS" needs a few minutes in the sun.

But back to the gaybashing thing for a sec. My second-favorite webcomic, Jerkcity, has a vast lexicon of nearly untapped, dong-related material that, like NEDM, has seen little use outside of its home territories (namely IRC). I would like to see HUAGALHGUAH, T (name of addressee), and a good deal more dick jokes start making the rounds. You can start in the comments. Ready? Go. Eliza Gauger

Dell Goes FTW [Joystiq]

I do not think it means what you think it means.

I have a soft spot for internet meta-humor. YTMND.com is infinitely fascinating to me, as is Encyclopaedia Dramatica, LJDrama.org, and Netmodelreview.

So when I saw this pop up over on Aeropause I just had to propogate it. Here we see the actual translations for the myriad acronyms you see bandied about in game chats the world over. Eliza Gauger

Read more [Core77, via Aeropause]

1up reports on this clip from GameVideos, in which player RCT Oregon shows us that it's more than possible to get outside of the faint red boundaries in the Saint's Row demo.

But...what's this? Dissent in the 1up comments! THEREAL_HaloKing420 indignantly retorts:

ive had this demo for 2 weeks and all i can say is that was the dumbest vid ive ever seen.

first of all that was the OLD way u get through, maybe from like a week ago. u found the wrong vid on the official forums cuz the new way to get thru works every time and doesnt take an hour to do either.

just drive any car side ways up to the barrier and then park it a few feet from the barrier and then hit Y two times very quickly and your guy will jump strait through the barrier. easy. done. works every time. DONT TRY IT LIKE THE GUY IN THE GAMEVIDEOS VID CUZ THATS OLD AND DOESNT WORK EVERY TIME AND ITS GLITCHY.

lol taht not how u play teh game

So apparently this is the old way to do it, from like a whole week ago. Cha. Eliza "Fr4gm4st4 733F" Gauger

Original post on 1up [1up]

Chibi Robo producer Kenishi Nishi blogged his next project: LOL DS. The title apparently refers to "laughing out loud" and his Dreamcast game L.O.L. (Lack of Love), a Japan-only release in which players controlled a crustacean-like creature.

Around the time the DS was launching, Nishi previously stated that he was developing a title for the portable. He then retracted his statement, saying "Sorry, it was all a lie." This very well could be that title. Funny stuff. LOL. ROLF. LMAO...

More Here [4CR]

The Interactive Entertainment Merchants Association and ESRB is none too pleased with the National Institute of Media and the Family s report card grade the game rating system received. (Was that enough acronyms for you?)

The industry received a D+ overall, though one could question NIMFs bias on this and the IEMA does.

Check the jump for the full statement:

We were pleased to hear that there was plenty of positive news regarding retailer ratings education and enforcement: 71% are educating the public about the ESRB rating system; 94% have a policy not to sell/rent M-rated games to persons under age 17. It is important to emphasize that the NIMF "secret shoppers" were turned down 56% of the time when they attempted to purchase M-rated games. This turn-down rate is a significant improvement since 2000, when
only 19% were turned down. This overall trend demonstrates strong and growing retailer commitment to video game rating enforcement, although clearly we are not yet where we want to be as an industry.

We were disappointed to learn that the NIMF continues to unevenly weight the results of their sting operations (judging the effectiveness of retailer enforcement stemming the sale of Mature-rated games to minors). The fact that they weight their conclusions by individual stores rather than by actual real-world market value is significant, both to the statistics as well as to the
practical realities of sales. Not weighting the data evenly by market share may well account for the NIMF sting results quite literally swinging wildly back and forth over the past five years.

We have repeatedly requested that the National Institute on Media and the Family disclose their methodology so that we may better understand how they cull their results and been denied year after year.

-Hal Halpin, pres., IEMA

NIMF, never one to be unbias, has also refused to communicate with the ESRB. The ratings board also released a statement saying that the NIMF research is flawed and ignores "any and all conflicting evidence."

The record should reflect the fact that after last year s Report Card we contacted NIMF so that we may better understand their criticism and work together, but no response was forthcoming. Their silence is an unmistakable indication that this is not about working cooperatively in the interests of video game consumers, but rather is about NIMF imposing its own narrow values and morality on the rest of the country, regardless that it has little evidence to show that parents agree with their point of view.

Download the ESRB's full statement here

IEMA [Official Site]