Orlando's Channel Six news is reporting that pedophiles are offering "game points" in exchange for nude images of children sent through video games.

Well, reporting is a bit of an overstatement. They declare that in their headline and the first sentence of their "story" but never really explain what the hell they're going on about. In fact the entire story is a mess of quotes, misstatements and supposition that never gets around to actually explaining what the story is about.

There is, for instance, this quote:

"Kids are playing games, and they are being asked to take photos of themselves naked in order to get game points," state attorney Cybercrime Detective Lt. David Maurer said. "There is not only the chatting version of the games but also a webcam involved."

So this lieutenant with the Florida State Attorney's Office apparently thinks that some games (video games?) involve taking photo and sending them to some people (pedophiles?).

But then the lieutenant returns to the story a graph later to say that this is actually just one of his personal theories, as in not fact.

The story then mentions that the most popular games around are Halo 3, Call Of Duty, Final Fantasy and Grand Theft Auto. Wait does that mean you get points for sending naked pictures of yourself to pedophiles while playing Call of Duty or Halo 3?

Who knows, but the news channel quotes two parents who are "worried, scared." Don't worry, I'm right with you. I'm worried that whatever idiot who wrote this story might have actually broadcast it and I'm scared that this "reporter" might strike again.

I've emailed the station to try and get some actual fact, to see what they're on about. I'll update once and if I hear back. Feel free to email the station yourself if you're too impatient to wait to hear what they tell me.

'Video-Gaming' Child Predators Offering Points For Nude Photos [Local 6]

Now, you stick a camera on a cop and ask him about drunk driving, real or virtual, and what the hell do you think he's gonna say? WSAV-TV does just that and the results are predictable.

But I'm going to try to see the good here.

This is from Lt. Scott Simpkins, a traffic commander in Savannah's police department.

"Some people are going to say it can be used as an education as well as a game, this is just a game, you know you have to pick and choose your battles. Well, I'm here to tell you, Scott Simpkins as a father, I'm picking and choosing this battle," said Simpkins [who has two sons, 10 and 12 years old]

And to its credit, the station went to online forums for gamer comment:

One says: "to anyone who hasn't driven drunk, it exaggerates the effects to a degree that i'm sure would scare someone from ever trying to really drive drunk, so it's actually helping their cause."

"Immediately, I think well good, that's the kind of response I'd hope to see, but I think that's going to be a small number," says Simpkins.

Why is it valid to assume that all bad acts realistically portrayed in a game will be imitated in the real world, but it's out of the realm of possibility that those same bad acts cannot also deliver a deterrent message?

Latest Version of Violent Video Game Lets Players Drive Drunk [KSAV-TV Savannah, Ga. via GamePolitics]

Now here's a familiar story, modder cooks up something and gets in legal trouble, although it's usually from the software publisher. In this case, "unauthorised use of a police uniform" is an offense under New Zealand's Police Act. And even though it's unclear whether this really fits the definition of that offense, the cops are looking at their options. A cop spokesman said the police are looking into the matter.

Honestly, what the fuck is it with Australasia and Grand Theft Auto? I'll just leave it at that. I've never been to either Australia or New Zealand, but crikey, their collective pants-wetting over American video games, this series in particular, makes them look like the schoolmarms of western democracy.

Gamer's Real Brush with the Law [stuff.co.nz.] [pic by Robert Kitchin, The Dominion Post]

Perhaps George Broussard forgets that some of us have been waiting to play, even see Duke Nukem Forever for longer than a lot of new gamers have been playing games. Heck not only was my son not yet born, I wasn't married when the game was first announced. It's been ten years folks, well nearly.

Broussard seemed a little taken aback by the reaction to his announcement last night that there would be a "teaser video" hitting today around noon Central Time. So taken aback, in fact, that he decided to amend his statement.

Guys just to manage expectations...

This is a teaser. It's not a full blown trailer like the 2001 trailer (but something like that is coming). I tried to be clear about that in the message board post, so just bear in mind that it's a teaser :)

Enjoy.

Update [3D Realms]

The Post writes of the hysteria surrounding toy gun products over the years, chronicling a time period when kids coveted BB guns and replicas, and when Boston area gangs turned Super Soakers into deadlier than advertised weapons. It's a story worth reading, if only a prep work for the impending ruining of thousands of children's futures as they're brought to the brink of madness while shooting Goron in the belly. God help us all.

Toy Guns and the Little Bang theory of violence [Washington Post]

Introduced in 2004, the Nintendo DS (for Dual Screen or Devil Screen), this game machine has sold some 700 million or so units. That's an epidemic. It's undeniable that it has been a "success" for its Japanese manufacturer, Nintendo (makers of Donkey Kong aka Monkey Donkey, a game in which a monkey kidnaps a young girl to satisfy his bestial desires). It's also been a tremendous success for pedophiles everywhere.

In retrospect, I would have bought my DS even sooner had it actually stood for Devil Screen, and I was in line the day before the first model came out. The writer seems to have a lot of repressed sexual feelings stirring in their loins, as evidenced by the 'satisfy his bestial desires' bit.

The article then goes on to present a completely made up story as a matter of fact.

I have been notified by one parent whose child was solicited to "come to the mall and we can go shopping and do other fun stuff. Don't tell your mom because she might spoil our fun. Parents are such a drag. LOL." Fortunately her parent was watching Susie (a pseudonym) that day, as all parents should, and reacted the way any good, loving, responsible parent would. She deftly ripped the offending device out of her hands, sent the reply "stay away from my baby, you psycho" and triumphantly snapped the unit in half. Nintendo TP (two pieces). It's garbage now.

Perhaps the writer is trying to create a fictional role model for parents to look up to. After all, Betty Crocker wasn't real but she is the champion of baked goods that come in boxes and tubs of frosting, so I suppose Susie could be the champion of symbolically tearing child molesters in half to keep them away from her baby, you psycho.

To round out the article, the writer dredges up the old PlayStation Pornable video from ages past, in which the mainstream media warns us that there are dirty pictures on the internet, no matter how small the screen is. As icing on the cake, they throw in a video of JT talking about Grand Theft Auto.

With supporters like these it is no wonder than Sam Brownback is pulling out of the running for Republican presidential candidate. Either there are too many sensible people who would never support him in a million years just to avoid association with these idiots, or the man realized that being a presidential candidate representing people like this would only encourage them.

Early Christmas Alert: Nintendo DS [Blogs 4 Brownback via Game Politics]

The (Bergen County) Record has a panic inciting story up about the extreme measures people are going to be willing to go to to land an Xbox 360 on launch day. The story mentions that bids for the console have topped $4,000 on eBay (the highest I could find was closer to $2,000), but then counters with CFO Chris Liddell saying that there would be no shortages and that the company is on track with their plans. Yes, but what are their plans, exactly.

EBay Bids for Xbox 360 Pass $4,000 [eBay]