Kotaku: Lazy

American Men Need To...Ooo, Gran Turismo!

Mike Fahey — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 08:40:05 MDT

Dave Gibson at the American Chronicle has posted an article today titled "It Is Time For American Men To Grow Up", which calls out lazy, irresponsible, video game-playing American men for causing the downfall of our society.

Divorce and illegitimate births have reached epidemic proportions. A society whose grown men seem to be more interested in the latest video game, rather than the survival of their nation or even of their own family—is doomed to failure.

I'm sure whatever else he had to say was exciting and all, but I was completely distracted by the totally sweet ad for Gran Turismo halfway down the article and clicked off to look at cars. By the time I came back there was an add for a store selling Airsoft guns, and I need one of those to discipline my cats. By the time I finally got back to the story I caught this:

The lazy and disconnected American man is much more of a threat to the survival of this nation, than are the Muslim terrorists seeking their 72 virgins in heaven.

Instead of being outraged, I went looking for that clip of the suicide bombers in the plane from Uwe Boll's Postal film to try and figure out how many virgins they were supposed to get. Anyway, lazy, disconnected men in America? Not a chance.

It Is Time For American Men To Grow Up [American Chronicle]

Where I Get My Lazy From

Mike Fahey — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 11:00:31 MDT

I'm not the most productive fellow in the world. An excellent example of this is the fact that I am moving in two days and didn't get started on packing until Tuesday night. I would sit down in front of the television and start stacking up DVDs and games to go into the boxes, and before you know it I've found a game I haven't played in awhile and wasted several hours. Knowing my attention span problems, my mother offered to come over the other day and help me get started packing. Seeing as my mother rarely gets a chance to play video games and generally only plays PC point and click adventures, I figured I would show her Wii Sports bowling while I had her here, maybe let her throw a few balls before we got down to packing. Really bad idea.

An hour later and she's played several full games and we've gotten exactly nothing accomplished. On top of that, all that bowling had made her tired, so we decided to reschedule the packing for another day.

It made me think though. Is my gaming addiction and general laziness hereditary? If video games had been around when my mother was a kid, would I even be here today or would she have been too busy playing an ancient ancestor of Mario to bother going out to meet my dad?

Hereditary or no, I am obviously much better at putting off work than she is. As I type this she is in my kitchen wrapping dishes in newspaper while I sit in a comfortable office chair and tell you folks about how lazy she is. I suppose we'll see just how lazy she actually is when she reads this and then commences kicking my sorry ass.

Martha's Wii Cake - The Recipe

Mike Fahey — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 11:20:33 MDT

Crecente was completely right about the Wired Martha Stewart Wii cake. My head did explode, and once I got around to shoveling the various bits back inside of my skull I immediately started searching for the recipe for this wonder of wonders. Then I got sidetracked by something shiny and forgot about it completely until Kotakuite Chilly directed me to the New York Post of all places, which has posted the recipe in its exhaustive entirety courtesy of Lesli Heffler of the Sono Baking Company and Café. The recipe isn't easy, and it certainly won't be cheap. The cake portion alone requires a recipe for two 8x2 inch cakes multiplied roughly 24 times. That's over 72 cups of flour, 48 cups of sugar, and 144 ounces of butter. The only thing more staggering than the list of ingredients is the sheer amount of effort needed for the massive undertaking, which is why you won't see me making one of these any time soon. Remember kids, glory doesn't come cheap.

Wii Bake [Post Game Report - Thanks Chilly!]

Physical Education Final? Twilight Princess!

Brian Ashcraft — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 06:00:06 MDT

Virginia high school student Andrew sends us what could be best described as a Nintendo marketer's wet dream. He writes:

Last Friday, for my gym class's Physical Fitness Final Exam, my teacher brought in 3 Wiis and an Xbox, all hooked up to LCD projectors projected on the walls of the gym. For 2 hours we had tournaments on 2 of the Wiis in Wii Sports, Wii Play, Excite Truck, and Wario Ware while others played Twilight Princess on another and DDR on the xbox. We were also given the option of playing basketball but all 20 people in my class were more interested in Wii.

Great, but since when are wrist flicks while playing Excite Truck and Twilight Princess considered exercise? Oh, right, they're not. Brian Ashcraft

Rag Doll Kung Fu Hits Meatspace Stores

Brian Crecente — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 09:58:17 MDT

Rag Doll Kung Fu is heading to brick-and-mortar stores, according to GameSpot. The string-puppet fighter was the first truly indy game to hit Valve's Steam last October and garnered some great reviews. Publisher Merscom says they will start selling the game in stores for $19.99 this August. That's about $5 more than the Steam version, but the publisher promises to pack some extras in their cardboard box.

It's funny, I obviously play a lot of games, but I've never bothered to go online and get download only games. I'm pretty sure it's because I'm lazy and I'm also pretty sure that there are a lot of other gamers out there like me. Steam and the services like it are going to have to come up with a system for grabbing the attention of ADD gamers like myself if they want to topple retail outlets and that system will likely need to involve a large bat or big piece of pie of some sort. I love pie. Brian Crecente

Rag Doll Kung Fu Flails Into Retail [GameSpot]

Lazy Gamer Chin Pillow

Brian Crecente — Wed, 04 Jan 2006 14:02:26 MST

Finally, a pillow for the gamer so lazy he doesn't even want to lay flat on the floor. Why waste energy sprawling when you can just tuck this bad boy under your chin and lean into relaxation in an upright fetal position. I love lazy, love it.

Head Pillow for the Lazy Gamer [Gizmodo]